Guillermo Del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities REVIEW

It’s been a very Guillermo Halloween for me this year, as I watched Crimson Peak for the first time, and have just finished Cabinet of Curiosities (both available on Netflix right now, if you too are so inclined to have a very Guillermo (extended) Halloween (as this review is coming out after Halloween, but c’mon–we can enjoy spooks all year round!)).

So how is the Cabinet?

It’s part strange, part horrifying, part mesmerizing, and all absolutely wonderful. In other words, it’s everything a cabinet of curiosities should be.

General Things

Like del Toro himself explains in the prologue of the first episode, the “cabinets” that the series takes its name from were actually collections of objects that largely originated in the 16th century (though some did exist prior to this–you know, before cabinets were cool). Often they were actually a room of curious items, rather than a cabinet or box (or the funky contraption del Toro uses in the prologue of every episode to introduce the piece).

In many ways, the cabinets were museums–celebrations of the weird and unusual in science and art. Famously, though, some of the objects were faked, such as “mermaids” or other creatures with human skulls and torsos attached for the sake of shock value (or maybe they were real–who’s to say?). At their heart, the cabinets were, as the name suggests, a celebration of our natural curiosity for the world around us and everything in it.

Although the term has been coined in recent years to represent more horrific and fantastical objects rather than a celebration of the wonders of the natural world as is, well…who are we to argue how those two sides can be connected? Is it not horrifying that many species will eat the heads of their mate? Is it not eerie that there are carnivorous plants? Is it not unsettling that more than 80% of the ocean remains unexplored by us?

The point, I suppose, is that while this Cabinet of Curiosities is, at its core, a horror anthology, it does fit in beautifully with the original purpose of those initial cabinets–to celebrate and put on display the weird, the unusual, the strange, the unsettling, and yes, maybe even the real of the world around us.

Every episode is introduced by del Toro himself, as he unlocks a new section or opens a new door of a mysterious cabinet-esque contraption, laying out for us an object that ties in to the story we are about to enjoy, as well as a figurine of the director for each piece. I’ll discuss each episode in both a spoiler-free and spoiler-filled light, just in case you’d like to experience the Cabinet for yourself without fully knowing what lies in wait.

Episode 1: “Lot 36” directed by Guillermo Navarro

just your totally average storage unit, nothing to see here

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

Set in the 90’s, we follow military veteran and white supremacist Nick on his journey to get some super friendly debt collectors off his back. To get money, Nick buys storage units and sells whatever he can find inside that’s worth something (at least to him). Everything changes the day he buys lot 36 and attempts to get a price check for a unique occult table and set of books he finds inside.

Potential scare warnings include Nick being a racist asshole, an unsettling shot of an animal skull early on, and a demon tentacle monster doing demon tentacle monster things.

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

Early on in the episode, we’re introduced to a very sweet house cleaner named Emilia. Due to a miscommunication, the manager of the storage building accidentally sold her unit to–you guessed it–Nick. Emilia pleads with Nick to get her stuff back, especially sentimental stuff that would have no value to him, but Nick refuses, throwing in a bunch of racist insults and slurs for good measure. Out of the “goodness” in his heart, he does give her the padlock to her old unit. Gee. Thanks.

(This will literally come back to bite him later)

After trying to get a price check for a wooden table he finds in lot 36, Nick is introduced to Roland, who offers a mighty sum for the table and the books found within. If Nick is able to find the elusive fourth volume, the money Roland will pay will absolutely cover Nick’s debts and then some. Nick and Roland head back to the storage lot, determined to chase down the fourth volume. Along the way, we learn with them that the owner of lot 36 made weapons for the Nazis during WWII–a kindred spirit, Nick!

We also learn why the fourth volume is so rare–the books are used to summon a demon, and the fourth volume actually burns to a crisp upon completion of the transaction and pact with said demon. Nick, of course, doesn’t believe any of this and just wants to find the fourth book so he can get paid.

Back in the unit, Roland uncovers a series of newspapers asking what happened to a socialite named Dotty, who apparently disappeared without a trace back in the 40’s. After Nick and Roland discover a false wall in the unit, they enter a cave that smells just super awesome. Following the cave, they enter a room where a mostly mummified body is laid out on a pentagram, intact except for the face, which is nothing but a large opening with some peeks of tentacles every now and then. In the back corner of the room, the elusive fourth volume sits on a stand, decidedly not burned to a crisp. Roland determines that this is in fact the missing Dotty they have just discovered–left to rot left to rot over the years and trap the demon inside her.

Nick, still money-obsessed, breaks the pentagram on the floor in his rush to the back of the room to grab the book. This, of course, was a bad idea, and the demon rises, chomping up Roland. The book burns in Nick’s hands, signalling that the contract has been completed with Roland’s death, but now Nick has a new problem–the demon is loose and doesn’t seem to be all that keen on letting Nick out alive. Nick runs, racing through the storage lot, desperate to find a way out. When he does finally find a door, it’s been locked from the outside.

Who should show up then but Emilia! Nick begs her to open the door and let him out, but instead, she holds up the padlock he had given her earlier. While Nick pleads, she simply places the padlock over the door and walks away, leaving Nick to a tentacly demise. Tentacle-y? Tentacley?

It’s an ending very reminiscent of the “My House” mug shot in Knives Out, which I like. It’s a quick and satisfying little comeuppance story, and while I appreciate the use of mercy in stories and I think there’s a world in which a story like this could be told where the Emilia character does help Nick, it was made very clear throughout that Nick would likely never change. Emilia could help him and he’d still yell at her for “not speaking his language in his country” or whatever. Horror is hard to stomach when a character we love dies–but it can also be a liiiiiittle bit therapeutic when a character like Nick gets what’s coming to them. There’s even a really nice scene where Nick argues with Eddie, the owner of the storage lot, about Nick’s time in the military. Nick complains about how he served his time and his country and so on and so forth and Eddie asks if he happened to notice how many black and brown bodies he stepped on in order to get back home. The story doesn’t make light of Nick’s service, but it does make clear that he’s still incredibly privileged and his status does not excuse his horrific behavior. Tentacle demons don’t discriminate when it comes to their meals, after all.

All in all, I really liked this one. I was left with a couple questions at the end as far as like, the identity of the original owner of lot 36 and why Roland seemed so knowledgeable, but I would also be willing to believe that I missed some things while watching it. It’s also entirely possible that details like that aren’t crucial to the overall story. Still, I’m detail-oriented.

The soundtrack by Tim Davies is incredible and as is true with any del Toro production, the monster effects were simply *chef’s kiss*.

Episode 2: “Graveyard Rats” directed by Vincenzo Natali

she seems nice ❤

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

For this story, we follow a graveyard caretaker named Masson. Though we initially meet him through a scene where he scares off and subsequently shames a couple of graverobbers, moments later we find out that Masson is a bit of a graverobber himself, though his specialty is ripping out gold fillings from the corpses and making money off of them. He drops this initial tooth, however, and when he goes to retrieve it, he’s bitten by a rat. He later tells the individual he usually sells to that he’s more behind than normal because of all the rats doing a bit of their own graverobbing. Desperate after being told he has to settle his debts soon or else, Masson visits a friend of his in the morgue (who is also in on the scheme). Masson learns of a recently deceased rich man whose mouth is FULL of gold fillings, but the morgue employee, Dooley, warns him to wait until after the funeral so the coroner doesn’t start asking questions. So Masson waits, choosing to go after the fillings after the funeral, but it’s a costly choice–there’s more to these graveyard rats than meets the eye.

Potential scare warnings include a whole lotta dead people, a whole lotta rats, skeleton monsters, rat monsters, and a LOT of claustrophobia. If any episodes of The Magnus Archives involving the Buried were ones you skipped, this episode will probably not be your cup of tea.

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

When our buddy Masson opens the coffin to retrieve his gold filling payday, he’s shocked to see that the coffin is…empty? Yep–turns out the rats are actually stealing the entire damn body. Horrified both by this revelation and by what awaits him if he’s unable to pay off his debts, Masson somewhat overcomes his own claustrophobia and dives into the hole after the body and the rats. After fighting off a huge number of rats and surviving a rockfall, Masson awakens in some sort of underground tunnel system. The peace only lasts so long, as Masson catches sight of a massive hairless rat further down the tunnel, curled around other rats as if she’s feeding them. This queen rat seemingly disappears moments later, however…only to reappear and chase Masson further through the tunnels.

After narrowly escaping her, Masson ends up in a massive cavern filled with a wholeeeee lotta human bones. Initially panicked, Masson tries to escape, before a thought occurs to him…this is a whole lotta bodies with potentially a whole lotta gold fillings ripe for the taking. Now celebrating his luck, Masson moves deeper into the cavern, uncovering a number of riches as well as a fair amount of strange carvings on the wall with some sort of eerie creature depicted in them. Then, Masson stumbles upon a slightly more well-preserved corpse sporting a really nifty (and probably pricey) golden necklace. Thrilled, he rushes up to the corpse and, after some struggling, manages to snatch the necklace.

This, of course, kind of upsets the corpse (I mean, how would you feel if some random dude walked up to you and snatched your necklace?), who comes to life and starts chasing Masson through the caves and tunnels, screeching “MIIIIINE!” all the way. Masson runs, and just when he thinks he’s escaped the corpse, he finds the rat queen again. He manages to defeat her, but the angry corpse is still after him, so there’s no time to sit around and enjoy his victory. Masson is utterly lost however and starts choosing tunnels at random, hoping somehow he can find his way back to the surface.

Just when all seems lost, he spots light at the end of one of the tunnels. Grateful, Masson crawls towards it, relieved, only to discover it’s not outside light at all–it is in fact the reflection of his lantern light on the plaque on the inside of a coffin lid. Unfortunately, he doesn’t even get a chance to wallow in his misery, as he is promptly swarmed with rats and completely stuck with nowhere to go.

We see Masson again when the two graverobbers from the very beginning, having learned nothing, open the casket and recognize the caretaker. Before they can do anything, a rat emerges from Masson’s mouth, and as the graverobbers scatter, Masson is once again swarmed with rats. Rest in peace, my guy.

I liked this one a lot! Sure, I was left with questions about the underground area, but it was presented in such a way that while we never learned specifics, there were enough tropes to rely on that we figured it out. The rats, and the queen rat in particular, were clearly connected to the carving Masson found underground as well as the corpse with the necklace. Taking the ancient necklace was, obviously, a bad idea. We may not know exactly how the underground area came to be the way it was when Masson found it, but we don’t have to understand that to enjoy the episode. I think it would be a fascinating idea for a full-length film, but it works nicely as is.

The score by Jeff Danna is fantastic for setting up the general unease and creepy crawly atmosphere. Also, naming one of the tracks “The Ascent to Hell” (when we’re all so used to referring to something as a descent to hell) is just incredible.

What did we learn from this one, kids? “Don’t do graverobbing if the rats in your area already staked their claim. Also, don’t steal ancient gold necklaces from corpses. That’s just rude.”

Episode 3: “The Autopsy” directed by David Prior

I’m sure those white tentacles in the poster are a totally normal bodily function. For sure. Don’t worry about it.

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

For this story, we follow a Dr. Winters, brought in by a friend to perform several autopsies in the aftermath of a strange and terrible incident. Winters’s friend Sheriff Craven explains the circumstances behind the incident when the two meet up–it’s a strange case of seemingly unconnected events that all led to one particular miner, a man named Joe Allen, using a strange device to set off an explosion, killing himself and several other miners in the process. What starts off as a routine albeit unusual autopsy turns into something far more sinister and surprising by the end of the night.

Potential scare warnings include, once again, a whole lotta dead people, as well as lots of organs and such (it is called The Autopsy for a reason, after all). There’s also the aforementioned explosion, some stabbing and slicing, and some tentacles (though not nearly as many as Lot 36, so there’s that).

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

While the main meat of the episode (ew, wrong choice of words for this subject matter, my bad) is the titular autopsy, there is a fair amount of time taken to focus on the events leading up to the explosion, that then leads up to the autopsy itself. While Craven goes into detail about the miner who caused the explosion, Allen, discussing how he apparently hadn’t seemed like himself lately, as well as about some dissected human remains the department had recently found in large black bags, Winters takes a moment to divulge that he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, having a few months to live at the most (this seems like an odd, sad detail in the moment but it does come into play later).

Perhaps the oddest thing about the whole incident, Craven explains, is that at one point, the police were actually in possession of the strange object Allen used in the explosion. Once they’d caught up with him, he had a moment where he could have run–instead, he grabbed the device and headed into the mine, blowing everything (and everyone) up. When Craven then asks if Winters would like him to stick around to keep him company during the autopsies, Winters tells him to head on home and get some sleep (this is, as you may imagine, a poor and unfortunate decision on his part). Now alone with the bodies, Winters starts a recorder to explain his findings to Craven as he carries on, and gets to autopsy-ing.

Though there are some odd details about some of the bodies, there doesn’t seem to be anything incredibly noteworthy, at least at the start. Winters makes note of some strange details as he carries on, but nothing can fully prepare him for the truth, which is….

ALIENS.

(oh, snap)

Yes, that’s right, the reason Allen had been acting so strange lately is because he was actually possessed by an alien parasite creature thing. With tentacles. The thing reanimates the supposedly dead Allen, knocking Winters out. When he comes to, he is strapped to one of the autopsy tables, which is when Alien Allen gets to monologuing about how in its true form, it’s weak in that it is essentially “senseless”–without any sensory organs of its own, it relishes finding hosts to inhabit and using their bodies to experience things, all while feeding off it from the inside. Alien Allen is suuuuuper excited about Winters, specifically because of his cancer. Alien Allen explains that it will essentially fuse minds with Winters, taking the cancer away because it will be feeding off of it, and doesn’t Winters want the cancer to be gone?

While Alien Allen begins splicing up Allen’s body to free the parasite self so it can then slide on into Winters, Winters desperately tries to think of a way to stop the creature, disgusted by the way it enjoys the pain of those it inhabits. As the real Allen dies with the parasite exiting him, he manages to offer the scalpel to Winters, at which point Winters understands everything: Allen caused the explosion because he knew about the parasite, and was trying to get rid of it. And now, with the gift of the scalpel, Winters can do what Allen couldn’t.

While the parasite slowly works its way over to Winters, the doctor gets to work. Stabbing his eardrums with the scalpel, and apparently gouging out his own eyes (I don’t remember that part specifically though it apparently happened, guess I blocked it out…I mean, can you blame me) Winters writes something on his chest in blood before finally slitting his own throat. We then cut to a sort of mystical-looking background, where Winters explains to the parasite through their now shared consciousness that it is now trapped in Winters’s dying and now disabled body–the parasite can’t use many of Winters’s sensory organs for its enjoyment because of how he mutilated them himself. Not only that, but Craven should be showing up soon, and Winters had left his recording on.

Craven does show up, crushed at the state his friend is in, but sees what Winters wrote on his chest with his last moments: instructions to play the recording and burn his body (and the parasite).

This one was devastating to be put through, but I did love it. Part of that is the impeccable acting put out by our leads (F. Murray Abraham, Glynn Turman, and Luke Roberts) but part of it is just how incredibly written and directed this piece is–everything is tied up neatly at the end, and the horror doesn’t win, ya know? Winters’s fate is horrendous, but he’s such a clever and likable character in just the hour or so that we know him, it would be doing him a huge disservice if he had ultimately been unable to take the parasite down with him.

Imagery that will absolutely stay with me forever is the way they cut between Winters performing the autopsies and Allen’s dead hand hanging off the table in the back room multiple times before revealing Allen had been reanimated. We’re used to that shot, where the hand hanging off the edge of the table suddenly twitches or moves, but they don’t play that card immediately and I love them for it. The suspense built up plays directly off of our expectations, and it works so, so well.

The score by Christopher Young is impeccable, and it adds so much in the terms of uncomfy vibes to the story as we learn what really went down.

(To be really nerdy for a second: the first piece featured in the episode, fittingly called “The Autopsy,” is almost…pleasant. It’s played before we know what’s actually happening, but while it isn’t outright scary like the other two pieces Young composed for the episode, something about it still seems…off. It reminds me a lot of the music he composed for the remake of Pet Sematary (my review of which can be found here!) because you would have songs like “Fielding Fine” which are genuinely lovely and nice, and then you’d have…the rest of them. I just think it’s a fascinating thing Young does in the things he composes for.

Anyway. Extra nerdy moment done for now.

But extra sidenote–revisiting my Pet Sematary review now is kinda funny because I make it VERY CLEAR I am no horror aficionado there…and now here I am, a few years later, purposefully watching and reviewing horror stuff because I enjoy it. I still wouldn’t classify myself as an aficionado for this kind of thing, but I do have a newfound appreciation for horror and what it is and can be.

Still don’t like the direction they took Pet Sematary in, though.)

Episode 4: “The Outside” directed by Ana Lily Amirpour

after seeing this one, the light blood splatters on the cutesy-looking title font for this poster make me big sad 😦

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

Welcome to our next story, where we follow a bank teller named Stacey. Stacey is a bit quirky. Though Stacey seems to have a perfectly delightful little life–nice job, nice husband, nice house, etc., she’s convinced that she’s stuck on the “outside,” particularly when it comes to the other women at work. They all look and act a certain way, and Stacey just doesn’t fit in with all that. Also she does taxidermy. So I mean. There’s that.

Everything changes, however, when Stacey gets invited to a Secret Santa party with her coworkers. She and the other women all receive a special kind of lotion called “Alo Glo” which is apparently all the rage and will fix everything wrong in your life, as lotion does. But because you just gotta kick a girl when she’s down, Stacey seems to be allergic to the magical Alo Glo and returns home with a nasty rash. If you thought all seemed to be lost for Stacey, however, fear not–everything’s about to change. So actually, maybe you should fear…

Potential scare warnings include taxidermy and the process of making it, lots of skin stuff because of Stacey’s rash, stabbing, blood, and if you’re more sound-sensitive, lots and lots of squelchy noises because of the lotion.

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

So the fun really begins when Stacey is watching TV one night after the Secret Santa party (it was actually a fake Secret Santa party, because it was really just one of Stacey’s coworkers giving everyone Alo Glo samples a la one of those mlm product parties. Stacey was the only one who brought a separate gift apparently, and her coworker didn’t really appreciate the taxidermy duck Stacey made. Weird.). She’s miserable, having called out of work due to the rash.

At this point, the man in the Alo Glo ad starts talking to her directly. He is able to convince Stacey that she’s not allergic to the lotion, and it does have the power to make her beautiful and change her life, this ugly and unhealthy rash is just part of the process, that’s all! It just means it’s working! Doesn’t she want to be beautiful? Doesn’t she want to fit in with her coworkers?

This completely convinces Stacey, and she orders a giant box full of Alo Glo. For the next several days, Stacey continues to stay home from work and slather herself in Alo Glo and her rash gets worse and worse and worse. Her husband begs her to stop using the stuff, saying she should see a doctor, but Stacey is delirious with the promise of “beauty” and is utterly convinced the lotion is working, it’s just a long process. Her husband isn’t convinced. He tries to tell her that she’s perfect and wonderful the way she is, and doesn’t she hate those women at work anyways? Why would she want to be like them? He loves her just the way she is, but Stacey doesn’t care.

At this point, all of the bottles of Alo Glo in the box she ordered suddenly open and the lotion starts pouring out of the bottles, filling the box and spilling over the edge. By the time Stacey gets to the box, the spilled lotion has formed into a humanoid figure, reaching out to her. Stacey embraces the lotion person, drenching herself in the stuff in the process. When she re-emerges, her husband is horrified to see her in this state and makes the decision to call a doctor for her. Frustrated that her husband refuses to “support her” and in a moment of pure anger, Stacey ends up stabbing her husband in the forehead. There’s a long and awful moment where her husband is bleeding, desperately trying to reach out on his police radio for help, but it’s too late–Stacey finishes the job with a hatchet.

The lotion person returns, heading up to the bathroom where it then dissolves into the bathtub, filling it. Stacey sinks into the tub, coating herself with Alo Glo (not unlike how the lotion person looked originally). When she emerges, squelching her way into the bedroom, she notices that sections of the lotion are peeling off–everywhere she pulls the lotion off, her skin is revealed to be smooth and perfect, with the rash nowhere to be seen. By the end, she is, at least in her eyes, beautiful. Thrilled, she runs downstairs to show off her new self to her husband…’s corpse.

In a terrific mood, Stacey goes on to taxidermy her husband, throw on some fancy clothes and makeup, and for the first time since the day of the Secret Santa party, head off to work. While her coworkers are shocked to see her initially, they quickly warm up to her, bringing her into their little gossip gaggle. As Stacey laughs along with them, the camera zeroes in on her, until she’s looking and laughing right at us. She’s no longer on the outside–we are.

Look, all of these episodes are unsettling in some way, but this is the one that sticks with me the most. I think it’s phenomenal and also I hate it so much. It’s so uncomfy!! I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it!! But I love the way it turns beauty norms and even the beauty industry itself into a really effective horror story. I hate it. But I also love it. I could go on and on about how incredible the presentation of the superficial coworkers was, and how while we didn’t want to Stacey to want to be like and fit in with them, we understand how she feels, though! It works so well as a story because it’s so easy to see the Stacey in ourselves–it’s an incredibly human thing to want to belong, and to feel like you’re on the outside of something special that other people have.

I think the part that really kills me (no pun intended) is how genuinely good Stacey’s husband was. You get the impression they had a really good marriage and good relationship, and he was truly worried about her–he didn’t even really try to intervene himself until he thought that Stacey’s health might be in danger. Despite her claims that he wasn’t supporting her, he really did try to! He did try to give her space to figure out what she wanted! In the end though, the predatory beauty culture wins out, and Stacey not only murders him, but what we can assume to be the only truly good relationship she had, all so she could fit in with the popular kids. It’s such an eerie and gorgeous commentary on this particular section of modern society, and it’s chilling.

RIP Stacey’s husband–perfect cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure.

And, of course, Daniele Luppi’s work on the score is phenomenal. It’s super eerie and uncomfy. I hate it. So it fits in perfectly with the episode.

Remember kids, if late night infomercials start talking directly to you, it’s time to turn off the TV and go straight to bed (do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200). Yes, even if the one speaking in the ad looks and sounds like Dan Stevens.

(Sidenote–this episode is based on a webcomic by Emily Carroll which you can check out here if you’re interested! I might do a whole separate post detailing the similarities and differences between the episode and the webcomic because, as previously stated, it is this episode that sticks with me the most out of the bunch and I may never be satisfied talking about it enough)

Episode 5: “Pickman’s Model” directed by Keith Thomas

obsessed with the way Ben Barnes is now typecast as “on the receiving end of unfortunate circumstances due to cursed portraits and everything that entails”

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

Welcome to the early 1900’s! Our protagonist for this story is an art student named William Thurber. Thurber is your typical pretty boy teacher’s pet, complete with lovely girlfriend and a rowdy group of art student buddies. But who cares? No big deal…he wants mooooooooore!

(He wants to be where the monsters are…he wants to see, wants to see them killing!

…*ahem* anyway)

This becomes evident when Thurber becomes absolutely fascinated with new student Richard Pickman. In a realism class where the students are supposed to be drawing what they see, Thurber gets a glimpse of Pickman’s drawing and sees something absolutely horrendous and spooky, though not necessarily realism. Intrigued, Thurber sort of adopts Pickman, encouraging him and asking him where he gets the ideas for his incredibly monstrous and unsettling work. Pickman himself seems to be a sort of foil for Thurber, appearing shy and awkward in comparison to Thurber’s confidence and charming personality.

This friendship is cut short, however, when Thurber starts seeing creatures from Pickman’s art in the real world. When the effect it has on him almost ruins his chances with his girlfriend, Thurber decides he’s had enough.

Years later, Thurber is still having dreams about Pickman’s paintings, but he has, for the most part, seemingly moved on with his life. That is, until Pickman himself reappears, setting into motion a horrific sequence of events that, despite all his efforts, Thurber is unable to avoid or change.

Potential scare warnings include really unsettling and scary paintings (no…really), lots of monsters, blood, and um…cannibalism? They don’t show the actual act, but rather what leads up to it, so it’s heavily implied.

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

As you might imagine, Thurber is none too thrilled when Pickman waltzes back into his life years later. He drops off a painting of his as a gift, and Thurber discovers this far too late–his son, James, has seen the painting and now is having awful nightmares. Now this feels personal, and Thurber confronts Pickman, who genuinely doesn’t seem to understand why Thurber is so unhinged about all of this.

(It’s worth noting, also, that nobody else seems to have the same reactions to Pickman’s paintings that Thurber does. Sure, James starts having nightmares, but no one else seems as disgusted and horrified by the art as Thurber is. In fact, when Thurber brings up not allowing Pickman to have a place in a gallery show or not wanting him to even be around anyone else, everyone honestly just chastises Thurber for being rude to poor Pickman. C’mon, Thurber, that’s not very nice of you.)

Pickman finally convinces Thurber to come to his home, to his studio, to see the art. All Pickman wants, he claims, is for the work to be seen. Thurber, itching for this nightmare to end, agrees. Pickman’s studio is just as eerie and unsettling as you would expect, and of course, driven mad by everything so far and his own frustration, Thurber makes a horrible decision and ends up shooting Pickman, killing him. Maybe on accident? Regardless, it’s not great. Thurber then sets fire to all of Pickman’s art, determined to see the nightmare end once and for all, but he’s shocked to see one of the monsters from Pickman’s work appear, dragging Pickman’s body off and presumably eating him. Thurber can’t spend too much time thinking on that, however, and seems to convince himself that everything, including the real monsters, will burn with the art, closing the book on that story for good.

Thurber takes his wife and son to see the gallery show he put on, sending them off to explore while he meets with one of his friends. Sadly, the good feeling doesn’t last long, as Thurber realizes that many of the works on the walls are in fact Pickman’s. Not only that, they’re pieces that Thurber remembers burning that one night. When he goes to ask his friend what the hell is going on, he’s horrified to see his friend has been staring at one of the pieces in a trance, the left side of his head completely mangled while he mutters about something.

Realizing what this could mean, Thurber rushes off to find his family, but it’s too late–they’ve seen the paintings. Thurber rushes them home, ordering one of the gallery workers to take down all of Pickman’s works and destroy them. With that done, Thurber himself heads home. His wife is facing away from him, steadily chopping something. Thurber tiredly apologizes to her, explaining that it’s all over now, and everything’s fine.

As you can probably guess, everything is not fine.

When his wife turns around, we and Thurber are met with the horrific sight and knowledge that she has gouged her own eyes out. Pickman’s paintings have driven her mad, and she is speaking strangely (I mean…you probably would be, too).

(Also, we never see what it is exactly she was chopping up, but the sound effects imply…yeah.)

Remembering one of Pickman’s works in particular, and extremely unsettled, Thurber asks where their son is. His wife simply smiles, and Thurber opens the oven to find…yeah. Just like one of Pickman’s paintings, his wife gouged out her own eyes, and then proceeded to murder and roast their son. Aaaaaand then the episode ends so we have no idea how Thurber deals with this particular roadblock…

Though not one of my favorites, I did enjoy this one, particularly the tragedy of it all. There’s something about the way that Thurber only realizes Pickman’s paintings do depict reality and even the future when it’s just slightly too late–he ends up losing whatever friendship he might have had with Pickman as well as his wife and son. Even Pickman thought they were friends, and tells him as much, and it just breaks my little heart–the story does a fascinating flip from hinting that Pickman, with his strange mannerisms and eerie paintings, must be the villain, to showing that it was never him but the monsters themselves and even Thurber. All Pickman wanted was someone who understood and saw beauty in his work, and Thurber shuts all of that down so he can have a normal life. That choice, however, then leads to him losing absolutely everything.

(This isn’t even touching on the potential queer undertones here–Pickman being “the odd one out,” no one understands him, Thurber reaches out and forms a friendship because he’s drawn to him (HE GIVES HIM A NICKNAME EVEN), but ultimately he chooses societal norms over it all and ends up marrying his girlfriend and having a family with her, shunning Pickman even when he comes back into his life, even when Pickman assumes they’re still friends…IT’S JUST. YES.)

At the end of it, all Pickman wanted was someone who understood and could see the world the way he did. He just wanted someone to share that with. When he brings Thurber to his studio, I don’t think it’s with malicious intent, I truly think he assumes that once Thurber sees the truth, he’ll understand. They’ll be in this together.

But Thurber doesn’t give him the chance. Pickman dies. The monsters are real. His wife goes mad. Children get tossed into ovens. You get the idea.

The score by Michael Yezerski is–you guessed it–amazing. It’s a beautiful blend of sweeping and lovely to set the scene when things are “good” and incredibly eerie and haunting for when the more horrific things happen.

All in all, it’s a great entry into the “Ben Barnes has his life ruined by cursed paintings” cinematic universe.

Episode 6: “Dreams in the Witch House” directed by Catherine Hardwicke

she seems nice ❤ (the sequel)

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

Welcome back to the early 1900’s!

(Yes, we’re still here–this was the Lovecraft section of the cabinet)

For this tale, we follow a man named Walter Gilman on his supernatural quest to save his sister’s soul. When he was a kid, Walter’s twin sister Epperley died, and he witnessed her spirit get dragged away into a forest. Years later, he’s now working for a sort of paranormal investigation society, searching high and low for some way to bring his sister back ~from the beyond~. So far, nothing has worked.

As the people in his life begin to lose patience with him and his obsession with doing the impossible, Walter finally stumbles upon something that almost gives him exactly what he wants. The downside? Epperley’s spirit isn’t the only one out there hoping to get back.

Potential scare warnings include some light creature jumpscares, I think some stabbing, something very similar to that famous scene from the movie Alien, some dead bodies, and some very unsettling critters.

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

So basically, as is to be expected, Walter must first deal with a sort of “fall from grace” kind of deal before he’s able to reunite with his sister in any form. His best friend and coworker at the supernatural society basically quits so he can get a better paying job, Walter himself is let go from the society and disgraced, and he loses his original place of residence. He has a plan though!

Walter rents a room in this deeeefinitely not haunted house which apparently used to belong to a witch who was executed, named Keziah Mason. He also starts frequenting this uh…bar? Smoking room? Local cool kid hangout? where he takes an Indigenous drug that allows him to actually venture into the Forest of Lost Souls, which is where Epperley was dragged off to when they were kids. He’s able to find her, but he can’t ever stay in the Forest for long–plus, something has detected his presence there.

(It’s Keziah, it’s the witch lady…I mean it’s called Dreams in the Witch House we were bound to reach this point some time)

After one of his visits, however, he finds that he was actually able to take a torn piece of Epperley’s sleeve back with him to the real world, which convinces him that it is possible to bring his whole sister back with him. By this point he has also befriended another tenant of the witch house, a fellow disgraced individual who believes that Keziah is still out there somewhere, doing her best to return to the real world.

Despite everyone’s warnings, Walter stays focused, learning that the reason he was able to bring Epperley’s sleeve back and the reason he’s able to cross the threshold and find her so easily is because he and Epperley have their own kind of magic: they’re twins. Twins are the key! Determined and confident, Walter ventures into the Forest once more. Unfortunately, he and Epperley are somewhat stuck now because Keziah knows what they’re up to and wants to use them to return herself. Just when they think they’ve outmaneuvered her, however, their position is given away by–and I wish I was joking–a talking human-faced rat.

Walter and Epperley do escape, but they have been followed. They seek refuge in a church, which Keziah at least temporarily cannot enter, and they call on Walter’s old buddy from the supernatural society (who, for his credit, believes Walter now. That’s nice). Shenanigans ensue, and they end up back at the witch house. The new ultimatum, they learn, is that Walter has to die before dawn in order for either Keziah or human-rat to come back permanently. Just when all seems lost and Keziah has Walter pinned, Epperley comes through and destroys her. This action, however, has a price–having saved her brother and escaped from the Forest, Epperley’s spirit is free and she’s able to move on. Walter is, seemingly, alone again.

Meanwhile, the other witch house tenant and Walter’s buddy uncover a dark secret in the house: the body of both Keziah and the human-rat, who turns out to be her familiar, Jenkins.

(Fun fact! The body they use for Jenkins literally looks like a rat skeleton with a human skull on top, most likely a reference to the ways freak shows and cabinets of curiosities would actually meld skeletons in order to sell the “truth” of the existence of hybrid creatures, like mermaids. Very fun! I mean, horrific and unsettling in context, but fun!)

Speaking of rat-boy, guess who hitched a ride out of the Forest? Jenkins is here and he’s pissed at Walter for messing up their plans. He actually BURSTS out of Walter’s chest, a la Alien, and kills him, right before dawn, thereby possessing him. Now in control of a full human body, Jenkins/Walter heads out into the streets, excited to try out this body and all it can do.

(So, yes, out of context spoilers for this episode include, weirdly enough…Ratatouille.)

I walked away from this episode with a lot of mixed feelings and thoughts, but primarily…what?

The more I thought about it, though, the more I was able to settle on thinking how much I really enjoyed this one. It’s absolutely weird, don’t get me wrong, but I think that’s kind of its charm. I think it was smart to pair this story with Pickman’s Model (in terms of when the episode was released) because Pickman’s is so, so dark and bleak and just…yeah. It’s good, it’s just rough. This one isn’t necessarily any happier, of course, but the absolute strange and quirky nature of it was just…I like it. I have yet to hear of anyone else feeling this way, but that’s fine–maybe this one was made for me and me only.

The whole thing also literally comes full circle, because they actually start the episode with a shot of Walter’s body and you hear Jenkin’s voice talking as if it’s him–and by the end, it is! He even sets it up the way Flynn does in Tangled (“this…is the story of how I died…”) and you aaaaalmost forget about that by the time you actually hear both Walter and Jenkins speak. It’s built up in such a way, even, that you think maybe the protagonists won! Alas…it’s another victory for the cursed rats.

(What is it with this anthology and cursed rats?)

I don’t know–something about it feels a lot more fantastical than some of the other entries, and I think that’s cool? But I can see where, coming out of Pickman’s Model, this one feels a bit too out there. Horror can be quirky and weird, too, you guys–that’s one of the beautiful things about the genre as a whole.

As always, the soundtrack for this one, composed by Anne Chmelewsky, fits the vibe perfectly and I love it.

Episode 7: “The Viewing” directed by Panos Cosmatos

somehow, the worst part of this poster for me is the strings of slime stretched between the two horns, and not the horns themselves

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

WELCOME TO THE 1970’S!! In this story, we follow a rather unusual group of individuals who are summoned to an eclectic rich guy’s mansion for “a special viewing.” On the way over, they do their best to try and figure out what a musician, a physicist, an author, and a psychic all have in common (yes, it does sound like the setup for a bad joke). Upon their arrival, they meet both the rich guy himself and his physician and, after a whole lot of drugs to “expand their consciousness” and “get them on the same wavelength,” the viewing commences.

As you might expect, things go horribly, horribly wrong

Potential scare warnings include just a whole lot of drug use, people making a lot of really dumb decisions, and lots of face/body melting. Like, lots.

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

Honestly like, 80% of this one is the quirky cast of characters doing drugs and talking about life, so we can skim through that beginning section. Basically, our cast includes:

  1. Eccentric old rich guy Lionel Lassiter who has very strange decorating taste, among other things
  2. His physician Dr. Zahra who I’m sure is extremely smart and capable but also her primary treatment plan seems to be cocaine, which I mean…ya know
  3. Local musician who’s lost his mojo until he starts smoking, Randall Roth
  4. Local physicist who believes in ~aliens~, Charlotte Xie
  5. Local author who’s also, let’s face it, kind of a jerk, Guy Landon
  6. Local ~quirky~ psychic, Targ Reinhhard
  7. (There’s also Lionel’s assistant? Employee? Driver who brings the others to the rich guy house? He’s also there, at least sort of)

And Lionel and Zahra spend most of the time just convincing the others to drink and do drugs (you could totally do a “this is your brain on drugs” ad with the footage of melted faces once we get to that point) and literally the only reason I’m unsure why this is so necessary comes later when it like…directly leads to a lot of death.

Anyway, once everyone’s good and high, (and once Charlotte and Zahra have had lots of ~gay pining~ moments), we finally get to the actual viewing section of the story. Lionel takes everyone to a ~secret room~ where he reveals what he’s been holding on to: some sort of large, sparkly meteor thing (it’s unclear if the meteor is actually sparkly, or if that’s just how they all interpret it due to collective drug brain). They’re all intrigued, of course, and Charlotte is the most excited, being an alien physicist and all. Randall, meanwhile, continues smoking in the room, despite Lionel repeatedly asking him to stop. It is, however, too late.

The meteor seems to inhale the smoke, glittering ominously one last time before it cracks open like an egg (once again…this is your brain on drugs) and reveals that inside is some sort of orange, globby friend. The whole thing was like alien silly putty! By this point, everyone has fallen into some sort of trance, however, and this is where things get unfortunate:

Targ and Guy are the first to die, a la face melting and head exploding, respectively. Panicking, Charlotte and Randall are watching in horror and trying to find a way out of the sealed room. Still in the trance, Zahra approaches the blob and touches it–this causes her to melt. The alien ooze then makes its way over to Lionel, possessing him and kind of turning him into this orange blobby humanoid figure with horns. By this point, Lionel’s assistant/employee friend arrives, promising to give Charlotte and Randall time to escape. Assistant/employee does his best, but ultimately, he is no match for alien ooze.

Charlotte and Randall, meanwhile, hightail it out of there and make their escape in a snazzy sports car, trying to figure out if what they just witnessed actually happened. At the same time, alien ooze makes its way through the sewers, emerging just outside the city–it stalks towards the buildings, and the camera zooms out slowly, showing flickering streetlamps and probably hundreds if not thousands of unsuspecting people who have no idea how to deal with alien ooze.

While I still like this one (because I do like all of them), I will say this one is probably my least favorite of the bunch if only because it’s not my style. The questions I had at the end of this one bugged me more than some of the others–why did the meteorite react to the smoke from Randall? Why was Lionel’s assistant/driver guy completely crying in that one cut when Lionel asked him about the gold gun? Why did the trance state affect some of the attendees so strongly while it didn’t affect Charlotte and Randall strongly enough, thereby allowing them to escape? Not end of the world questions, of course, but for me personally, it left me a bit disappointed and I feel like it weakened the piece as a whole. But that’s just me, I’m sure it was a favorite episode for others and that’s awesome. I’m fully willing to believe the point of it went right over my head. Maybe it’s a commentary on how rich people’s questionable hobbies can ultimately lead to their downfall? Or maybe it’s just another entry in the timeless story of “don’t mess with aliens and turn things we don’t understand into needless spectacle”

Nope review coming to a blog near you *finger guns emoji*)

One thing I did like while trying to look up what year this one takes place–in the prologue for this episode, del Toro talks about what happens when the viewers become the viewed, which is a horrifying question and initially, made me wonder what kind of episode we were in for. This meant at the time, I didn’t see how that question related to the episode at hand. When I looked up the year for this one, however, I forgot to specify “the viewing” from this anthology and just left it as-is, which meant all the results were about the stage of a funeral referred to as “the viewing.”

This hit me like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not sure if it’s the intended connection we’re meant to make, but seeing as a key piece of this episode is us, the viewers, watching this group of people melt to their deaths…well. The ensemble of the episode thought they were attending a viewing of sorts, and they were, but the episode ropes us in as well because we are viewing them.

Then, of course, you get to wonder–who’s viewing us?

“The Viewing Suite” is the only piece of music on the soundtrack for this episode, by Daniel Lopatin. It’s definitely an unsettling, electronic vibe that fits the overall aesthetic of the episode super well. Which means that, of course, I like it.

Episode 8: “The Murmuring” directed by Jennifer Kent

birds playing Halloween charades over here

SPOILER-FREE SUMMARY AND NOTES:

Welcome to the 50’s!

For this story we follow two ornithologists (bird people), Nancy and Edgar. The couple are about to take a trip to a remote island to further study a specific type of bird, a dunlin, and more specifically, why the birds move in what are called murmurations (the episode explains this beautifully, but essentially: you know when a flock of birds all move together, changing directions in a split second? How do they communicate that? How and why do they do it? That kind of thing).

Upon arrival, they are introduced to a caretaker who set up a previously abandoned house for them to stay in, rather than the tents they had planned. As the couple begin their research, it becomes increasingly clear that something else is in that house with them, and two women across history are able to share their grief amidst the call of the flocks of dunlins that inhabit the island.

Potential scare warnings include a creepy child (this is horror, after all), some light jumpscares, child death, suicide, and some like…frightening imagery I guess? The ghosts are spooky-looking.

SPOILER-FILLED ENDING DESCRIPTION AND NOTES:

The house Nancy and Edgar are told to stay in had previously been abandoned for decades, and it does show in the weathering on the exterior, but the caretaker we meet did go through and make sure it has all the basic amenities. There is a hint very early on that something tragic has happened in Nancy and Edgar’s lives, thus Edgar thinks the time away will be good for them.

While the research seems to be happening smoothly enough to begin with, Nancy starts hearing a child’s voice on the recordings she’s taken of the dunlins. She desperately wants to ignore it in the beginning, but the ghosts won’t let her. It becomes apparent that the house is home to two ghosts (at least, maybe there’s more? spoooooky) a young woman and a little boy. The boy always appears frightened and soaking wet, occasionally mentioning how his mom is angry with him, while the woman is frantic, screaming and rushing around, hair flying everywhere. You know, usual ghost stuff.

As time passes and Nancy encounters the ghosts more and more, she becomes obsessed with putting the pieces together of who they are and what happened to them. This puts a massive strain on her relationship with Edgar, as we learn that he wanted to use the trip as an opportunity to rekindle things with his wife after the loss of their daughter, Ava. Through various arguments, we learn that, at least in Edgar’s eyes, Nancy has not grieved for their daughter at all–she hasn’t even cried. After Nancy sort of forcefully asks the caretaker who the previous owners of the house were and what their story was, Edgar has had enough. Why is she more interested in a couple of strangers than her own family?

Thanks to the caretaker and some letters uncovered in Nancy’s own sleuthing, she learns that the woman’s name is Claudette–and as per true haunted house tradition, her life was filled with tragedy. Claudette was in love with a soldier, and though all seemed to be going well, it turns out he was actually married to someone else entirely and he straight up abandoned Claudette when he learned that she was pregnant with their child. Claudette was basically dropped onto the island to live alone, shunned by her family thanks to a scandal that wasn’t her fault. Like Nancy, Claudette had a fascination with the birds on the island and longed to be free like they are (something that causes Nancy to feel a sort of kinship with her, as that is always Nancy’s answer to the question of “what do you like about birds so much?”) But one night, years later, the stress and hysteria proved to be too much, and Claudette snapped, drowning her son in the bathtub.

Initially upon learning this, Nancy is furious with Claudette–I mean, who does that? So one night, when Edgar has already left to study the dunlins (and kind of made it clear that unless Nancy reached out to state otherwise, their relationship was over), Nancy decides to confront the ghosts. She speaks to the scared boy, explaining what happened to him, that his mother did a terrible thing but it isn’t his fault, and the boy runs to her, disappearing and presumably finally moving on. Now ready to confront Claudette, Nancy turns and realizes…she got the story wrong. Claudette did drown her son in a moment of intense anger, but she was wracked with so much guilt immediately afterwards that she jumped from the attic window, killing herself. Heartbroken, Nancy rushes outside to where Claudette would have fallen, but of course, nothing is there.

Instead, however, a large flock of dunlins head straight for Nancy, surrounding her in the murmuration. She spreads her arms, closes her eyes…and then she cries. Once the birds leave, Nancy calls Edgar on the radio and tells him through her tears that she’s ready to talk about Ava.

If The Outside was one of my favorite episodes from the anthology because it made me think and made me uncomfy, this one is one of my favorite episodes because it made me think and made me treasure humanity. It’s one of my favorite horror types, the Crimson Peak and The Haunting of Hill House/Bly Manor type of “it’s not a ghost story–it’s a story with ghosts in it” and “it’s not a ghost story…it’s a love story.” It’s a beautiful tragedy that focuses on relationship expectations and how we relate to the world around us.

I’ve read a couple different reviews talking about what the point of this episode is, and I love how we’ve all come away with different things. Is it a case study of how women’s grief is treated in society as a whole? Is it a commentary on family and the various things that can mean, particularly when loss comes into play?

I don’t know. I think it’s all of those things, and maybe more. We don’t know how Ava dies, or even how old she is when it happens. There’s a scene where Nancy dreams about a baby, so it’s possible that’s how old Ava was when she died, or it could just be Nancy remembering what her daughter had been like. Interestingly, we learn more about Claudette’s tragedy than Nancy’s. There’s a lot that remains unexplained, and I think that’s the beauty of it. I think there is certainly room to interpret that when Claudette died, when she fell from the window, she became those birds she loved so much (Dear Esther, anyone?). So when Nancy learns the truth and she runs outside and the murmuration encases her, it’s not a moment of horror–it’s a moment of gratitude. I think it’s very possible that being trapped in that house made Claudette forget what she had done to her son, so all she was left with was the anger. When Nancy set her son free, Claudette had to once again face what she did…and remembering that grief is what set her free also. That grief that surrounds Nancy at the end in the form of the birds is what allows her to reach out to her husband, to talk about what happened to them. Nancy has what Claudette never did: someone to share her grief with. Is that the only interpretation of the piece? I don’t think so. Grief is such a powerful human emotion, and we’ve spent centuries trying to maneuver it. This episode is just one more way of doing that.

Combined with a haunting soundtrack by Jed Kurzel, I love this piece. I think everything about it is beautifully done, and it’s definitely one I would watch again.

SHOULD YOU WATCH THIS ANTHOLOGY FOR YOURSELF?

YES.

If horror is of any interest to you at all, if you love Guillermo del Toro, if you love anthologies, if you love short, spooky stories…yes. I think if horror isn’t your thing, I would still think about giving it a try, but trust me–I get wanting to skip it.

All in all, it’s a beautiful collection of weird and wonderful things that showcase what it is to be human in many different ways, which, as stated before, is exactly what a cabinet of curiosities should be. If any of this sounded interesting to you, I highly recommend checking all this out for yourself.

Splicing Up The Details of “Don’t Worry Darling”–everything we know so far

breaking out of my void to say um??? New trailer for this movie starring Florence Pugh?? Directed by Olivia Wilde??? GEMMA CHAN IS IN IT???? MUSIC BY JOHN POWELL??????? goodbye

Unlike my posts theorizing about The Quarry (which is delightful so far and yas there will be a review post for that just as soon as I’m done zooming around Hot Wheels tracks in Forza), this one won’t involve pulling much from various social media sites because there just isn’t that much out there yet.

We do however have 2 official trailers and they are a doozy.

THE STORY SO FAR

At its core, the film seems to be about young couple Alice (Florence Pugh) and Jack (Harry Styles) in the 1950s living out their perfect lives in their perfect town. That is, of course, until Alice starts to question some less-than-ideal elements of their existence and everything immediately starts unraveling.

The official website actually offers a pretty in-depth synopsis for us: Alice and Jack are just one of the many couples living in the “experimental company town” of Victory–during the day, the men go to work on the top-secret Victory Project while the wives hang out and clean and cook and so on and so forth. As Alice starts to question things, she learns more and more about “something sinister lurking beneath the attractive facade” and ultimately must decide how much she’s willing to lose in order to expose the truth.

Much of what we see in the trailers involves Alice specifically questioning what on earth is actually happening with the “Victory Project.” There’s a delightfully unsettling dinner scene where she brings this up and is challenged by Frank (Chris Pine), the CEO of the project.

(Sidenote: so happy for Chris Pine to get to play a villain! Thrilled for him to join another Hollywood Chris on this journey of “I’m super pretty and usually get to play the romantic lead/good guy so therefore audiences trust me and it will add a very unsettling element to this film now that I’m a villain.” Basically, Evil Chris Evans in Knives Out lives rent-free in my mind forever and now he’ll have some company!)

There are a lot of side-elements to this basic story shown to us in the trailers: Alice and Jack’s relationship, Alice’s friendship with the other wives, a ballet class? For some reason??? The trailers are DELIGHTFUL and I really think they’ve done a good job of building up tension and hinting at the overall mystery without giving too much away.

SOME THEORIES

EVERYONE LOOK AT GEMMA CHAN I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Okay anyway

Just like you would find in any good Jordan Peele thriller, something dark is lurking underneath the picture perfect facade, but what is it exactly?

At this stage of our knowledge (or really, lack thereof) about the film, I’m guessing right now it has something to do with atomic bombs and, more specifically, atomic bomb testing.

I mean, an obvious nod to that could easily be how similar the names are of secret projects being worked on: in the film, we have the “Victory Project,” and in reality, we had the “Manhattan Project.”

However, slight disclaimer: advertising for the film always highlights the 1950s as the timeline, whereas the Manhattan Project was exclusively 1940s. Its legacy and the work it inspired carried into the 50s and beyond, but still, it’s worth noting.

But wait–there’s more!

One of the more eerie shots in the trailer is a bird’s eye view of the town of Victory–an almost perfect circular town paradise in the middle of nowhere in the desert. There’s another moment where the wives are all hanging out and chatting when suddenly there’s a loud rumble and they react like it’s some sort of minor earthquake (“the boys and their toys” one of the characters says). In the other trailer, there’s a clip of Alice and Jack at home when the rumbling begins and Jack reaches out to steady a coffee cup. This tells us the rumbling happens at least two different times in the film–it could be a regular occurrence and the characters are so used to it, they just don’t care or question it.

Does everyone remember that one scene from the Indiana Jones movie where Indy hops into a fridge and survives a nuclear blast? But prior to that, he was in this picture perfect town full of mannequins?

WELCOME TO DOOM TOWN

Specifically in the 1950s, this was a real thing the US did to test out the effects of nuclear weapons. My personal research varied with amounts, but there were at least two different fully decked-out towns set up and then essentially, destroyed. Reports vary on whether they were Doom Towns, Survival Towns, both, etc. Houses were filled with furniture, real food, and fake people–one of these houses still stands today in Nevada if you’re looking for a fun road trip stop!

So, hear me out: that’s what Victory is. The Victory Project is, like the Manhattan Project before it, specifically focused on atomic testing while Victory is a Doom Town. Except instead of mannequins, they want to test out how it affects living people.

There’s even a clip shown in both trailers where Alice has a carton of eggs out but when she smashes one–it’s completely empty. It’s a fake egg.

The original Doom Towns had fake people and real food–Victory has fake food and real people.

They could even bring in how much of a disaster communication was on the original Manhattan Project: for example, if Alice and Jack are the picture of romance (as implied in the trailers) why would Jack willingly work on something that could bring about Alice’s death?

That’s just it: he may not even know what he’s working on. So many of the people working on the Manhattan Project had zero clue what they were building.

Speaking of Alice and Jack, their relationship is pushed a lot in the trailers. Almost every other clip is the two of them snuggling, making out, staring longingly at each other, or doing unspeakable things on a dinner table. The second trailer even has one of the other wives say that “Alice and Jack only have time for each other.” Later on, however, there are some clips where Jack is yelling at Alice because “not everyone gets this opportunity” and saying “I gave you all of this, Alice!” One of my favorite eerie moments is at a dinner scene where Alice is asking another woman where she met her husband, and Alice finishes the story for her, word for word. It seems to be implying that perhaps all of the couples met the exact same way. Maybe none of the relationships are real.

That, or perhaps the men do know more than they’re letting on while keeping their wives in the dark, for the sake of having those test subjects in the town.

(Speaking of: the website synopsis says that the town of Victory is for the men working on the project and their families, and even though all of the wives are shown…there are no kids? Anywhere? They might just not be in the trailers, but it’s just…interesting)

THINGS I DON’T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR

WHY IS THERE BALLET. WHY IS THE BALLET CLASS SUCH A BIG PART OF THE TRAILER. I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

I mean, cool major Black Swan vibes and all but–????

There’s also a fun sequence where Alice is running from a large group of people in red jumpsuits–maybe this was just a sequel to Us all along!

The second trailer also showed us some scenes that seem to point to Alice seeing a therapist of some sort. He mentions that other patients of his have nightmares, and there are pills that will help. I guess this could imply that this whole thing is some sort of mind experiment?? I mean, MK-Ultra started in 1953, so………they could go that route. This therapist also says “keep calm and carry on” which is notably a reference to WWII and therefore out of the 1950s timeline, for whatever that’s worth.

I also couldn’t begin to tell you why the second trailer is full of an ominous voice saying “tick…tock…” although I did at first wonder if having the main character be named Alice was some sort of Alice in Wonderland reference, and therefore, the “tick tock” voice could be referring to the whole white-rabbit-being-late thing. It’s unclear, though, of course.

The only truly notable social media post (at this point) is on Instagram–it’s the poster I put at the top of the post, before it glitches out and turns upside down and the text changes to “don’t worry” before flipping back around. That plane in the poster is shown briefly in a trailer, where it flies overhead but sort of wobbles in and out of focus. Couldn’t begin to tell you what that means at this point.

One of the taglines for the film seems to be “are you ready to live the life you deserve?” which could imply that all the characters in Victory are horrible people and they have this coming. Or something. We’ll find out!

And that’s pretty much it for now! I’ll pop back in with updates when we have them, but for now, we’re stuck waiting until the end of September.

So until then, check out the trailers and get ready for a wild ride come release day!

The Quarry: Updates #3!

my blog: come for the updates, stay for the memes

OH HEY EVERYONE GUESS WHAT UPDATED TODAY

(In my defense, I started this post on Thursday but then I got sidetracked by dying my hair and seeing Hadestown. And then I had to emotionally recover from dying my hair and seeing Hadestown.)

So now at the time of writing this, we are just under ONE WEEK AWAY from the game’s release!! We have a new YouTube video, lots of Instagram posts, a couple TikTok videos, and of course, A BRAND NEW PODCAST EPISODE to discuss today!!

Settle in with some snacks, keep an eye out for werewolves, and let’s dive on in!

Click the image above to check out the video!

YOUTUBE

2K uploaded what they are calling the “Official Gameplay Overview Trailer” where our good friend the director Will Byles dives into more specifics about what the gameplay will look like. He goes into the various modes, covering some of what we knew already, but I do want to touch on a few things!

  1. To start off with, we see a short new clip of Dylan and Ryan! If you’re like me and you’ve watched IGN or others talking about getting to play a short preview of the game, you’ll recognize this moment–it seems you have the decision as Dylan to climb back up the ladder, but doing so gives you a PATH CHOSEN moment and seems to point out that the ladder is now unsteady. Great. I’m sure that’s fine. It’s not like ladders need to be steady or anything. We don’t see that moment in this clip, but rather the moment before, where Dylan teases Ryan about seeing “absolutely nothing” down there. Dorks.
    1. Once again, though, you’ve got me asking…where are they? Do all the buildings have ominous basements, or are they in the actual namesake quarry? Hmmmmm…
    2. We do see the moment where Dylan can choose to climb up the ladder again later on in the video. It’s one of those “Path Updated” moments and seems to imply that putting just that much more pressure on the ladder is a bad idea–for later on, at least. Great, now I’m gonna be stressed out about ladders in my playthrough. Like, knowing this moment happens, do I choose not to go up the ladder then? Will that kill Dylan early? WHO DO I DOOM BY BREAKING THE LADDER THOUGH???
    3. I’m gonna inadvertently slaughter everyone during my playthrough, I just know it. Sorry in advance.
  2. There’s a brief clip where we see Jacob talking to Nick, asking him how his ~moment~ with Abigail in the woods went. We can choose to have Nick be evasive about it, asking Jacob how things are going with Emma instead, or hopeful, saying that it was okay.
    1. Obsessed with how the hopeful option is just like “it was aight” like?? Sure, okay.
  3. There’s a short clip of Jacob looking at different books in one of the cabins, and at one point he says “ugh, horror. I hate horror.”
  1. Important things to note that Will Byles says:
    1. In regards to the counselors throwing a party: “Unfortunately for them, hunting season has just begun, and they’re the prey.”
      1. a lot of the advertising earlier on seemed to be hinting that they would be hunted by other humans–Anton even points out how awful and monstrous humans can be in the podcast–but I’m just not sure that’s the case…at least, not entirely. THERE ARE TOO MANY CALLBACKS TO CRYPTIDS AND WEREWOLVES, FRIENDS. I don’t doubt they’re the prey, but I have questions about the predator(s) and their strange adherence to letting children hang out there unharmed for a whole week during the summer.
    2. In regards to gameplay: “You’ll play as all nine counselors throughout the course of the game.”
      1. I’ve mentioned this before, but they have to keep bringing this up for a reason. There’s a theory that Max and Laura are our prologue characters and we don’t see them again, but I just…that wouldn’t make sense and wouldn’t explain why they keep emphasizing “YOU WILL PLAY AS ALL NINE OF THEM” because as we saw in the prologue, you only play as Laura there. We still have to play as Max. MAX DIDN’T DIE IN THE PROLOGUE.
      2. Now…are we playing a fully human Max? Thaaaaaaat remains to be seen…
  2. He then goes on to discuss the various ways to play the game, from the classic single player experience to various multiplayer modes to the fun movie mode option, which I plan to use to watch what choices I SHOULD have made for the “everyone lives” option. Because again, I’m going to end up inadvertently slaughtering everyone, I just know it.
    1. It should be noted I will likely only be reviewing the single player modes here because…it’s in the title of the blog. Also, the multiplayer options require having friends.
      1. HA JK I HAVE FRIENDS
      2. but you need friends who enjoy horror

That about does it for YouTube for now!

Click the image above to check out the Instagram!

INSTAGRAM

We have a whopping NINE ELEVEN posts to get through and overanalyze, so LET’S DO THIS (they added more while I was emotionally recovering)

  1. Up first is a cute post sponsored by our favorite podcast, Bizarre Yet Bonafide, with a list of items they claim make up a cryptid survival kit. Apparently it works on most cryptids! (effectiveness not guaranteed, however)
    1. Items included in the “kit” are a Bizarre Yet Bonafide t shirt (pls I want this pls make this a thing pls), a vial of holy water, a silver crucifix, some wolfsbane, and some garlic bread. God I love garlic bread.
      1. So does this tell us what the monster of the game may be or is it too vague? Well…yes and no. The use of holy water is potentially too vague, as it can be used in exorcisms, warding off evil spirits, disease, or Satan himself, getting rid of demons, and even exposing a suspected vampire. A crucifix, as we all know (or at least those of us currently entrenched in Dracula Daily know), is used to ward off vampires, but the specification of a silver crucifix is interesting. From what I can tell, there’s nothing in mythology or folklore that says the crucifix has to be silver. To me, that seems to tie in a lot more to the whole “kill a werewolf with a silver bullet” thing. Speaking of wolves…WOLFSBANE. There is a lot going on with wolfsbane–from what I can tell, it’s one of many names for a species of flowers that could potentially be poisonous? In mythology, there seem to be conflicting accounts: some say it causes one to become a werewolf, some say it is used to repel monsters such as werewolves…and, perhaps most notably, wolfsbane was used as a sort of attempt to ward off Dracula in one of the movie adaptations. I can’t tell you if this happens in the original novel because we’re not at that point in Dracula Daily yet and I know I could just read the book myself BUT WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT. The kit also comes with garlic bread, but it’s unclear if that’s to ward off vampires or just to eat because garlic bread is delicious.
      2. All this to say, it’s possible the kit could be just an attempt at a general catch-all for warding off monsters and cryptids, but on the other hand, a loooooot of this seems to now be pointing at vampires. Which like, don’t get me wrong, would be cool–I just feel like we’ve seen a real uptick in vampire games recently. I’d be down for some werewolves, is all I’m saying. Or both. Both is good.
  2. The next post is our fun little introductory video to Chris, the apparent owner of the summer camp and maybe the area? Played by David Arquette, it’s Mr. H!
    1. Mr. H’s video describes him as “the father figure, friendly, charming, approachable” with a brief flash to his “negative” trait as being “short-tempered.”
      1. The scene they show when they call him short-tempered is from the trailer where he’s telling the kids NO you canNOT stay another night, JACOB. But I’m kinda running on the theory that dear old Mr. H might be one of the monsters himself–I think calling a quick-to-bite werewolf “short-tempered” is a bit of an understatement, but it’s just the kind of thing I would do if I were advertising for a game like this. HMMMM…
  3. The next post is an announcement that the release of one of the multiplayer modes is being delayed, and will not come out with the rest of the game on June 10. Instead, online multiplayer mode will be released via an update on July 8.
    1. The idea behind the online multiplayer is that (from what I gather) one person is playing, but everyone else can vote on decisions as they come up, thereby shaping the story by popular demand. At least then you have other people to blame when something goes horribly wrong!
  4. The next post is actually just the gameplay overview trailer we covered already in the YouTube section.
  5. The next post is a preview of what the “80’s Throwback Outfits” look like for Abigail, Nick, and Kaitlyn. The throwback outfits are available in the ~deluxe~ addition, but it’s worth noting that they won’t be available in-game until–wait for it–July 8.
    1. Kaitlyn’s is cute and all but doesn’t really give me her…energy? If that makes sense? Nick’s has a cute letterman jacket, which we love, but ABIGAIL. OH MAN ABIGAIL. SHE SLAYING IN THOSE PLAID PANTS I LOVE HER.
      1. gonna be so sad when I accidentally get her slaughtered
  6. We then have a clip from the fourth podcast episode, which I covered in my previous updates post if you’d like to check that out!
  7. Next up, we have a little arrangement of all of our lovely camp counselors, with the caption being “which counselors will survive your first playthrough?”
    1. My favorite comment is the person like “I will try to save everyone but if it’s anything like Until Dawn, I will accidentally slaughter everyone and be sad af”
    2. me too
  8. Next, we get a preview of what the 80’s throwback outfits look like for Emma, Jacob, and Ryan and they are…*chef’s kiss*
    1. Crop top supremacy is all I’m sayin
    2. Emma and Jacob crop top power couple
  9. Then, we get our favorite podcast episode update post with our favorite computer monitor and “Rabbit Hole” sticky note
    1. still have no idea what that means
  10. We then have a picture of our buddy the sheriff in front of the cellar from the prologue that reads “ONE WEEK LEFT”
    1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  11. this next post requires a lil ~sleuthing~ if you will, as it appears to be an actual tarot reading for us!! The cards presented to us are The Fool, The High Priestess, The Magician, and…The Tower
    1. Aight lemme preface this by saying that as an unapologetic tarot user and enthusiast myself, I still don’t know absolutely everything there is to know about the cards and my interpretation and theorizing about this could absolutely differ from the dev’s intentions and reasons for this post and the cards chosen. So much of tarot depends on the spread being used, the deck being used, the reader, the person on the other side of the table, so on and so forth. So, with that being said–let’s dive in.
    2. What’s important to note right off the bat is that there is no spread for these cards–they are simply presented to us one by one before moving on to the next one. Now, you don’t need a specific spread for readings, but sometimes the cards’ relationship to each other in the spread formation is crucial to whatever information you can glean from them. What’s a spread, you may be asking if you’ve read this far? Basically, it’s how you arrange the cards for the reading. There are any number of well known spreads (or, in simplest terms, shapes) you can use in readings, but people create their own spreads to use all the time, and the card’s position in the spread (shape) can help decipher what the cards are telling you. We don’t have any of that here, so our interpretation largely depends on the cards themselves.
    3. The amount of cards given to us is crucial as well–4. Simple tarot pulls tend to involve 3 cards (or even 1), so we can rule out more well-known spreads like the past-present-future. That’s not to say there are no pulls or spreads involving 4 cards because of course there are, but we don’t know which one we’re using here, so we can’t rely on it. Anyway, all that aside, let’s look at the cards themselves.
    4. Each card given to us is one of the Major Arcana–tarot decks are split into two different “types” of cards, the Major and the Minor Arcana. The Major Arcana are the ones used most often in media, they’re the cards like Death, The Lovers, and yes, The Tower. The Minor Arcana are organized more closely to a standard deck of cards, with four suits and number cards as well as “face” cards. Like the Major Arcana, every single Minor Arcana card has a different meaning, the difference being you can also glean some of that from the number of the card as well as the suit. But we’re not dealing with any of that here, so back to the Major Arcana!
    5. Card #1 from our reading is The Fool. This is a card we’ve seen before in the game, because it shows up as a collectible in the Prologue–Laura finds it while she’s exploring the spooky woods and the remains of the Harum Scarum show. Generally The Fool represents new beginnings, the start of a new journey, and innocence. When I covered this card in the Prologue video, I mentioned that this makes sense in context because it’s the start of the game and certainly the start of a new journey for us as the player. I don’t know how innocent we’re gonna be going into this “absolutely definitely a horror game” but…ya know.
    6. Card #2 is The High Priestess. Generally, the card is one of introspection and wisdom, especially when it comes to spirituality and spiritual knowledge. It’s a card of mystery, and (depending on the cards around it) it could be telling you to take a moment to closely investigate your surroundings or the situation you find yourself in because it’s possible things around you may not be what they appear to be. The card may not always mean that exactly, but I think in the context of…horror game…that interpretation makes sense. Plus, we’ve heard that kind of phrase before, the whole “things may not be as they appear.”
    7. Card #3 is The Magician. Generally the card points to success through determination and use of the knowledge and tools you currently possess–you have the power to shape your destiny and now is the time to do it. In the immortal words of Arthur in Shrek 3: “the only one standing in your way is…you.” Unlike the High Priestess’s warning of introspection, this card is all about how it is the time to act and embrace your full potential. You have the power, so use it.
    8. Card #4 is, unfortunately, The Tower. Like I discussed in a previous updates post, media generally is quick to use the Death card as a bad omen when the true enemy and the one you really want to watch out for is The Tower. BUT ALSO I’M KIDDING–there’s not such thing as a bad or “evil” tarot card, it’s all about their placement in the spread and the situation you’re reading into. That being said, The Tower generally has the greater potential to point to more negative outcomes or situations than, say, The Sun or the Wheel of Fortune (the card, not the game show). Generally, The Tower is associated with sudden, unexpected change or even disaster, an unforseen accident, and destruction. However, depending on the spread, it could also be referencing liberation and a sudden change that brings freedom from a dangerous situation. Do I think the game will be using that interpretation??? Absolutely not, this is a horror game and everyone gonna be dead. But we can dream.
    9. So…when you put them all together, what does it mean? Well, again, we’re at a bit of a loss because we don’t have a spread and therefore card placements and organization to use for reference. However, if I had to guess as a semi-coherent tarot enthusiast and overanalyzer of all small details in everything, I would say this reading isn’t directed at any of the characters in the game or even meant to tell us anything new necessarily–like the impossible choices presented to the Instagram audience, I believe this tarot reading is directed at us as the PLAYER as we start thinking about and getting ready to play this game. Every card can be used in this way to both help and warn us as we enter the final countdown this week. Like The Fool, we are beginning a new journey and are innocent only in that we don’t have all the answers on our first playthrough about what exactly is waiting for us in The Quarry–and we should keep that in mind and not be too cocky as we set out (unless we’re goin in with a full slaughter mindset, I suppose). I believe The High Priestess could be reminding us to not make too many snap decisions, especially because we don’t immediately have all the answers and again, things may not be what they seem to be. There’s a ton of mystery still and we just don’t fully know what’s waiting for us around the corner, so it’s worth approaching with caution. On the flipside, The Magician may be reminding us that using the knowledge we gain as we go through the story can only help us in the end. We literally have the power in our hands, so let’s use it. We have everything we need. Hopefully. And then we have The Tower, which feels…somewhat self-explanatory in retrospect. The characters we play as absolutely go through a sudden change and definite disaster, so we have to keep that in mind going in as we control them and shape their story and relationships. I think this also fits in nicely with the Prologue, and Max and Laura’s sudden change in their evening when they were attacked by…something.
      1. which like…is so absolutely their fault. WHY DID YOU EXPLORE THE WOODS. WHY DIDN’T YOU GO TO THE MOTEL LIKE TED RAIMI TOLD YOU TO. WHY DID YOU BREAK INTO THE CELLAR. Is it because you’re characters in a horror game? Yeah. Yeah that checks out.
    10. This could also mean something completely and entirely different!! Again, though I’m hopeful, we don’t know how much tarot research the devs have done or what their actual intentions are with this post, and we don’t have the luxury of a tarot spread to help us out (and none of the cards are reversed in the reading, which is a whole other thing). Ultimately, we’ll have to wait just a few more days and see for ourselves…
  12. (THEY ADDED TWO MORE POSTS SINCE I STARTED WRITING THIS SECTION CALM DOWN GUYS it’s almost like the game comes out in a couple days or something) Up next we have the 80’s throwback outfits for Laura, Max, and Dylan and they are SO. GOOD. Laura’s colorblock shirt?? Max’s sick jacket?? DYLAN’S!!! SWEATSHIRT!!!! AAAAAAAA
  13. Then we have a short clip of Laura in the woods from the prologue when Eliza ominously whispers “Silas” in her ear. It comes with some text that reminds us the game comes out THIS FRIDAY!!!

That’s all for Instagram for now!

Click on the image above to check out the TikTok page!

TIKTOK

There are two new posts on the TikTok page!

  1. The first is the same introduction video we got on Instagram, so no need to dive back into that.
  2. The second is the POV video the other counselors got, except instead of being from Chris’s point of view, it’s still from the counselors’ point of view, it’s just that it’s about Chris. It’s set up as “the most annoying things about Mr. H,” poking fun of his sense of style (or lack thereof) and his dad jokes. It then points out that he’s the only ride out of camp. I’m sure that’s fine, though.
    1. It’s worth pointing out that one of the thing the counselors complain about is that he “won’t give phones back.” I’m curious how this plays into the story, because we know Emma films lil vlogs with her phone, and part of the trailer is Kaitlyn’s phone when she sees a strange light on the island. So…does he only take some of the phones? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT IF YOU KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE COUNSELORS STAYING AN EXTRA NIGHT WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, DAVID ARQUETTE
  3. Since I started working on this post, they added another video, but it’s another repeat from Instagram: the video of Laura in the woods with the “THIS FRIDAY” text announcement.

That’s really all we’ve got for the TikTok page, at least for now! There may be more before the game’s release, although they seem to have transferred primarily over to Instagram in the final days.

Click the image to check out the podcast!

IT’S HERE IT’S HERE IT’S HEREEEEEEEEEE

I’ve missed Grace so much :’)

…and unfortunately I feel like I’m about to miss her more since my girl decided camping alone in Hackett Woods was a good idea. Le sigh.

This episode is a good 3-4 minutes LONGER than our usual audio adventures, so there’s a lot to unpack here!!

We start with the usual unsettling audio editing to set the scene (monster noises, crunching, squelching, the usual). We then hear our beloved Grace and find out that she is at the check-in desk of the Harbinger Motel because she drove out to Hackett Woods ALONE to investigate all her leads.

(By the way, if you’re wondering where you’ve heard the name of the motel before, it’s in the prologue! That’s the motel that Sheriff Ted Raimi tries to get Max and Laura to go to when he insists they cannot show up to the camp one night early. Grace is, of course, ecstatic about the weird name.)

Grace makes it clear that Anton isn’t accompanying her as he is having meatloaf at his mom’s. Grace also alludes to the fact that she mayyyyyy have some type of feelings for Anton, and she’s a bit hurt that she wasn’t invited to the meatloaf shebang (even though she’s a vegan vague-en). She promises to make up for his absence and pretends to speak as him, though a little more…flirty than usual.

We learn that Grace went to investigate on her own because, even though the whole “missing dead body” thing ended up being a hoax, there has to be more to the story because there’s no smoke without fire (or, as the episode title suggests, no hoax without fire). After all, there are still two missing hikers and a local legend of a ghost woman haunting the woods, soooooo…Grace cuts the recorder off during check-in so we don’t hear from whomever the Harbinger desk clerk is, and Grace makes the point that the room is shockingly normal (with the exception of the old-fashioned toilet with the chain handle).

Grace checks back in with us in the morning, where she says that even her night was completely uneventful. She even did Bloody Mary in the mirror and nothin’! She then asks “what is this motel even a harbinger of, sweet dreams?” *ba dum tssss* (we love Grace so much) Grace then complains about being hungry and rummages in her bag for some food–and I bet you’re wondering, “why are we bringing this up? This seems inconsequential to ghost-hunting” and you’d normally be right EXCEPT do you know what she pulls out of her bag here??

THAT’S RIGHT. A PEANUT BUTTER BUTTER POP.

(sidenote: does this mean the butter pops are more like granola bars or something? I was thinking cereal but Grace unwraps something and refers to that one butter pop as her whole breakfast. I mean, I’m all for starving artists and actually could totally believe that Grace would eat like, one Reese’s Puff and call it good, but I’m juuuuuust wondering…)

So again, just a little nod to “haha here’s this established joke of ours for this in-universe funny-sounding thing, ha ha ha”?

NOPE. IT GETS WEIRD.

While enjoying her breakfast of champions, Grace wonders what it is about them that makes them so addictive. Could it be the nutritious ingredients, mayhaps?

There is no ingredient list.

WHAT. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. THIS IS SUCH A WEIRD AND SPECIFIC DETAIL TO INCLUDE AND FOR WHY?? I WAS JOKING LAST TIME WHEN I WONDERED IF THE PEANUT BUTTER BUTTER POPS TURN YOU INTO A WEREWOLF BUT?? WHY ARE THERE NO INGREDIENTS LISTED. AAAAAAAAAAA.

As curious as Grace is, she shrugs off the “no ingredients list” weirdness and moves on, announcing what her goal is: investigating the sideshow fire from 6 years ago, which apparently happened on private land owned by the same family that owns the infamous Hackett’s Quarry Summer Camp. Grace notes that the desk clerk wouldn’t talk about the fire, and did point out that the camp is empty currently, but would soon be swarming with children (we saw in the prologue what happens when people visit the empty camp PLEASE DON’T GO THERE GRACE). She wonders why the fancy family who owns the land wants a bunch of screaming kids running around during the summer, ahem, “unless they’re sacrificing them to ghosts of those who died in the fire.” Ha. Ha ha. Ha.

Apparently Grace wanted to call the camp, but she doesn’t have service (of course) and apparently the desk clerk pretended the landline was down. Good. Good good. Determined to get answers, she sets out to the town to ask around about the fire. When we next hear from her, she’s ecstatic to report she was RIGHT and that the Hag of Hackett’s Quarry legend ties into the Harum Scarum Show fire. Apparently she tried talking to the older townspeople and they wouldn’t tell her anything, but the younger ones totally did. She cuts herself off though, saying she wants to save that story for the next episode with Anton because it’s so good. :’) Grace please I hope you make it back to Anton

Grace then makes the super smart decision to camp alone in the woods at night (well, outskirts of the woods). Things start off lighthearted enough–she’s clearly a little on edge, but she jokes about how even though it would suck to be killed by a bear, at least she could come back as a ghost and haunt Anton. After she hears some rustling outside, she decides to check it out, finding nothing but…a squirrel. (Though she does point out that it could be a ghost squirrel)

Actually making the smart decision for once, Grace decides she’s had enough, she’s scared, and she’s packing up to leave. We hear sounds of her presumably packing things up, followed by wolves howling, and then, of all things…the peanut butter butter pops theme song.

We have one more episode to go, and if I had to guess, I’d say we can probably expect it to come out on Thursday as a final hoorah before the game’s release on Friday. Look, I know it’s a podcast for a horror game, but I reeeeaaaaally want Grace to make it out okay :’) we can’t tell from the end of the episode if she actually makes it out of the woods and back to the motel okay, so…who knows. The final episode is titled “The Hag of Hackett’s Quarry” where I hope we’ll finally be able to learn about the full story of the Harum Scarum show and the fire that caused the ghost stories. And I hope we’ll learn that Grace is okay. Please. PLEASE.

ALSO CAN WE PLEASE LEARN THE SIGNIFICANCE OF PEANUT BUTTER BUTTER POPS. I WAS JOKING ABOUT THEM TURNING PEOPLE INTO WEREWOLVES, BUT NOW I’M NOT SURE. THE EPISODE LITERALLY ENDED WITH WOLVES HOWLING FADING INTO THE BUTTER POPS SONG. SEND HELP. I WAS JOKING.

We are days away my friends!! Before I close us out for now, I’m noting some potentially interesting timeline things we have learned up to this point (that I remember–there may be more??)

We know that Hackett’s Quarry Summer Camp was established in 1953, at least according to the camp sign we see in the preview. Assuming the game takes place in 2022, this means the camp has been running for 69 years now (obligatory “lol 69” comment here). Thanks to Grace’s comments and efforts from the newest podcast episode, we know that the sideshow fire was only 6 years ago, so again assuming the game takes place in 2022, the fire was in 2016 (I feel like America generally was on fire in 2016 so this fits). We also know that peanut butter butter pops were discontinued 15 years ago, so 2007. So if peanut butter butter pops are indeed tied to werewolves or the general story as a whole, there’s a nine year gap between them being discontinued and the sideshow fire (although as we know from Grace, people are still finding them to eat even years later).

What does ANY of this mean?? I dunno, fam. Hoping for more answers on Thursday if we get the new episode then, and then after that…IT’S GAME TIME.

I will admittedly only be playing during the morning or hours of excessive daylight because I absolutely have more of a scaredy-cat fascination with horror. Also–peanut butter butter pops merch when??

That’s all for now friends! Happy Quarry release week, and I may see you all on Thursday with a podcast update!

The Quarry: Updates #2!

HAPPY (belated) PODCAST EPISODE RELEASE DAY EVERYONE!!!

yayyyyyyyyyy

Not only do we finally have a new Bizarre Yet Bonafide to dig into, we also have some new social media posts as well (it’s finally Abigail’s turn!).

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

(If you haven’t been following along up to this point, here is the first post about The Quarry, and here is the second post with some of the updates.)

Click the image above to check out the Instagram!

INSTAGRAM

We have four new posts to dive into!

  1. The first is the traditional introductory short video for Abigail–as per usual, I can’t make out all of the quick moments it flashes to, but we do seem to have the usual “shot of the same character but now they’re covered in blood,” a sketch of what looks to be a woman with long hair, Abigail screaming, and a close-up of a padlock.
    1. Abigail is described as “the artist,” and it makes me wonder if we’ll have some nice sketchbook moments a la Life is Strange 2. Maybe? No? If nothing else, we may have some instances of Abigail taking on the role of “creepy child who draws creepy things in a horror setting” cliche–could the long-haired woman be the infamous “Hag of Hackett’s Quarry”? (Although, if the Hag is indeed Eliza, we never see her with her hair down…)
    2. What’s with the padlock? So far the only padlock we’ve seen has been in the prologue, but that was tied to Max and Laura, not Abigail…are there other creepy cellars around the camp full of creepy creatures? AND WHY DO WE INSIST ON HAVING A SUMMER CAMP HERE???
  2. The second post is the second introductory video that uses words to describe our counselor friend: Abigail’s are “the artist, shy, creative, quiet” and then the “negative” trait for her is “nervous” and we see two different shots, one of Abigail crawling through some presumably underground tunnel and then her running from…something while she screams. Lovely.
    1. These “negative” traits crack me up because like?? Um??? I, too, would absolutely be nervous in her position??? Excuse me?????
  3. The third post is our favorite podcast ad: the title of the new episode on an old-timey computer monitor with the “Rabbit Hole” post-it note in the corner.
    1. SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WITH THE WHOLE RABBIT HOLE THING
  4. The fourth post is a short lil clip (I’m assuming from the game) that shows Abigail in some sort of dark corridor with a large…vent? behind her. At the start, there is a silhouette of something on one side, but as the camera pans across Abigail’s face, the silhouette is then gone. We hear something whisper (likely) “Abby…” but there’s no one there when Abigail turns around. She faces forward again, and we see a different (?) silhouette cross in front of her.
    1. As of now, I’m going to theorize that the silhouette in the beginning and the whispering individual are the same, and they’re Eliza. The silhouette looks to be someone maybe wearing a dress, and we know how fond Eliza is of whispering ominously to people (see: her whispering “Silas” to Laura in the prologue. Seriously Eliza…why?). Because the silhouette disappears so quickly, it’s possible that it could be one of the monsters, but I don’t think it’s the same type as the one Laura sees in the cellar in the prologue (though those do move rather quickly)–that one just looked gangly with long, awkward limbs, and this silhouette looks decidedly more human. Maybe. Being able to disappear like that doesn’t necessarily put me off of it being Eliza, as she could be a ghost of some sort. After all, she was able to sneak up very suddenly on Laura, and her clips in the story highlights allude to her not being fully human. But, that’s just a guess!
    2. The second silhouette is a lot harder to make out–it definitely walks like a normal alive human, but it’s hard to tell who it could be. It’s also hard to tell if Abigail actually sees them or not–she’s not thrown off by their presence if she does see them, which makes me think it could be another counselor, but again, it’s kinda unclear.
    3. Where exactly is Abigail in this clip? As we can tell from the camp map, there isn’t really a location that could logically be an underground site (unless it’s the Tree Walk? WHAT IS A TREE WALK), which makes me think there’s either some spooky underground tunnel stuff going on under the camp, OR…that’s the infamous Hackett’s Quarry itself. Which we probably shouldn’t explore. But we’re going to anyway.
Click the image above to check out the TikTok page!

TIKTOK

Currently we have three new videos to discuss, all centered around our lovely new friend Abigail!

  1. The first is the same as the first introductory video for Abigail that’s on Instagram.
  2. The second video is the traditional point-of-view post for each counselor–for Abigail, it’s her showing off a bunch of photos she took! The first is the top part of a house at night (maybe the Lodge?), the second is a really spooky shot of the forest at night, the third is a shot of the super big full moon over the lake, and the last few come really quickly and cut in and out with shots of a ghostly silhouette. The text says that she saw a woman in the woods, but that woman doesn’t show up in any of the photos…
    1. couple things here FIRST OFF–what kinda awesome camera is Abigail using for these super clear night shots?? Amazing.
    2. Listen, I’m not saying the monster is werewolves…buuuuut they do keep highlighting a full moon on the night the counselors are stuck there. Sooooooooooo….werewolves.
      1. (this does however contradict a few things–if a full moon is to blame, why is it that the counselors cannot show up a night early or be there a night later? It’s not like the full moon just says peace out for a week so that kids can hang out at the summer camp, right? Why is there a monster that attacks Max and Laura when they show up early? Why is there such fear around being at the camp one night longer? Okay fine, maybe not werewolves…or maybe werewolves are just one of the things they have to worry about…)
    3. And now for probably the most important part of the video–the ghostly woman who Abigail saw, but doesn’t show up in the photographs. So I mean, she could be a vampire, or a ghost. Is it Eliza? Is it Anne Radcliffe the mysterious missing hiker?? Is it someone else entirely??? I mean, it could be a friend.
  3. The third video is the same as the clip of Abigail walking somewhere dark from Instagram.
    1. Watching it through this time though, it does look like Abigail is looking behind her the entire time the second silhouette is walking, and then the second silhouette stands in a corner frozen when Abigail turns back around. Um? Excuse me?? Why??? Abigail herself looks fairly beat-up in this clip, so I’m assuming this is late enough in the game that we know something supernatural is going on, and it’s not someone playing a joke on her. Hopefully. People in the comments are speculating that the second silhouette is Laura…maybe? It’s so hard to make out. It could be Emma, since it looks like they’re supposed to be best friends, but again…we just can’t tell.
    2. Also, it’s worth noting that the Supermassive Games account commented on this video saying “Not everything is as it seems…” so uh…thanks, guys. Now I’m questioning absolutely everything.

That’s it for social media updates for now–let’s dive into the podcast!!

Click the image above to check out the podcast!

Look, I think every episode of this show is good, but THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS SO GOOD.

We begin with Grace being unusually unenergetic and Anton in a seemingly great mood, and we soon find out why: remember the whole thing about “there was a dead body that these kids found but when the police went back to investigate it was missing and there’s no evidence of it being moved so wtf where did it go?” Yeah…turns out the whole thing was uh, fake. The kid made the whole thing up to scare his girlfriend (remember? His girlfriend who is attending the summer camp? Charming).

(It’s worth noting that Anton mentions here that he told Grace the whole thing could have been a case of “the boy who cried wolf,” and turns out, it was…and look I’m not saying the monster is werewolves but like……..we keep mentioning wolves here…………)

Grace uses this as a segue into her next theory, discussing ghost stories involving women scorned.

(Before diving into that, there’s a brief moment worth mentioning: the return of peanut butter butter pops! We learn a little more about this…cereal? as Anton makes fun of Grace for eating them because they were discontinued ages ago. Grace defends herself by saying she found them in the freezer when she moved in, and everyone knows stuff in the freezer doesn’t go bad. Anton is disgusted. So, again, it’s possible all this butter pop stuff could just be used to aid in world-building and to show us that the podcast and the game are all in the same universe, but…what if there’s more to it than that? If the butter pops were discontinued ages ago, why does Kaitlyn sing the theme song for them? Is it one of those urban legend type things? DO THE PEANUT BUTTER BUTTER POPS TURN YOU INTO A WEREWOLF??? Okay anyway…)

Grace discusses the various legends about the “White Lady” and how generally, they are all stories of a woman being wronged and then haunting a specific area, appearing as, you guessed it, a woman wearing white. Grace goes into two tales in particular: one of a woman whose husband locked her away when he went off to war because he didn’t trust her not to cheat on him while he was gone (charming) except he died in the war, and the woman wasted away. The story goes that she got so hungry she ended up trying to eat herself out of desperation, and when you come across her, you are hit with a strong sensation of hunger (this is where the “hangry” in the episode title comes in.)

The second story Grace tells is about a hitchhiker who drowns herself after her husband left her for another woman, so when you come across her, she is always dripping wet and bloated-looking. Fun!

There are so many different versions of the white lady story all across the globe, and different houses or locations each have their own specific white lady story. The first story Grace tells seems to be based on a German legend from the time of the Thirty Years’ War. Just as Grace describes, a nobleman locks his wife in the cellar of his manor so she couldn’t betray him, but he never returned, and she died, supposedly haunting the premises. Interestingly, that manor was recently renovated, and workers found no evidence of human remains in the cellar. Which just…it just makes me think of Grace’s whole “missing dead body” story–like I know that was debunked, but it’s just an interesting coincidence.

From what I can tell, there isn’t one specific white lady legend that Grace’s second story is based on. There are legends of white ladies who drowned themselves, but not for the reason Grace states. There are legends of white ladies who often appear as hitchhikers, and after being taken into the car, they cause it to crash somehow. There are countless legends of white ladies with traitorous husbands or lovers, and they often come back to haunt unfaithful men. The closest example I could find is actually a white lady legend from Dallas, Texas of all places. Described as “The Lady of White Rock Lake,” she often appears completely soaked in an evening dress from the 1930’s, where she asks anyone who pulls over to be taken home. She usually disappears during the car ride and leaves the backseat drenched–thanks. Reportedly, she was a drowning victim from a boating accident.

(So what could this all mean? It’s likely no coincidence that the clip of Abigail saying she took photographs of a woman who never showed up in the pictures was posted right around the time this episode came out. It’s also worth noting that Grace says these legends are often called “the lady in white” or “the hag of somewhere” when I could, in fact, not really find any legends that referred to these spirits as “hags” (could be on me though, I’m sure something exists!). We have, of course, heard of something very similar in the trailer where Ryan says “the hag of Hackett’s Quarry.” We assume this is, in fact, Eliza. So, is that what’s going on with her? Is Eliza a white lady spirit, haunting the woods? In order to qualify for that title, she had to be greatly wronged in life…so again, what exactly happened at the Harum Scarum show? Who or what wronged Eliza in life? Is she calling for Silas in the woods because he wronged her, or was that her son and the mysterious father figure did something unforgivable? Lots to think about!

ALSO ALSO–it’s worth noting (how many times can I say that) that multiple white lady legends involve them being especially active…*drum roll please*…during a full moon.

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

ALSO ALSO ALSO–since so many of the legends for white ladies involve them “testing” people on how good of a person they are and how well they treat the people in their lives, I’m sure that’ll play into the game somehow. The devs have talked about how you can really affect your relationships with other characters in this game, so it’ll probably behoove us to be friendly to all our counselor buddies…lest the white lady comes along and we fail her test)

Grace then goes onto confirm that she’s bringing up these legends because there have been sightings of a white lady (or “hag”) in none other than Hackett Woods!! Anton still doesn’t think the missing hikers have anything to do with this, to which Grace is like “awww man juuuuuust wait till you see what I have planned…” she hints that the next episode will be a little different, and she has plans for something a little more “hands-on” for next time…Anton asks her to please not do anything dangerous.

This is, however, the podcast for a horror game, so uh…

Basically, I’m thinking next episode could go a few different ways:

  1. Grace goes to Hackett Woods to investigate everything in person. She manages to drag Anton along with her, and the episode is recorded as the two of them trek through the woods investigating. It ends on a possible cliffhanger when they hear an ominous noise or something.
  2. Grace went to Hackett Woods alone, and Anton hasn’t heard from her since. The episode could be a mix of recordings Grace took while she was there that Anton got a hold of and his own reactions to it as he makes the trip to Hackett Woods himself to find her.
  3. Grace went to Hackett Woods alone, but made it back, and the episode is her desperately trying to convince Anton of all the weird stuff she saw. Anton still doesn’t believe it, but he’s never seen Grace like this, I mean she is visibly shaken and doesn’t seem to be messing with him…hmmm…therefore, the next and final episode is the two of them going back there together.

My biggest fear is that Grace and Anton will not live through the end of this podcast series…I KNOW IT’S A HORROR GAME LEAVE ME ALONE I WANT THEM TO BE OKAY.

The episode ends with the peanut butter butter pops jingle again, followed by the usual creepy voice that talks about The Quarry.

The next episode is titled “No Hoax Without Fire” and I just…I just want Grace and Anton to be okay :’)

As for when the final two episodes will be released? I have…no idea. I thought they were goin on an “every two weeks” thing, but the game comes out in three weeks, so unless the last episode is being released after the game, I’m hoping we’ll be getting the next two episodes sooner rather than later. Mostly because I’m super nervous for Grace. I’VE GOTTEN ATTACHED, OKAY?

That’s all we’ve got for now, folks! Now that all of the counselor videos are out, I’m not really sure what the social media plan is from here on in? They could do stuff for the adult characters, of course, but I don’t know how likely that is since they really want to keep them steeped in mystery. If anything, I feel like we’ll probably get more of Eliza, since she was sort of the poster child for those “impossible questions” things over on Instagram. Or we might just get more counselor content, which I wouldn’t be mad about!

#pleaseletGraceandAntonbeokaythx

See y’all in the next update post!

The Quarry: Updates!

As promised, “The Quarry” social media has been quite alive and kicking since my initial post theorizing about the game based off of everything released so far, and I am once again here to overanalyze and dive right in!

Also throwing in some stuff here that I missed the first time around because I don’t know how Instagram works. It’s fine.

This particular post will cover updates made on Instagram and TikTok–there is no new podcast episode sadly, BUT we do know that the next episode will release on May 19th and I am READY. I’ve missed Grace and Anton, I hope they’re doing well in their little spooky world ❤

Click the image above to check out the Instagram!

INSTAGRAM

Let’s begin by talking about what I missed last time–the little circles at the top of the profile page which I have been informed are “story highlights” I think?

Anyway, currently there are four circles: “DEATH,” “WTF,” “CRYPTIDS,” and “History.”

  1. DEATH–in a frame looking like a potential “Death” tarot card, we see Eliza! She welcomes us to “the show” saying that yes, it is exciting, and terrifying. There are some spooky cuts and sound editing. Eliza then says “this is what might come to pass. A possible future. A path yet unchosen.” At the same time, we see some sort of tarot card burning at the edges in front of us and the text “Make an impossible choice.” There are then some spooky questions for the viewer to answer:
    1. Are you afraid of dying? (the image we see is a tarot card–potentially the Death card)
    2. Death by immolation or drowning? (the image we see is a lovely charred corpse on one side and a peaceful-looking surface of water on the other side)
    3. Would you rather be lost in the woods or lost at sea? (on top, we see Laura from the prologue in the woods and on the bottom, we see who I assume to be Emma swimming in the lake)
    4. Do you believe in afterlife? (the image we see is a lovely group of clouds at sunset. Or sunrise.)
    5. Would you rather be buried or cremated? (on top, some guy throwing dirt into a grave in slow-motion and on the bottom, a casket in flames. Nice.)
    6. After that, it cuts back to Eliza, who says “Help me help you. And remember–what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.”
      1. FUN. CHARMING. HAPPY. DELIGHTFUL.
      2. It’s hard to tell how much of this is actually pointing at in-game knowledge, or just serves as a fun marketing scheme for their choice-based game. Both make sense, but if it is pointing at in-game stuff, that leads to more questions.
      3. Is there an in-game reasoning for why they chose the questions they did? If nothing else, it may just be reminding us that each character has like, 10-12 different possible death scenes. Yikes.
      4. Having Eliza say the phrase “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” is on the one hand, a fun nod to what we saw in the Prologue as Laura found that phrase on the bottom of the camp map. But on the other hand, it makes you wonder…how exactly is the summer camp connected to the Harum Scarum show? If that phrase is more of the camp’s tagline, why does Eliza know and use it here? Does that also point more to what the monsters could be in the game? Werewolves? Vampires?…Zombies? Could be anything where the lore involves some element of turning into the creature after a bite or a scratch that doesn’t kill the victim. Or something. And does any of this have to do with “Silas the Dog Boy” and his destroyed cage in the woods? HMMMMM…
  2. WTF–this one is all about our friendly neighborhood paranormal podcast, Bizarre Yet Bonafide. It mostly seems to be the preview posts we discussed last time, where the title cards for each episode are displayed on an old-timey computer monitor with the sticky note “Rabbit Hole” in the corner.
    1. Nothing new here, and it only has the posts for the first two episodes. But it still begs the question–why the use of the “Rabbit Hole” sticky note?? WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? Is there some Alice in Wonderland lore we’re gonna need to watch out for now????
  3. CRYPTIDS–Eliza’s back! This is another round of questions for the viewer, and this one starts with Eliza leaning back in a chair, a big crow friend perched by her shoulder (yay crow friend!!). She’s looking up, not at us, as she says “I was hoping you’d come back to me.” Once she does look at us, we get some spooky cuts before it fades to black and she gives us the same introduction of “this is what might come to pass…” so on and so forth. The questions this time around are:
    1. Have you ever experienced “a glitch in the matrix?” (the image for this one looks like it could be Laura’s eye looking in the cellar from the prologue, but it could be something we haven’t seen yet. Shots of eyes looking into small openings are classic horror fodder, after all. However, signs do point to it being Laura because we see the…thing she saw in the cellar, and the last clip is Laura walking away. Still though, who knows?)
    2. Do you think reality is simply a simulation? (The image here is a slow pan back and forth across three different computer monitors. Maybe security cameras? The first two seem to mostly be showing woodland with nothing of note there, but the third monitor has the rainbow screen of death…something interfered with the feed. GOOD. AWESOME. We then see our pal Dylan before it cuts to the next question)
    3. Have you seen or heard anything unexplainable in nature? (the image here is shirtless Jacob looking around the woods at night…is this right before he steps in that rope trap that pulls him up upside-down? Babes get OUT OF THERE what are you DOING)
    4. Ever felt unwelcome in nature or being “studied?” (the image here first is what might be a tree at night with a spider crawling along, and then it cuts to a worn sign that reads “WARNING QUARRY AREA KEEP OUT” so…naturally, they won’t be doing that)
    5. Which is more likely to actually exist: Aliens, visiting and walking among us, or cryptids (sasquatch, chupacabra, mothman)? (the image here is a drawing on the left of some guy with squid tentacles for a face (CTHULU????) and a hand below that covered in little suckers like an octopus, and on the right, a drawing of, presumably, our friend Bigfoot)
      1. Hoo boy there is a LOT to unpack here! For starters, it’s worth noting that this is the first time in game-specific advertising that cryptids have been mentioned. They dive into it a lot in the podcast, but the game hasn’t really gone there yet. Until now! This isn’t totally surprising, given the nature of Until Dawn and the confirmation that The Quarry is functioning as a spiritual successor, but it’s still fun knowledge to have.
      2. What is up with all the speak about life being a simulation and “glitches in the matrix?” Unless it’s a fun little conspiracy theory one of our counselor friends happens to have. But maybe it’s referencing what’s going on at the camp in general–is it some sort of experiment? Is that what happened to the Harum Scarum show, or are they in on it? Speaking of…
      3. Odd how the “cryptid” section spends a lot of time talking about reality being a simulation and being “studied” in nature. Tie that into the question about whether aliens living among us or cryptids are more likely, and it opens up this whole other branch about game story possibilities. Is the camp, and therefore the whole quarry area, some sort of alien experiment studying humans? Seeing the aliens could lead to rumors about cryptids, after all. It’s not my favorite theory, right now it kind of gives off “it was all a dream” vibes and I think the overall story would benefit from a neater twist than that. Still, I think there’s probably a way to pull it off.
      4. All of this also makes you wonder…why on EARTH are they still hosting a children’s summer camp every year in this area full of experimenting aliens and missing hikers and cryptids and whoever knows what else?? Clearly, some characters are aware of the dangers outside of the “safe” time when the camp actually happens (Chris is agitated and worried about the counselors staying an extra night in the trailer, and Sheriff Travis really tries his best (kinda) to make sure Max and Laura don’t arrive at the camp until they’re supposed to) so why the insistence on the camp happening in the first place? So far from what I gather there are no rumors about children attending the camp going missing, so they’re probably not being experimented on or whatever, so…why? What is so special about the summer camp, and why is it crucial to only be there during that exact timeframe and not a moment sooner or later?
      5. Does this have to do with what Grace was talking about in the podcast with the nix being more active on Thursdays
  4. History–I don’t know why the others are all capitalized and this one isn’t, but ANYWAY. Eliza’s here again! She seems more agitated and impatient in this one, for whatever that’s worth. She begins by saying “Two futures to see, but only one can be seen. Make your choice.” The questions for this section are as follows:
    1. Can you sleep with the closet door open? (the image for this one is the shot from the prologue where Travis stands in front of the open cellar door after chaos has ensued. I never noticed before the specific zoom in on the goosebumps on his neck…WHAT? WHY?? AAA????)
    2. Can a place have memories? (the image for this one is from the prologue as well–it’s when Laura is looking at the camp map)
    3. Does your hometown have a dark past? (the image for this one is a slow pan from the trees during the day over to a sign that reads “Hackett’s Quarry Summer Camp est. 1953”)
    4. Has anyone died where you live now? (the image for this one is Max and Laura looking around the creepy cellar. Before Max is attacked. Poor Max)
    5. Would u burn it all down if it set the “stuff” trapped free? (the image for this one is a little hard to make out–it looks like the silhouette of some fairy lights with sparks flying around, a few of the tarot cards from the game blowing by, also burning at the edges. Hmmmm…)
      1. I’m assuming the “history” title is referencing the history of the Hackett’s Quarry area, which is what I hope we’ll get into in the podcast soon! All of the questions here seem to be pointing to the conclusion that yes, something terrible happened at Hackett’s Quarry. I mean, duh, but it’s fascinating to think about–can a place have memories? How many spooky stories involve a house where someone (or many someones) was killed? So the basic conclusion we can come to is that something absolutely awful happened at the Harum Scarum show and whatever it was, it lives on to haunt the summer camp, or at least the area in general.
      2. Why the specificity of the fire question? It could just be an allusion to the ending of Until Dawn when the characters blow the house up in order to survive, but…what if that’s one of the things that happened to the Harum Scarum show? Maybe the shot of the burning tarot cards blowing in the wind is from a scene where the show burns to the ground one night. This could also be discussed in the podcast episode titled “No Hoax Without Fire.” We’ll have to wait and see!

Now that we’ve covered the story highlights, let’s talk about the new posts!

  1. Nick is here!! His first intro video has a couple fast shots that are hard to make out, but from what I can tell, there’s a brief glimpse of him covered in blood, a brief shot of…a wolf face lunging? A wild boar? I can’t tell fam. There’s also a shot of him holding up a gun, but I can’t make out the other cuts.
  2. There’s a short little video with one of the official gifs released that shows Ryan yelling “HEY”
  3. Nick’s second video introduces him as “the nerd, polite, quiet, handsome” and then there’s a shot of him yelling while being pounced on by…something as it flashes to “smart.” WHY IS SMART HIS NEGATIVE TRAIT?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, GUYS
  4. There’s another clip from the third podcast episode, where Anton talks about how monstrous humans can be. Great.
  5. There’s a post about Anne Radcliffe!! As you may recall, Anne is one of the missing hikers that Grace identified in the podcast. Grace presumes Anne is the body that got up and walked away. The post is a missing persons poster for Anne, and we get to see her face! The text describes that she was last seen on March 15th driving to Hackett’s Woods Hiking Trail in North Kill, NY. What this does tell us is we don’t actually know for sure if she ever made it to Hackett’s Woods…could be alien abduction apparently, or she’s a werewolf. I love that they’re doing posts about the podcast!!
  6. The newest post is actually Part 1 of showing what everyone answered to the story highlight questions. Although some of the questions are not in those highlights, so they may have been in the actual story? Again, I don’t know how Instagram works. Interestingly, they’re all relatively evenly split, except for the overwhelming majority of people who said they’d rather be lost in the woods than at sea. We’ve all seen Shark Week. We understand.
    1. The post starts with Eliza again, saying “there’s no shame in not wanting to glimpse into the futures that may come to be. All I’m trying to do is help. The last thing I want to do is take your choices from you, like mine were taken from me.” Wh–what? Eliza? You okay?? What choices were taken from you??
      1. maybe she’s just talking about her choices when it came to abortion were taken away haha thanks america
    2. One of the questions new to me is “Something’s coming. Who do you save?” and the choices are “my best friend” or “my partner/crush.” Most people chose the friend, but it’s not an overwhelming majority. The two people pictured are Nick and Emma…is this an Abigail question? Does she have to choose between them?? Ughhhhhhhhhhh
    3. Another new question is “do you feel like you truly know your friends and family?” Most people said yes, but again, not an overwhelming majority. What’s interesting to note is the picture they show here, a black and white framed photograph of two boys on the shores of the lake, smiling. Iiiiiiiinteresting…who are they? Did Chris, the head of the camp, have a brother at one point? We know Supermassive looooooves tragic stories about siblings (RIP Beth, Hanna, and Josh (#JOSHDESERVEDBETTER))…HMMMMMMMM
    4. Another new question is “do you trust your friends and family with your life?” and this was a bigger gap in answers, with 70% of people trusting their peeps. The image here is the counselors at their late-night bonfire party. Then there’s a brief cut to Ryan saying “wow…um…I guess ‘both’ is off the table?” which makes me think some of these questions may make an appearance in the game–maybe this is something the counselors talk about at the bonfire, and the player gets to answer these questions in the game as well. A fun idea, I like it! Also, I’m terrified at how choosing specific answers may affect my playthrough! I’m stressed out now!
    5. One important thing to note is that in this video, I was finally able to make out the burning tarot card that briefly passes by on all of these videos about impossible choices–The Tower. Props to Supermassive, here, because with this knowledge, I once again remain cautiously optimistic about how tarot will be used in the game. While Death is the card that most people glom on to as “THIS IS THE BAD CARD” it’s not necessarily the case–more often than not, the Death card could refer to new beginnings, the death of something that was holding you back, so on and so forth. It symbolizes an ending, but more importantly, it symbolizes a new beginning. The Tower is actually the card you really want to watch out for. While the meaning varies depending on everything from the placement of the card in the spread to the reader giving the reading and how they interpret the cards, it’s roughly true that the Tower is generally…not great. It can represent anything like sudden upheaval because of tragedy, chaos, destruction, sudden change that doesn’t feel good, so on and so forth (again, it depends on the context of the spread). Ultimately, this chaos and destruction could be beneficial, but usually this card points to, shall we say, the storm before the calm, and it probably isn’t going to be a fun ride. What does this mean for the game? NOTHING GOOD, PROBABLY.

That’s everything from Instagram for now!

Click the image above to check out the TikTok page!

TIKTOK

We have three new videos to look at!

  1. The first is the same as Instagram, the first intro video for Nick with flashes to him holding a gun and a wolf/wild boar?
  2. The second is from his point of view with a fun song playing and the text reading “SUMMER VIBES” and it’s all very harmless and happy, with lots of beautiful shots of him and Abigail exploring the camp near sunset. AWWWWW except then it cuts to him (and possibly Abigail?) yelling, a shot of him on the ground covered in blood, him being pounced on by something…YAY SUMMER VIBES AM I RIGHT
  3. The third is a clip of some of our counselor buddies talking and joking around: Dylan, Ryan, and Kaitlyn are talking about a podcast (I’m assuming it’s a podcast Ryan is listening to and I’m assuming….it’s Bizarre Yet Bonafide). Dylan asks what it’s about, asking if it’s about him 😉 and Ryan goes into panic mode like “YOU…THINK I’M LISTENING TO A PODCAST…ABOUT YOU” Kaitlyn says “okay if anyone here had a podcast about them, it’d be me.” Dylan then fires back “yeah, if there was a podcast about how to look and smell like a butt.” Offended, Kaitlyn says “oh my god, you are so childish!” to which Dylan replies “at least I don’t look and smell like a butt” and then a cheesy laugh track plays. Iconic dorks, first of all, but this post also tells us when the next Bizarre Yet Bonafide is coming out–May 19th!!

Those are all the updates we have for now! I will of course post another update when the new podcast episode is out, and we may have some other social media updates by then as well. We still need counselor videos about Abigail, but once those are out, I’m not sure what’s next on the plate…will we get similar videos for Chris and the other adult characters, or do they have something else up their sleeve since the other characters are not playable ones for us?

Also, fingers crossed we find out what happened to Anne Radcliffe. I’m sure she’s fine.

Right?

Cyrano (2021) REVIEW

Do you ever feel like someone looks into your brain, sees exactly what kind of media you’ve been craving lately, and then they rolled up their sleeves and said “I’ve got this?”

Because that is exactly how it felt watching the trailer for this film. It was like being swept away into a painting where everything is soft and blurred at the edges, lit by candlelight, and full of pretty dresses that go swoosh and sometimes I NEED that, ya know?

For anyone unaware, Cyrano is an adaptation of an 1897 play called Cyrano de Bergerac, which is an adaptation itself of a real-life Cyrano de Bergerac (broadly speaking). It is a tragedy, so just like…just so you’re aware. Like I 1000% knew going in that I would be sobbing and I was RIGHT. But I’m also not mad about it.

Another thing to note–Cyrano is an adaptation. It’s not going to be just a movie version of the play, in any number of ways (partially because this movie is also a musical, and the play…isn’t. Also the entire play is in rhyming verse and the movie…isn’t) but perhaps the biggest difference being the interpretation of the main character. In the original play, Cyrano de Bergerac is portrayed as a man with an insanely large nose, for which he is made fun of constantly. In this version, Cyrano is portrayed by the wonderful and delightful Peter Dinklage, so the character has dwarfism rather than a large nose. I’ve read a couple reviews complaining about this and like…y’all can complain about whatever you want but like…I’ll get into it more later.

ANYWAY. It’s a movie musical adaptation of a play from the late 1800’s, Peter Dinklage has my whole entire heart, and yes I cried a lot and I’m not mad about it.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

SPOILER WARNING NOW IN EFFECT. FOR A 100+ YEAR-OLD STORY. JUST SAYING.

THE STORY

We begin in France in the year 1640, where we are first introduced to the lovely Roxanne (Haley Bennett). She is in the middle of getting ready to go to the theater that night, bickering with her (maid? Friend?) Marie (Monica Dolan) as she does so. Through this sequence, we learn that Roxanne is an orphan with like, zero money to her name, she’s months behind on rent, and she really should consider an advantageous marriage so she can keep living like she’s used to. Marie is insistent that Roxanne accept the flirtations of the duke, de Guiche (Ben Mendelsohn), because like, money, but Roxanne does not love him, and that’s what she craves. Roxanne is an incredible romantic, convinced that love will feel like a sudden lightning strike of passion, and that she will not feel like an object, like she does with de Guiche. However, she does agree to accompany him to the theater, because as she explains to Marie, they cannot afford the tickets without him and she does so love the theater.

During a song sequence on the way to the theater, we are then introduced to Christian (Kelvin Harrison Jr.). Christian is a new recruit, quite poor himself, and wandering around the city, when he spies a reflection of Roxanne and follows her carriage to the theater, where it seems he uses the last of his own money just to get inside to see her. The theater is chaos, but time seems to stop when the two of them finally lock eyes. A thief stealing from Christian finally cuts the tension and Christian scampers off after them, but it’s clear the moment had a great impact on both of them.

The play begins, and it seems that there is a divide between the upper crust and the lower class on just how good (or not) the actor, Montfleury, (Mark Benton) seems to be. Then, we hear a voice from the back, and we are finally introduced to the story’s namesake, none other than Cyrano de Bergerac (Peter Dinklage) himself. As Cyrano engages Montfleury in a battle of wits of sort, ultimately winning as Montfleury flees, he has his own eye contact moment with Roxanne–the two grin at each other, but do nothing to publicly acknowledge the other beyond that, up until de Guiche’s buddy Valvert (Joshua James) loudly insults Cyrano on the spot. Valvert challenges Cyrano to a duel, a decision he will absolutely regret.

Not only is Cyrano charming, witty, and poetic, he’s an incredible swordsman–Valvert didn’t stand a chance. Cyrano wins, disarming Valvert and turning away, but Valvert is furious at being publicly embarrassed like that and attempts to stab Cyrano with his back turned. Roxanne shrieks out Cyrano’s name in warning, alerting him, and Cyrano turns, stabbing Valvert instead. Cyrano carefully lays him down in front of a shocked crowd.

Back in the carriage, de Guiche is furious with Cyrano for behaving as such and dealing with Valvert in such a way. Roxanne tries to insist that Valvert was the one who initiated the duel to begin with, and she assures him that Cyrano took no pleasure in the act. Disgusted, de Guiche asks if Roxanne actually knows Cyrano, to which she replies that he is her oldest friend. Claiming it’s for her own good, de Guiche insists that Roxanne end the friendship.

Later, Cyrano is out drinking with his friend in the regiment, Le Bret (Bashir Salahuddin), where he tells the story of his friendship with Roxanne and he admits that he is deeply in love with her. Le Bret says that he should tell Roxanne how he feels, but Cyrano refuses, insisting that someone like her could never love someone like him, and he is destined to forever love her from afar. Marie then interrupts the men, asking Cyrano if he can select a private location to meet with Roxanne the following day. Tentative to hope but unable to think of any other reason for such a sudden request of privacy, Cyrano and Le Bret wonder if Roxanne indeed loves Cyrano in return.

On his way home, Cyrano is jumped in an alley by 10 men, and though they appear to almost get the better of him, Cyrano emerges victorious–but not before noting de Guiche slinking away in the background. I’m sure that won’t come back to bite him at any point later in the story.

The next morning, Cyrano meets with his baker friend, Ragueneau (Peter Wight), to set up a private room for his meeting with Roxanne. During the search for the perfect room, Cyrano helps Ragueneau with a love poem for his wife, telling him to use metaphors that matter to him and capture something he knows well, such as baking. With the private room settled, Cyrano writes a love letter to Roxanne, but before he can sign it, she appears with Marie. Ragueneau gets to work on food to distract Marie while Cyrano and Roxanne talk. Noticing his injuries from the previous night, Roxanne tends to a particular wound on his hand while she says she has a confession for him. In a rather cruelly-written sequence, Roxanne admits she is in love with someone, a soldier, and she feels as if she’s known him forever but she didn’t realize until the previous night at the theater–all of which just serves to get Cyrano’s hopes up, and before she’s even finished, he says he has a confession to make also. But then, reality comes crashing in when Roxanne says she’s never even spoken to this man but he is FINEEEEE and she loves him.

At this point Cyrano realizes “oh cool so she’s not talking about me after all ha ha that’s awesome that’s great I love that” so he’s a lil bit in shock, kinda looks like he was just smacked with a frying pan, and Roxanne then tells him that her love’s name is Christian, and he’s a new recruit in Cyrano’s regiment (because of course he is). Distraught but ever in love with his friend and wishing only for her happiness, Cyrano agrees to talk with Christian of Roxanne’s feelings and her wish for him to write to her.

This is fine.

The following day at the garrison, de Guiche makes an appearance, offering a position to Cyrano (not out of friendship, mind you, definitely just as a way to keep his enemies close, per se). Cyrano, shockingly, rejects the offer against La Bret’s points about how the position would be well-paid and probably worth his time.

Christian then arrives and is promptly thrown into some sort of hazing fight (as is what happens with new recruits). Still having no idea what Christian even looks like, Cyrano interrupts the fighting, claiming that he will be Christian’s next challenger. Emboldened by victory, Christian makes a few snide comments about Cyrano’s stature, which is just…less than ideal. But Cyrano’s heard it all before, and remains unphased…until he learns Christian’s name. Unable to fight him like he really wants to, probably, Cyrano instead embraces Christian, telling him only that he is “her brother.” Confused, Christian follows Cyrano and asks…”whose brother?” Cyrano explains he’s not actually Roxanne’s brother, they are merely the best of friends, akin to siblings! Hahaha this is FINE.

Christian explains that although he’s thrilled that Roxanne loves him in return, he is in fact doomed, because someone like Roxanne wants wit and poetry and Christian just…cannot do that. The two of them then hatch a plan–Cyrano will write letters for Christian to sign. Cyrano will make Christian poetic, and in turn, Christian will make Cyrano “handsome.”

This charade works well at first, with letters being exchanged and love being had, (except for Cyrano, I guess…) up until Christian meets with Roxanne in person and is unable to speak to her like “he” does in “his” letters. Roxanne is furious, because she needs more than just the simple “I love you” and he’s said it in a million different ways before, why is he suddenly now reduced to calling her a “flower?”

Meanwhile, Roxanne has been doing her best to fend off the icky affections from de Guiche without outright insulting him, and it’s actually working if only because Roxanne is actually like, really clever and good with words? De Guiche is insistent that Cyrano’s guard regiment join him at the front as he’s been called off to fight, and Roxanne, fearing for Christian, persuades de Guiche that the ultimate insult would actually be to leave his regiment behind so that de Guiche and others can attain glory in war while Cyrano is stuck at home. She then manages to convince him that she would love him so much more if he was a decorated war hero, and de Guiche is completely on board with this and decides to head out, leaving Cyrano and Christian behind.

In an attempt to fix the situation between Christian and Roxanne, Christian stands in the shadows beneath Roxanne’s balcony and Cyrano feeds him words to say, eventually taking over entirely and speaking (and singing) plainly to Roxanne of his love. Having fixed the relationship, Cyrano wins a kiss for Christian from Roxanne, which is just…sO GREAT. As Cyrano goes to leave, however, he runs into a priest with an urgent letter for Roxanne. Upon reading it when Cyrano delivers it to her, Roxanne cries–de Guiche is on his way back right then, insistent that she finally come through on her “promises” to him. The priest is there to marry the two of them that night, but if she sends the priest away, de Guiche notes, he will simply be with her without the constraints of marriage; either way, de Guiche will have her that night.

We get another cool glimpse at Roxanne’s cleverness, however, as she wipes her tears away and pretends the letter is written permission and encouragement from de Guiche to be married to Christian, hence, the priest. She hands the letter to Cyrano, however, so he is aware of the true contents. Roxanne insists that Cyrano delay de Guiche–and he heads out to do just that. By the time de Guiche arrives, it is too late; Christian and Roxanne have been married. Furious at being denied what he wants, he decides right then that actually, he will be taking Cyrano’s regiment off to war. That very night. Say goodbye to your new husband, I guess.

Desperate, Roxanne begs Cyrano to look after Christian for her, to keep him fed, and warm, and Cyrano tells her with a broken heart that he cannot promise anything–until she asks that he promise that Christian will write to her. Cyrano nods. That he can promise.

AND NOW WE’RE AT WARRRRRR and, specifically, the Siege of Arras during the Thirty Years’ War. Conditions are…less than ideal. And by that I mean, absolutely awful. Cyrano’s regiment is stuck holding one position and starving in the process. Cyrano himself, meanwhile, sneaks behind enemy lines every day so he can send a letter to Roxanne–Christian himself doesn’t even know how often “he’s” been writing. La Bret then informs Cyrano that their orders have changed–basically, de Guiche had to choose a group of men to send on a suicide mission per the king’s orders, and he has chosen Cyrano’s regiment (in the film, it’s unclear if this is truly a decision made out of malice, as de Guiche looks torn and outright says he takes no pleasure in this (although, those were the exact words Roxanne used when she talked about Cyrano dueling Vavert earlier, so…idk)). Cyrano assumes it is a decision directed at him, since de Guiche isn’t exactly his biggest fan.

The soldiers are well-aware what their new orders mean, and they take the short amount of time they have left to write final letters to their loved ones in one of the most GUT-WRENCHING SONGS IN THE WHOLE THING THANKS FOR THAT. It’s at this point that Christian finally figures out the truth–Cyrano himself loves Roxanne. He insists that Cyrano tell Roxanne the truth, because the decision should be up to her, and her alone.

But Cyrano is so buried in his self-made truth that no one could ever love him–why would he change his mind now? Christian, upset with Cyrano and himself, insists that though he does love Roxanne, he would rather be loved for who he is, not who Cyrano is. Frustrated and likely delirious with exhaustion and hunger, Christian runs out into the battlefield and promptly gets shot down. Cyrano drags him back to the camp, where Christian once again implores Cyrano to tell Roxanne the truth–for what she loves is Christian’s soul, and he explains that Cyrano is his soul. Cyrano, meanwhile, shakes his head, insisting that Christian will not die, he cannot die…but he does. Sobbing, Cyrano leaves his friend’s body and joins the regiment marching off, and we’re forced to watch the soldiers get taken out one by one.

Three years later, we catch up at a convent, where Roxanne now spends her days. The sisters talk about Cyrano, who frequently visits, but refuses to eat or take any steps to care for himself. Sure enough, Cyrano is ill and ever dealing with wounds that did not heal properly from the war. He is still writing to Roxanne, though still not signing the letters himself, unable to fulfill Christian’s dying wish to tell Roxanne the truth. On his way to the convent that day, he collapses, making him later than he usually is.

Roxanne insists that he will be there, because he’s always there. Sure enough, Cyrano does make an appearance, and the two old friends sit to talk (though Cyrano fails to mention that he fears he is dying haha oops). Finally, Cyrano requests that he be allowed to read Christian’s last letter, which Roxanne keeps with her at all times. She obliges, and notices as he reads it that he’s not actually reading it, he’s remembering. It’s been him all this time.

NO. REALLY.

Cyrano denies it, however, no matter how much Roxanne insists that she knows it to be him. It’s at this point that Cyrano collapses, his wounds finally catching up with him. Roxanne says over and over that she loves him, she will not lose him a second time, it’s not going to happen. Cyrano, of course, is like “wait I’m confused the person you love is dead” and she’s just…you’re so stupid oh my WORD.

The two sing a heart wrenching little duet, share a kiss, and she says again that she loves him. HIM. Not Christian, not his words, but just Cyrano, as he is. In a moment we will absolutely discuss momentarily, Cyrano dies by saying that he loved…his pride.

The film ends on a shot of Roxanne crying over Cyrano’s body, the whole convent washed in a golden-white light.

WHAT A HAPPY TIME AM I RIGHT HOW ARE WE DOING

THE VISUALS

THIS MOVIE. IS SO PRETTY.

You can tell it’s the Joe Wright team when basically every shot looks like it could be a painting, and it’s absolutely my aesthetic. I’m on board.

It’s so hard to narrow down but notable visual moments that smacked me in the face include:

  1. The eye-contact moment between Christian and Roxanne at the theater. Stop. Stop that. How did they capture the entire idea of love at first sight. How. No. Not okay. Thank you.
  2. Honestly the entire opening where Roxanne is singing on the way to the theater and people are dancing and you can see it in the reflection??? I don’t know what’s up with cinnamontography and filming dances in reflections of windows but like…I’m not complaining.
  3. I’m gonna try not to list every dance sequence but um–the bakery??? Like…you know that pottery scene in Ghost? It’s like they looked at that scene and said “what if we made that a whole choreographed number?” Like…that mixed with Peter Dinklage singing? I’m not okay.
  4. Probably entirely due to Peter Dinklage’s acting–the scene where Roxanne and Cyrano meet in private and the moment he realizes she’s not talking about him? She’s not in love with him after all? You see that exact moment in his face and it’s heartbreaking and I still haven’t recovered from it.
  5. The transition from sword-fighting to dancing during Christian’s reprise of “Someone to Say” is iconic and fits so well with Christian’s character and what he’s singing about and…I will never be over it.
  6. We HAVE to talk about “Every Letter” because…WOW. I thought people were joking on tumblr when they said Roxanne had sex with a letter but um…idk man they weren’t joking though. Also the occasional shift to show all three of them singing? AAAAAAAAAAH
  7. Roxanne’s meeting with Christian that transitions into “I Need More?” it’s one of those sequences that makes me want to put on a floofy dress and walk the streets around me belting about romantic poetry. What a POWER ballad.
  8. The whole last sequence in the convent is so incredibly soft–there’s never a moment where I would describe the lighting or visuals as sharp, but there’s something about the warm, muted tones in the convent that just paint everything in such a peaceful light. It almost gives the whole scene an otherworldly air–like maybe Cyrano had died on the way to the convent and this scene is his heaven. I mean, Roxanne there, confessing her love to him? WOW NOW I’M SAD AGAIN

“Wherever I Fall” gets an honorary mention specifically for the way they made a point of showing us the three soldiers who sang getting shot down. I hate it but I appreciate it, if that makes sense.

Basically, personally, this movie is visually my aesthetic and I can’t really think of a moment where I didn’t appreciate what was being shown to me (visually. I don’t appreciate being shown Christian and Cyrano dying).

THE CHARACTERS

Y’all I say this with all of the love I have in my heart, I really do, but…all of these characters are so, so stupid.

But it’s not entirely their fault! It is absolutely a mix of who they are combined with the society and world they live and grew up in. What do I mean?

While there are other characters we can discuss and crucial side-characters who add to the world and the story, this is really a love story about three (dumb) people: Roxanne, Christian, and Cyrano.

Let’s start with Roxanne: on the surface, she seems to be the typical ingenue pretty girl who has such a ~difficult~ life because she wants romance, not money! And, to some degree, she is exactly that. Yes, she is very beautiful, yes, she does crave romance, and yes, she believes that romance is not inherently tied to money (possibly because her only example thereof is de Guiche, who isn’t exactly winning in the “charm” department.) We get some lovely hints, however, that there is so much more to her than that–particularly during the scene where she convinces de Guiche to go off to war without Cyrano’s regiment, and during the scene where she tricks her way into marrying Christian instead of de Guiche. In these scenes, we get a glimpse of just how cunning Roxanne is. She knows exactly how to use what men see when they look at her to her advantage–they see a pretty face, so they don’t expect a clever mind or a sharp tongue. She uses a mix of de Guiche’s desire for her as well as his personal grudge against Cyrano to keep both her dear friend and her love safe at home (at least, at first). Later, she uses the rules of the society she is trapped in to her advantage by getting married herself before de Guiche can have her (this, of course, ultimately backfires, but I digress).

And yet…she’s so dumb, bless her. The crucial part of the plot that revolves around and depends on Roxanne has to do with her views on love. We don’t know where she gets these ideas–could be books, the theater she is so enamored with, maybe she was inspired by her own parents before their untimely demise…we don’t know. Whatever the cause, Roxanne is convinced that romantic love can only be a “love at first sight” situation and it’ll feel like a tidal wave of emotion. She dearly loves Cyrano, of course, but she believes it is only as a friend because the only kind of romantic love she can think of would be exactly what she experiences with Christian when they see each other in the theater for the first time. It’s why it takes her till the very end of the show to realize how she feels and has felt about Cyrano for a long time–it just truly never occurred to her before that that she and Cyrano could love each other that way. Does it sound silly from a modern standpoint? Kinda! But in the context of her world, it makes sense. Also consider the number of modern stories that still involve love at first sight–it’s a lasting trope for a reason.

Does it make her stupid still? Yes. Absolutely. I love her, but wow.

Now let’s talk about Christian. On the surface, Christian is your typical hero character/male love interest–he’s lovely, he’s determined, he’s talented, and just generally a very decent person. And he is certainly all those things! He also falls in love at first sight with an “out-of-his-league” girl.

Is he also dumb??? Yes, bless him. The crucial part of the plot that revolves around him is the fact that because he’s so pretty, he “can approach Roxanne publicly and it’ll be acceptable” or whatever. However, he does not know how to woo to save his life–he can perform the usual accolades of “I love you” and “you’re like a flower” but, as Roxanne makes a point to sing out in the streets, the woman of his affections needs more than that! Hence, teaming up with Cyrano.

What I love about Christian’s arc as it relates to the world the character lives in is that it is stated so plainly in his song “Someone to Say (Reprise).” Christian flat-out says that he was raised by a soldier father, and it was that upbringing that shaped him into someone lovely and talented with a sword, but completely unable to charm with beautiful words. He straight-up was not allowed to nurse the side of him that so desperately wants to be free and tell Roxanne exactly how she makes him feel. He was told “you are a man. You will learn how to fight and you will learn how to kill.” He was not allowed to be soft even though he really wants to be.

But like…should he have been able to see that the reason Cyrano was so good at writing love letters is because…he was in love himself? Probably. Yes. But he’s dumb. We love him though.

Finally, let’s discuss the title man himself, the lovely Cyrano. On the surface, Cyrano is quirky, incredibly clever, incredibly talented as a soldier, completely fearless, and amazingly charming and romantic…on the surface above that, however, Cyrano just looks different. And he is made to be so incredibly aware of that every moment of every day. Keep in mind that this was the era of Louis XIV–physical appearance was so incredibly crucial to the upper crust of the time, and Cyrano was a direct contradiction for them. So Cyrano worked extra hard to develop a personality that could fight back against the sneers and the looks–in the play he refers to it as “panache,” a term that was coined thanks to the play. It’s a reference to something that was also considered incredibly beautiful among the French elites, “esprit,” or basically, a sharp wit. Cyrano has this in spades, and it’s just as much a weapon as his sword is.

Unfortunately, he has been led to believe that that simply isn’t enough–if he isn’t both physically beautiful (for the time’s standards) and clever, what’s the point? He has been so hurt and tortured in this fashion by society that even when the woman he loves is telling him directly to his face that she loves him exactly as he is for who he is, he will not let himself believe it. He will let himself love Roxanne for more than just her looks, but he won’t let her do the same for him.

HE’S SO DUMB BLESS HIM.

It’s why his last words are that he loved his pride. Roxanne is literally sobbing over him, kissing him, telling him over and over that she loves him, and he cannot believe it. The self-loathing is extra strong there. After all, he let himself hope early on in the story that Roxanne loved him, and it turned out to not be the case because of course she would love the handsome new recruit and not him. Of course. Why did he let himself ever think otherwise?

This same societal expectation that restricts the characters also affects de Guiche–Comte de Guiche historically was considered the most beautiful man of the time. He was the peak example of what all men should strive for. It’s why Cyrano’s popularity irks de Guiche, I mean…look at him, right? The point of de Guiche’s song is basically him saying “I am the best therefore I deserve the best.”

*insert Gaston reference here*

Does that also make him incredibly dumb?? YOU BET.

That’s what makes the tragedy–the nature of the characters against the world they live in. It’s tragic how the society of the time was so rigged against who each of these characters are as an individual in such a specific way that there was no other way for their stories to end.

THE MUSIC

I’ve already fangirled about it a fair amount BUT LET’S GO EVEN DEEPER SHALL WE.

So for those of you unaware (as I was)–this film is an adaptation of an off-Broadway musical of the same name and also starring Peter Dinklage and Haley Bennett (and again, to review–the musical itself is an adaptation of the original play, which is an adaptation of a real guy’s life. Clear as mud? Great). I’m not sure if any of the songs from the original musical were cut, as is often the case when a musical gets turned into a movie (I will never forgive In The Heights for cutting “Sunrise” and yes that is a hill I will die on thank you for coming to my TedTalk), but rest assured that the songs we do have are incredible.

(ALSO–IS THAT A ROMANTIC LEAD I SPY WHO IS NOT A TENOR??? UGH WE LOVE TO SEE IT)

From gorgeously flowing love songs like “Someone to Say,” (and its reprise) “Madly,” “Your Name,” and “Overcome” to impressive power ballads like “I Need More” and “What I Deserve,” every song feels crucial to the storytelling. The playful self-deprecation of “When I Was Born” does so much to introduce the audience fully to Cyrano’s character. The sensual lyrics and instrumentation of “Every Letter” feels like we’re privy to something incredibly private and almost forbidden. The militaristic drumming all the way through “Wherever I Fall” feels wrong when combined with the softness of the lyrics that each soldier sings, and it’s perfect for emphasizing how awful the war is in comparison to the love story we’ve watched up to that point.

I also appreciate that it never tried to be anything more than it was when it came to the songs; it’s a movie musical, and it acts like one. Sometimes that little wink and nod at the audience when a song starts like “haha we know this is unrealistic but stay with us–we’re aware people don’t usually just burst into song!!” is fun, especially when used well, but it would have felt so out of place here. The film knows its audience, and knows exactly what we’re here for. It never tries to play to all sides and is completely unapologetic about the group dance numbers or the characters singing in the streets and I love it for that. It’s not for everyone, but the film knows that, and doesn’t make any great effort to ease you into the whimsy ahead–we start with a shot purely made up of yards and yards of ribbon hanging from the ceiling, complete with childish-looking puppets and other elements of childhood playfulness. Combined with the lovely instrumentation of the “Intro” and “Opening” songs, when Roxanne sees that first couple dancing in the street and she starts singing, it’s like…of course this is happening. It would be weirder for these characters to have a completely uneventful ride to the theater.

Also…the lyrics??? I…you ever hear the lyrics of a song and feel like you’ve been absolutely put in a chokehold by them but like…in a good way?

For example, in songs from Cyrano we have such bangers as:

“These words are the truth, just let them sink in, through your thin-fingered gloves, to your hand, to your skin”

“Talk of the blank space behind the sun where you told me you’d meet me when everyone is gone”

“The way I feel is like falling stars diving into cold ocean waves”

“I’m living proof that God has a sick sense of humor”

And of course, of course, my absolute favorite lyrics in the whole movie are in the soldiers’ songs, “Wherever I Fall” part 1 and 2.

I mean…

“I promised I’d be home alright, but I gotta lay this body down. So take this letter to my wife, and tell her that I loved my life.”

“But I can see her in every detail now turning in my mind. I barely knew that girl at all, but I will love her till the end of time.”

“He wasn’t one of God’s best men, but I loved him anyway…I went in first, I rang the bell, I called his name out loud and I gave ’em hell.”

“Tell ’em not to cry at all, heaven is wherever I fall.”

Like?? Really??? UGH. I LOVE IT. Listening to the soundtrack even before seeing the movie I knew that this song would kill me and it DID. But I’m not mad about it. It also feels…incredibly poignant at this time. Like, not to be all dramatic and anti-war on main or anything but like, hearing this song, hearing these lyrics, watching that sequence in the film…how could anyone do that and think “ah yes, sometimes blowing humans up is justified.”

“But it’s a scene in a movie musical” yes that’s the POINT. Art and storytelling and the empathy those things teach us is what makes us human, and this moment in the film shows how war can rip those things away from us so we’re left with shattered pieces of ourselves that we may never be able to put back together again, and it never affects only us. This song is a bunch of soldiers from different walks of life knowing they are heading towards their death and their last wish is for their loved ones to know that they thought of them when they fell, so please don’t cry. How many soldiers in Ukraine do we think went through the exact same thing? Vietnam? Japan? Cuba? The list, unfortunately, goes on and on.

THE ADAPTATION

I have to touch on this briefly(ish) because I have Strong Feelings.

In the year of our lord 2022 we should all be used to and aware of the fact that adaptations? They’re gonna keep happening. They are here to stay. They kind of, have been here to stay for a while now. I mean, isn’t there that whole argument that there are only like, I dunno, 10 different unique storylines and every story out there is just an adaptation of one of those and nothing is unique or whatever?

I think that’s why it’s always baffling to me when people complain about specific details being changed in one adaptation or the next–isn’t that like, the very definition of the word? It’s not going to be the exact same as the original thing? And sure, there are plenty of adaptations/remakes I can think of where I personally didn’t like or agree with a change, but I always at least sort of try to approach it from a standpoint of “just because this doesn’t agree with me personally, doesn’t mean it’s inherently bad or not worth anyone’s time.”

(also please note how difficult it is for me right now to not take a jab at Alita: Battle Angel and Joker)

When an adaptation changes something or updates an element of the original story to better fit the time it is being released in, that does not necessarily make it a bad adaptation. In fact, I would argue that when something like that is done well, it’s incredibly beneficial to the original story and brings it around and makes it relatable and endearing to a whole new audience who may never have even looked at it before. This can range from setting the story in a more modern setting, like turning Emma into Clueless or Pride and Prejudice into The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, to changing key characteristics of lead characters, like the Duke and Kate Sharma in Bridgerton to, yes, casting Peter Dinklage as Cyrano de Bergerac. Such updates, though still not necessarily perfect or without fault, can relay the themes of the original story in a new way to a new audience, keeping the heart of it alive and reminding us about the universality of it.

In the original story, Cyrano has a large nose and that is his hang-up. Do we still today make fun of people with big noses? Yes. We are obsessed with what we consider physical beauty to a fault. However, we also live in an age where men are able and allowed to look more different than women–they still have beauty standards, of course, but representation in media for them has a much greater range than it does for women. Is this changing? Of course it is. To the point where making Cyrano simply have a large nose in this adaptation wouldn’t be that powerful–we as a society are changing to where a physical “problem” like that wouldn’t necessarily explain Cyrano’s self-hate or the way he is snubbed by society. In the time the story was originally set? Absolutely it makes sense because physical beauty standards were so incredibly specific. But it doesn’t translate as well to a modern audience.

But casting Peter Dinklage?

Dwarfism is something we don’t see much representation of in media, outside of characters who are literally dwarves or funny side characters. It’s just “the way things are.” So to give this romantic lead role that features incredible love ballads, sharp-witted arguments, amazingly choreographed fight scenes, and soft romantic moments to Peter Dinklage? It’s perfect.

It’s a commentary on society all on its own, and it works wonderfully well. It forces the audience to overcome any sort of deep-seeded prejudice they may have, even unaware, and say “why do I feel that way? This human is just as talented, sweet, and powerful as the other love interest–why should he be treated as any less?”

And yeah, of course this means that any sort of iconic and clever prose from the original play about Cyrano’s nose is going to be missing or altered, and yeah, of course that’s a little sad because the writing is wonderful.

But can we all agree that maybe, just maybe, that’s not the point?

It’s okay if this film isn’t for you and it’s okay if you’re disappointed it’s not a direct line-for-line remake or adaptation of the original play. But if your main hang-up is that they cast Peter Dinklage instead of slapping a fake nose on Chris Pratt, maybe take a second to back up and wonder why that rubs you the wrong way.

And if you don’t wanna consider that, then make your own movie.

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO SEE THIS MOVIE?

YES. If movie musicals are your jam, if period pieces are your jam, if the entirety of 2005’s Kiera Knightley Pride and Prejudice is your aesthetic exactly, SEE THIS MOVIE. It’s not for everyone, of course (is anything?), because as we’ve already discussed, this was tailor-made for me, thank you. But I’ll share it with you all.

It knows exactly what it is and who the audience is and it exists as this gorgeous, tragic, meaningful movie musical unapologetically and I adore it for that.

All in all, I give Cyrano

5/5 LOVE LETTERS!!!

(it was almost swords as a nod to the absolutely beautiful fight choreography because ohhhhhmY but…I mean it’s Cyrano de Bergerac I have to do love letters)

TRAILERS TO WATCH OUT FOR:

Lightyear I am…tentatively optimistic about. I think it’s disappointing that they’re beating the dead horse so much when it comes to the Toy Story franchise like…there are…maybe other stories to tell…but it doesn’t necessarily look bad or anything. Yet.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent…I mean…what do you even say about this? They took the Nicolas Cage memes and made them a movie? It could be really fun and classic and it could also be super weird and questionable and somehow I feel like it’s going to be a weird combination of all of the above. Did anyone even ask for this? Why are we here.

The Bob’s Burgers Movie is gonna be like the Downton Abbey movie–like it has its audience and it knows it. I’m not necessarily that audience but I hope people enjoy it.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is so…I’m torn. On the one hand, I wasn’t terribly enchanted by the first Fantastic Beasts film and I’m not necessarily excited about more of them, but on the other hand…Mads Mikkelsen. Jude Law. I’m not immune to them. I don’t pretend to be.

The Bad Guys looks surprisingly charming and maybe really good?–I love the idea and think there’s a lot of potential there for something really funny and special. I hope it follows through and the trailer isn’t misleading in that aspect.

Everything Everywhere All At Once looks PHENOMENAL like I have no idea what’s happening or why there are so many googly eyes but–I wanna know!! I would like to find out!! This movie looks like it’ll mess with my mind and I am ready for it!!!