The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part Review

PlayerOneLeave a comment
GET IT BECAUSE THEY PARODY AND MAKE FUN OF ACTION FANTASY FILMS. GET IT.

So this morning, I took myself to the movies and saw The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part. Yes, I took myself to a movie on Valentine’s Day and I LOVED it. Next question.

I saw the original film kind of by accident, my friends and I had planned to see another film (I don’t even remember what it was now) but we got there way too late, and we said “well, maybe we can at least make fun of The Lego Movie.”

And then we were BLOWN away! Like someone on my tumblr said, “the lego movies have NO BUSINESS being as good as they are!”

Granted no one believes me when I swear up and down that The Lego Movie is actually really well-done and heartfelt with an important message and it’s super self-aware and FUNNY. And feel-good! It’s honestly one of my favorite movies, but it’s hard to convince people that it’s good. I mean, I get it-it sounds stupid and…like, also why is it even a thing?

The point is, I was tentatively really excited for the sequel. The first one was amazing-does the second one stand on its level?

and this is everything you need to know about these characters, right here, in one picture

THE PLOT

We pick up technically sort of right after the end of the first movie, when Dad (Will Ferrell) tells Finn (Jadon Sand) that if he can play down in the basement now with the Legos, so can his younger sister, Bianca (Brooklynn Prince). Cue Bricksburg being attacked by those monsters/aliens made out of the bigger Lego sets designed for younger kids. We see everyone ready to attack, but Emmett (Chris Pratt) tells them to hold it, we don’t need to fight anymore! Emmett makes a big heart out of Legos and gives it to the aliens…who promptly eat it, prompting the rest of Bricksburg to attack.

Five years pass, and Lucy (Elizabeth Banks) narrates how they came to where they are now: embittered by years of rebuilding things only to have the aliens destroy them, they have built a new, less-shiny, dystopian city called “Apocalypseburg.” The citizens are scruffy, angry versions of their former selves (in a fun scene, Emmett walks through the city in a similar way to the intro scene of the first movie, greeting all the same characters who are now all dystopian and stuff-even the cats!), giving up on building anything bright and fun lest it attract the aliens. Everyone, that is, except Emmett, who is still just as happy-go-lucky as we remember him. Lucy tries to get him in the dystopian mood, telling him to brood, and in an attempt to do so, Emmett discusses a dream he had about “Armamageddon” where everyone is lost into the BINS of STOR-AGE!!

Oh and also, he built Lucy a cute little house!! Emmett’s super excited about it (he even made a little throw pillow that has “E + L Forever” embroidered on it), but Lucy is worried the bright colors will attract the aliens. Sure enough, a weird ship shows up and attacks them. The citizens of Apocalypseburg hide in a big safe-room thing they built, but in an effort to save one of the adorable alien stars, Emmett opens the door slightly and accidentally lets in General Mayhem (Stephanie Beatriz!!!).

Mayhem grabs Lucy, Batman (Will Arnett), Unikitty (Alison Brie), MetalBeard (Nick Offerman), and Benny (Charlie Day) and takes them to the “Systar System” for a matrimonial ceremony. Once there, they meet Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi (Tiffany Haddish), who swears she is NOT. EVIL. Really. I promise.

Meanwhile, Emmett rebuilds his house for Lucy as a spaceship, determined to go save his friends, and on the way, he meets REX DANGERVEST (also voiced by Chris Pratt). Rex becomes kind of a mentor to Emmett as they travel, but can they save their friends before Armamageddon hits? Will they find out what is REALLY going on?

this is the entire film pretty much

THE REVIEW

So in a similar fashion to the first movie, there’s a relatively big plot twist and reveal near the end that changes everything. Up to that point, it’s a pretty standard family film with a lot of meta jokes and really lovely animation and fun moments, but…it’s just kind of okay. I kept guessing where they were going with this (after all, one reason I love the first film is how it out of NOWHERE pulls at your heartstrings and changes everything about the movie up to that point), but honestly? I was so, so wrong. I could kind of guess some details (it’s called “ArMAMAgeddon” for a reason) but I couldn’t predict everything, and I’m glad I couldn’t.

It was still good and fun to watch, but the humor felt…not as good as the first movie. It felt more forced, which makes sense. After all, the original threw EVERYONE for a loop, it was so out-of-nowhere and GOOD. Then, in an effort to keep that money-making up, we got Lego: Batman which was…okay. Still good! Still fun! But not…the same. It was clearly made without the same amount of love the first film was. Then we got Ninjago and everyone kinda lost hope in the Lego movies.

Basically, this movie had a lot to live up to, and for me, it didn’t really meet that bar…up until the big twist and the ending. I still think I prefer the first movie by…a lot, BUT, this movie did deliver a great couple twists that changed everything and made me go “AWWWW.” It was a great, positive, feel-good film about the importance of love and togetherness.

People (specifically my ol’ college buds) make fun of me for preferring generally happy, feel-good stories, but honestly? I think sometimes that’s what you need. Generally, we watch movies, plays, musicals, TV, or read books to escape. Isn’t it much more enjoyable if that escape makes you feel good? Now I’m a 4 on the Enneagram, so I do love a good sad story, or misunderstood character, or best of all a tragic, TRAGIC backstory. But I also like to come away from a story feeling good and happy-I want to re-experience stuff like that.

Anyway, tangent done. The point is, I did really, really like this movie. It’s just a lot of fun, and really heartfelt and wonderful, especially at the end. Does it live up to the first movie? Nah, at least not in my opinion, but it’s still good. Better than Batman and Ninjago, that’s for sure.

But what makes it so, dare I say…AWESOME??

Spoiler warning now in effect!

EVERYTHING IS AWESOMEEEEE

THE MUSIC

As Lucy says at one point…”Oh no, are we in a musical??”

Yes. This is a musical. Kind of.

Really there are only three songs that feature the characters breaking out into song and two of them are really headlined by Tiffany Haddish as the queen.

It’s interesting, because I distinctly remember thinking the score from the first movie was one of my favorite things ever, it was just super fun and had NO BUSINESS BEING THAT GOOD. Plus there was everyone’s favorite bop “Everything is Awesome.”

This doesn’t have as good of a score, in my opinion, but the soundtrack is still good. “Not Evil” is just ridiculous and super fun, and if I was still auditioning for musicals I would ABSOLUTELY use it. “Catchy Song” does, as the lyrics say, get stuck in your head. But it’s fun and cute, and the scene in the movie that features it is one of my favorites. “Gotham City Guys” is…okay. It’s a fun song, but the relationship built up between the queen and Batman is just…I mean it’s fanfiction material. It’s not bad, it’s juuuuuuust…unique?

But the real amazing song is, and wait for it… “Everything’s Not Awesome.”

Yeah. They did that.

Just when all hope seems lost, the group sings about how yes, everything is NOT awesome. It’s the same tune as “Everything is Awesome” but slowed down and with a piano and really, really sad lyrics…UNTIL……

Lucy’s lyrics in the song are amazing, and this song is what really helped change my mind about the film. She sings “Everything’s not awesome/but that doesn’t mean that it’s hopeless and bleak/everything’s not awesome but in my heart I believe/we can make things better if we stick together/side by side, you and I, we will build it together” which is cute, right?

It then combines with the lyrics to “Catchy Song” but instead of “this song’s gonna get stuck inside your head” the cast sings “this song’s gonna get stuck inside your heart.” WHICH IS SO DORKY AND RIDICULOUS AND I LOVE IT.

Then, the song goes on: “Everything’s not awesome/things can’t be awesome all of the time/it’s unrealistic expectation/but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to make everything awesome/in a less idealistic kind of way”

WHICH. LIKE.

Not to mention that the first credits song is all about how awesome credits are because we get to see the names of all the other people who worked on the movie (they timed it so that they sing about specific people like the editor when their name is onscreen and it’s adorable) which like yes!!! Give those people love!! The other two credits songs are all about how we should come together even if we’re different if there was ever a message kids should hear these days, it’s that. They go about their lives seeing adults fight constantly, so to see this movie and get the message that it’s better to work together and focus on love rather than hate…I support this.

my last three brain cells

THE CHARACTERS

Many of the characters are exactly who we loved from the first film (with the possible exception of Batman because I still just…I don’t know how I feel about his whole marriage arc) and it’s a delight. Emmett is relatable AF as always, Lucy is an amazing badass who like faces consequences and changes her mind and realizes the power of love which like YES, Unikitty, MetalBeard, and Benny are sweet lil’ beans yet again. General/Sweet Mayhem is adorable and my love for her increased when I realized she was voiced by Stephanie Beatriz (HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT I AM THE WORST FAN). Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi was super funky and I loved her constant shape-shifting through the film, it was just fun to watch (and after the big twist, my love for her increased). The Queen’s minions (Ice Cream Cone and Banarnar are the two really coming to mind because they were my favs) are super fun, and of course, our human characters are great. Finn and Bianca are super great and I love them, and even though we didn’t see Will Ferrell as Dad this time, we DID see Maya Rudolph as Mom which was fun!

I’m upset Vitruvius didn’t make an appearance, even as a ghost, but I’m most upset about Bad Cop. YOU GAVE LORD BUSINESS TWO WHOLE GOLF REFERENCES, AND BAD COP DOESN’T EVEN GET A WORD, JUST A GRUNT???

#rude

Rex Dangervest is…is a character. I like the meta jokes about who he is (IT’S BECAUSE HE’S VOICED BY CHRIS PRATT GET IT) but he’s never that likable, and granted he’s actually not supposed to be as we learn later. But unfortunately that means we’re stuck with him for a lot of the film, and he’s just…ugh he’s so loud and obsessed with destruction and bleh.

“But wait isn’t that the point?” YES. Exactly.

Let’s talk about the big twists so we can go into why Rex is the worst.

I love how the soldiers’ weapons are cake pops but also WHY DOES BIANCA HAVE SO MANY CAKE POPS AND WHY ISN’T SHE EATING THEM CAKE POPS ARE GREAT, BIANCA

THE TWIST(S)

The clock is ticking down the minutes to the dreaded 5:15, which is when the Queen will marry Batman (that is a real sentence I just typed, yes). Lucy has met up with Emmett and Rex and they have concocted a plan to destroy the wedding ceremony. However, Lucy learns that General Mayhem, without her helmet, is actually Sweet Mayhem, and is super nice and also? The Queen does not want to destroy the world and bring about Armamageddon, she just wants to unite their two worlds in love so the fighting can stop! The whole fight, Lucy and Sweet have been going back and forth with “you started it, no you started it!” And when Lucy points that out, Sweet says no, really, you guys started it.

At the same time, the Queen takes her original form: the heart that Emmett gave the aliens at the beginning of the movie. Lucy realizes that the aliens have never wanted to fight, they took the heart Emmett gave them and made it their queen!

At the same time again, we learn why she’s called Queen Watevra Wa”Nabi: when Bianca first started playing with Legos when she was a lot younger, Finn made her that Lego heart and gave it to her, telling her it could be “whatever she wanted it to be.”

AWWWWWWWW

Also, her friends were never brainwashed like she thought, they just genuinely liked the Systar System better because it’s happier there and everyone is friends! (Which means that Superman and Green Lantern were not brainwashed into being friends, they just genuinely became friends which IS ALSO GROWTH OKAY)

Lucy tries to stop Emmett, but Rex convinces him that Lucy must also be brainwashed, so he goes through with destroying everything.

This has us cut to “reality,” where Mom walks in on Finn and Bianca fighting again-Finn (as Emmett) destroyed the tower Bianca built because she took his stuff (the characters that Mayhem captured). Mom (after stepping on a Lego twice because can you believe they didn’t have that gag in the first movie) says alright, this is really it now, time to pack up the Legos and put them into storage. Finn tells Bianca (as he grabs the spaceship containing Emmett and Rex, allowing them to “make their escape) that she “ruined everything” and she says softly after him that she just wanted him to play with her. (This brings to mind the scene earlier where Sweet Mayhem was telling Lucy that they wanted to be friends because they really looked up to them, which translates to Bianca wants to play with Finn because she really looks up to her brother AND I’M CRYING)

This next twist is…a trip.

Rex reveals to Emmett that he IS EMMETT. He is Emmett who got tossed under the dryer and never found, who hardened because of that, and built a time machine to go back and save himself from…himself. It’s a little funky, but it explains why Chris Pratt voices both characters. Emmett is horrified, but Rex points out that this is great though, look at how tough and mature Emmett is now! Isn’t that what he wanted?

We cut back to our other group, thrown into the bins with the lids on. I kid you not, they show us a THE END TITLE CARD. YEAH. THEY DO THAT.

But Lucy says “woah, no, this is not that story that ends on a depressing cliffhanger.”

This is when “Everything’s Not Awesome” is sung, and the music maybe metaphorically reaches Finn’s heart, and he opens the bin of Legos from his sister’s room. He finds the pieces that build up the Queen, and he remakes her as a heart. He brings it to his sister in her room as the music swells and it’s ADORABLE, OKAY.

Meanwhile, Rex has banished Emmett to under the dryer to think about his actions or something, but then Rex comes there anyway to like beat him up I guess. But Lucy comes for him and saves him!! Lucy and Emmett talk to Rex, try to get him to come with them, but Rex says that since Lucy came for Emmett, Rex will never exist now (“I’m Back to the Future-ing!” he says I KID YOU NOT).

There’s one more twist I promise (although it’s just kind of funny). Anyway, we catch up with Mom, who hears her kids and walks outside to find them playing together with the Legos, and it’s super sweet. She smiles watching them, and then we hear Will Ferrell from inside yell “honey, where are my pants?”

YEAH REMEMBER HOW THAT WAS NEVER EXPLAINED IN THE FIRST MOVIE. GOD BLESS, THAT MEANS FINN HEARS HIS DAD SAY THAT A LOT. I LOVE IT.

I dunno how much acting Pratt had to do for this character tbh I mean…that’s the joke

THE MESSAGE

So the big overall message is one of unity, like I mentioned earlier with the music. There’s no big epic fight, just like how there wasn’t a big epic fight in the first film. There’s just reconciliation between a family, and it’s done in a really sweet way in both movies.

Another message that centers around Rex entirely is that of the dangers of toxic masculinity. Think about it: Rex’s big power is that he can destroy things. He loves it, he LIVES for it; that’s his thing, and he’s proud of it. He was hardened by no one coming to save him under the dryer, and he let that anger control him into wanting to ruin the possible happiness and reconciliation between the two worlds. He is, very purposely, every single action hero ever.

(Quick sidenote and speaking of action heroes: the Bruce Willis cameos in the film were AMAZING. I mean, so random, but great)

Rex represents all the anger Finn feels at Bianca. She steals his toys, she ruins everything…so he breaks her stuff.

One of my favorite lines is when Emmett is talking to Rex at the end and says that there’s nothing about what Rex does that is particularly tough-he takes the easy way out and never wants to connect with or save anyone, only himself. Emmett says that “opening your heart? That’s really tough.”

You could argue when Rex is “Back to the Future-ing” at the end, he does open up a little to Lucy and Emmett, but the important thing is just that: he disappears. He is all anger and destruction and he is not needed.

Now he did teach Emmett how to destroy, and that’s a part of him now. Heck, Rex IS Emmett, remember?

But that’s not all Emmett is. He doesn’t have a perfectly chiseled face, he doesn’t thrive off of loneliness and destroying things, he’s a dork who named his plant “Planty” and buys his girl coffee every morning, he remembers the name of every cat that belongs to that one lady he says hi to every day, he is constantly full of hope, he loves his friends, he loves pop music, and he believes correctly that opening your heart is a really tough thing to do…but it’s worth it. He has never once fought a major villain in the franchise-he talks to them. He offers his hand to them. He tells them that love is more powerful than anything else.

And Lucy loves him for it. All his friends love him for it.

Kids are seeing that anger doesn’t actually solve anything, but peace and love does.

Which brings us to some…interesting reviews I’ve seen…

I wonder if the men are mad because Batman looks like this for most of the film

THE REVIEWS

So you know how Google has this thing where, if you Google a movie now, you can see critic reviews and audience reviews?

So like, I read a while ago that some people started boycotting the Lego: Batman movie because-and I’m serious-it is gay propaganda. The reason? Because Robin is adopted by Bruce Wayne…and Batman. So it promotes…”same-sex adoption.”

I cannot stress how much Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person.

Reviews of that nature have also come after this movie…there are complaints about Bianca’s shirt, which has a rainbow collar (yes, really). There are complaints about Batman’s marriage to Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi because it promotes a marriage to a “nonbinary character.” At first I thought they were referring to the Queen, although characters throughout the film refer to the Queen as “her” which like, she could still be nonbinary, but that seems like a bit of a stretch. Then I realized-Batman. Batman’s nonbinary, of course. That’s why they’re all upset (refer to photo above).

Other complaints are about how it features “undermining the father’s role in the home” (IS THIS BECAUSE WE ONLY HEARD WILL FERRELL AND DIDN’T SEE HIM. HE’S PROBABLY HIDING AFTER THAT DISASTER OF A SHERLOCK HOLMES ADAPTATION HE TRIED TO BE IN) and that it features a character with blue hair who is a “social justice warrior” (I am happy to report that I just today dyed my hair blue, I will be reporting to my social justice warrior camp in the morning).

There are even complaints about how the female characters save the day.

It’s people like this who the movie is targeting, in a way. They are the Rex Dangervest’s of the world. And they had to watch (with their CHILDREN) themselves get undermined on the big screen by a blue-haired FEMALE social justice warrior, a nonbinary Batman, and a girl with a rainbow collared shirt (in front of their CHILDREN).

I don’t want to attack anyone who thinks all of that, really I don’t. I just think maybe if those are your complaints about the movie, maybe you’re not really watching it, you’re just looking for things to hate about it. Everything seems like an attack on you personally when you view it that way. Also? It’s a kid’s movie. Also also? It’s a MOVIE. IT’S MADE-UP, Y’ALL.

I’m not saying it doesn’t have an effect even though it’s made-up, I’m just saying we’re going to war over something that doesn’t really warrant it. I mean…one of the characters is a banana. Who slips on his own peel frequently. That is a recurring gag in the film.

But if you think this movie is bad for your kids because it’s pushing some kind of “politically correct agenda” which is simply…”be nice to each other”, then, well, yeah, I’m gonna make fun of you for it a lil’ bit. And I will absolutely keep dying my hair blue and wearing rainbows all the time.

(also like someone complained that Benny is gay?? And like, I’m super bi you guys, if I missed the big gay agenda push with Benny, I don’t think it’s there. If we’re gonna label it, I would say Benny’s pretty asexual. Have you seen him get excited about literally anything else other than a spaceship? Yeah)

Planty is never seen again after this scene. RIP Planty.

“OOF” MOMENT

I’ve already expressed my distaste at the ONE TINY SCENE THAT THEY GAVE TO BAD COP, SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT. But I think I’d have to award this moment to the scene where Maya Rudolph steps on a Lego…twice. While it’s an appropriate gag, obviously, it felt very Maya Rudolph-y and not very…Lego Movie-y. It just felt out of place with the tone of the movie. And the tone of this movie is like, allllll over the place.

Also like, whatever scene confirmed Benny’s gayness for a lot of angry parents. It was so bad and subtle I MISSED IT.

FAVORITE MOMENT

The entire ending with all the heartfeltness is probably it, but I have to highlight the scene where Unikitty becomes…Ultrakatty. I feel like I appreciate cat jokes a lot more now that I have a cat. Also there’s a scene where a loud noise wakes Unikitty up and she just puffs up like crazy. It was my cat on the screen, basically.

Also the second part of the credits is ridiculously adorable because it shows pictures of the Lego creations of real-live siblings and it’s SO. CUTE.

“they come in pieces” these are the PUNS

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO THIS MOVIE?

Like I’ve said, I’ve never really been able to convince people that the Lego movies are actually really, really good. I still genuinely think the first movie is better, but this one is a worthy follow-up, even though it’s not quite as good.

If you liked the first one, even if you were unimpressed with Batman and Ninjago, I think you will like this one. It goes back to its roots more than the spin-offs do, and it is genuinely enjoyable, especially once the twist kicks in. Plus, there are SO MANY META JOKES. SO MANY.

If you’re looking for reasons to hate it, like I said, you won’t like it, of course. If you like fun, feel-good movies and you’re willing to give this a chance, please consider checking out the original and then seeing this one.

They are really, really good, I promise!!

All in all, I give The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part,

4/5 BASIC LEGO BRICKS WITH EXAGGERATED ANIME EYES!!

Because for some reason all of the Systar System characters had crazy big anime eyes. It must be for the added emphasis on those puppy-eyes scenes.

TRAILERS TO WATCH OUT FOR

Bunch of repeats, although some of them had a new version of the trailer, like Uglydolls (brace yourself, guys, the bad guy seems to be…A BLONDE WHITE MALE!!!) and How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (I am SO EXCITED and also SO TERRIFIED if they do ANYTHING to Toothless, I genuinely won’t survive. I’m crying over animated flying lizards already and we still have a week). Newbies include Toy Story 4 which…ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why is this happening?? Is it the money???? It’s the money, isn’t it. They ended it PERFECTLY with Toy Story 3, but noooooooo. And look, it’s Pixar, and it’s the Toy Story franchise, so it has a good chance of being like, actually good. But….why does it exist in the first place??? Stupid money. Speaking of cash-grabs, The Secret Life of Pets 2 looks….aight, I guess. I was real excited about the first one, and then it was just kinda…meh. So I don’t have high hopes for this one. The one I’m REALLY excited for is Detective Pikachu. I mean…that is my and a whole lot of other people’s childhoods coming to life in a very, very weird way on screen and I am SO EXCITED. Plus like, Ryan Reynolds as Pikachu??? I am living.

Thankfully I didn’t have to sit through another Brightburn trailer this time.

That’s it for this review! I guess one reason I don’t understand the negative reviews (mostly because I disagree with the basis entirely) is because I really wanted to just…pull the good things out of it? Like I said, it’s not as good as the first one I don’t think, but there’s still really heartwarming stuff that happens. But I forget that we don’t like heartwarming I guess.

Anyway, I thought it was good, and I’m all down for skewing the review results against people who are angry about the movie because Benny is…gay.

I just-he’s not even the character who wore the rainbow-collared shirt??? Whatever.

Miss Bala 2019 Review

PlayerOne1 Comment
but like hear me out, even the tagline is misleading because…she doesn’t really change, it’s just her though? I mean she gets a gun but she doesn’t even really use it, my dudes

So a couple days ago, I took myself to the movies and saw Miss Bala, which WOW, that trailer was misleading. It wasn’t misleading in a bad way, at least in my opinion, but I can see where some people may have gone to see it expecting one movie, and then they got an entirely DIFFERENT movie.

So what was this movie, billed as an intense action-thriller starring Gina Rodriguez ruining a whole bunch of men’s lives in an incredible red dress?

So hear me out, in some ways, it was exactly that. But it was also so much more.

So let’s learn all about the incredible power of female friendship because, and I cannot stress this enough, THAT’S what Miss Bala is really about.

if only we could all look as put together while we contemplate our life decisions

THE PLOT

The movie begins following Gloria Fuentes (Gina Rodriguez), a professional makeup artist who dreams of being more and maybe like even a designer one day instead of following the same old boring canned designs? She and the audience get a grim in-your-face reminder of her position when her supervisor flat-out says “we don’t pay you to think.”

Great, thanks for that.

But it can only bring her down for so long, because after the fashion show, Gloria heads down to Tijuana, Mexico to spend the weekend with her best friend Suzu (Cristina Rodlo). Suzu is entering the Miss Baja California pageant, and Gloria, naturally, will be her makeup artist. There’s a really fun scene where they sign up and the pageant coordinator gives her a once-over and Gloria’s all “oh yeah I’m not entering” and the coordinator just full-out Regina George is like “oh I didn’t think so.” (Like?? has she SEEN Gina Rodriguez???) Suzu takes on the audience’s reaction and is ready to THROW DOWN with this coordinator, but Gloria talks her out of it.

Later that night, Gloria is practicing Suzu’s makeup and they have a really sweet heart-to-heart about how they’re family and all and Suzu gives Gloria this dorky adorable friendship bracelet she made her and it’s all very nice.

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT HAPPY STUFF, we cut to Suzu and Gloria heading to a club to shmooze with some of the pageant higher-ups (Suzu drops the plot point here that the chief of police tends to sleep with the pageant winner every year BUT IT’S A RUMOR OKAY EVERYTHING’S FINE). Gloria heads to the bathroom after Mr. Chief of Police GROPES her, but she doesn’t want to ruin Suzu’s chance at winning, so she just quietly leaves. In the stall, though, she sees and hears a group of guys break in through the ceiling vent and um, they got guns. One of them finds Gloria and pulls her out, which is where she first makes eye contact with the leader, Lino Esparza (Ismael Cruz Cordova). Though egged on to shoot Gloria because she’s seen them, Lino seems to find her intriguing because she’s an American. He tells her she has ten seconds to get out.

Gloria desperately tries to get to Suzu in the crowded club, but it’s too late-the guys open fire on the club and it’s chaos. Gloria barely makes it out, but she still cannot find Suzu (though she keeps passing girls who could be her, but they keep getting shot or hurt and it’s jarring). She ends up spending the night in a cafe with other survivors, with Suzu not answering her phone. Gloria finds a policeman outside, says she’s a survivor and she saw the men who did this. The policeman offers to take her to the station, but something’s wrong. Instead, he takes her to a hotel, and she is grabbed by none other than Lino Esparza’s men.

She is later barely able to escape after being forced to leave a car with a bomb inside parked outside a safehouse. Because of this, she is captured by the DEA, and told she will only be released if she delivers Lino to the DEA.

The rest of the movie is a tense back-and-forth between Gloria and her life with Esparza’s men, all while desperately searching for Suzu. Can she save Suzu and escape from a life of crime, or will she be forced to live out her days as a slave to Esparza’s gang, forever wondering what happened to her dear friend?

this is basically the movie, various men telling Gloria what to do while she just death-stares the entire time

THE REVIEW

Even from the plot summary, it sounds like the movie that was advertised. I mean, isn’t it, in some way, a version of Taken? I mean even the tagline “who would you become to save your family?” I mean it’s…it’s Taken, you guys.

Except it’s not. Now don’t get me wrong, I actually liked Taken when I saw it, but this is not that movie. The way it’s billed, you think Gloria will develop some kind of relationship with Lino and be his gang queen or something, but really she’s doing it to save her friend so it’s all a lie. And like…that is not what happens. You can tell it’s what Lino wants to happen (except for the it being all a lie part)-he’s obsessed with Gloria pretty much from the moment he sees her. He is beyond happy to control her and make her special, groom her into being his “queen.”

But Gloria? She is having NONE of that.

Even when it seems hopeless, and it seems hopeless a LOT, Gloria never loses sight of her goal: Suzu. Saving Suzu is all she wants. She is not in it for any kind of sick relationship with Lino or DEA guy (SPOILER granted, DEA guy doesn’t really last long enough to even make it a possibility but also he kinda betrayed Gloria so we don’t care for him that much tbh).

Now, are there action-packed scenes as advertised? Yes, of course. But you know how in movies with Arnold Schwarzenegger or Liam Neeson or I guess Dwayne Johnson is doing stuff like that now whatever ANYWAY, generally in movies like that, the action scenes are “fun?” They’re always played to show you how impossibly immortal our main guy is, or how weird and ridiculous some of the stunts can get. They’re played to bring out your inner animal to cheer for all the destruction or something I guess, I’ve never enjoyed stuff like that so I can’t speak for why they’re the way they are. The action scenes in this movie are never enjoyable, they’re never there to show off stunts and grunts and whatever else you look for. These scenes are appropriately horrific. The shootout in the club at the beginning is terrifying and stressful, the stand-off in the lot between the gang and the DEA is tense and difficult, and the final assault on the party, despite it being the most played up in the trailer, is scary. It just is.

And honestly? It’s one of the things I appreciate the most about the movie. It felt real, not just played up for entertainment.

I could go on about that for a while, but there are other reasons this movie isn’t the movie that was advertised. I’ll go into those more down below.

So it’s not the movie that was advertised-but is it good?

Honestly? It’s pretty okay.

Like The Kid Who Would Be King, I don’t think this is a movie that’ll win any awards. It’s a little messy, especially in the beginning, and the ending kinda comes out of nowhere. Plus, even though it knows what movie it wants to be, it was not advertised as such, so people don’t really know what to do with it. Plus apparently it’s very loosely based off of a 2011 Mexican film of the same name, so some people have an issue with that.

Look, despite the messiness, I still think there are interesting and good things in this film-plus, Gina Rodriguez is a goddess.

I can’t fully detail my opinion here, so let’s just dive in deeper and discuss.

Spoilers ahead!!

what do you mean she doesn’t look like she’s in the middle of a shootout in this picture isn’t that what you’d look like

THE MUSIC

I really liked the music! I don’t think there was any one musical moment that really stood out to me, although the club shootout was eerie because the club music kept playing over the carnage which was just…very unsettling. Effective, but also just kind of…blech.

Actually, having looked up the soundtrack on Spotify, I can say that the sweet guitar theme in the song called “Gloria & Suzu” is adorable and sweet, and then “Gloria Drives” is a direct contradiction and is super suspenseful and just ACK.

Also, we have to talk about the end credits song “Call the Shots” by Leslie Grace because DAMN. The lyrics are exactly why I like what I do like about this movie, and we’ll get into why in a later section. But seriously, this song is good. Add it to your “empowerment” playlist.

man this entire scene where he flips her hair all over on one side and she just glares at him in the mirror like AHHHH

THE CHARACTERS

Probably appropriately, we don’t have a lot of characters to discuss because a lot of them don’t get fully developed (I mean many of them do die so).

We have to start with our leading lady, light of my soul, Gloria Fuentes. I’m probably biased because I would die for Gina Rodriguez, but Gloria is a wonderful lead to follow through the movie. Again, her goal the entire time is just to find and save her best friend, and it’s just so pure and good you want her to succeed. Gloria is not perfect of course. She breaks down a lot on various jobs from Lino, I mean girl is scared, all right, and in order to save herself she accidentally helps her new comrade Isabel get…killed. You could argue that it is that scene, however, that helps to solidify her actions in the final act. Anyway, point is, Gloria is a good character to follow, and she is smart, capable, and has a good arc-we’re happy that she wins in the end because she deserves it. She is constantly underestimated by the men in the film, and she lets them, partly because she is used to it, but also because it leads to their downfall in many cases and her victory. Fools.

Suzu is, unfortunately, absent from much of the film, but she is an absolute ray of sunshine when she is onscreen. This is good because we have to want her to be rescued. In the little bit we do see of her, she clearly cares for Gloria a lot, and she just genuinely wants to win Miss Baja California. She is too pure and good and I’m so happy she’s okay in the end. I mean, unfortunately, she’s changed because of what happened to her, but she does get rescued.

Lino Esparza is a fascinating villain, and the more I think about it, the more I’m glad they depicted him the way they did. The movie does a fantastic job of painting him as a monster and a human. He does terrible, terrible things. He kills without a second thought. He has no problem ordering Gloria to strip for him, to lie down next to him, to untie his boots for him. He is absolutely drunk on the power he owns because he believes he deserves it. But…he’s dang attractive! And he at least seems to care for Gloria, sort of, but more importantly, look! He has a sweet family who cooks delicious food and there are children and he’s great with them and one day he just wants to buy that land so they just own it and awwww!! Lino is humanized to some degree for both the audience and Gloria, but never so much that we forget how awful he is. He’s well-rounded, and that’s important!

There are other characters, like I mentioned, but they’re not developed or even really important in the way that those three are. Lino has a henchman who never trusts Gloria and treats Isabel like a sex slave. DEA guy Brian has no soul (he tells Gloria there will be a SWAT guy available to get her out of the standoff, but when Gloria says there isn’t anyone there, he just says “k you’re on your own bye” LIKE. EXCUSE YOU). Suzu has a little brother who is Gloria’s godson and he is precious and also comes out unharmed! Isabel is precious, if I could have made any changes, it would have been to have both her AND Gloria take Lino’s crew down, but I get why her death happened.

Basically, the characters that were developed are well-developed, and that’s important. There aren’t a lot of them, but there don’t really need to be. We don’t need to know Henchman #1’s entire backstory to dislike him for the way he behaves towards Isabel. DEA guy Brian had plenty of character development in the betrayal scene and that was all I needed to know about him honestly.

Gina Rodriguez cries a lot in this movie and can I just say how illegal that should be

THE TWIST

I guess the first twist is in the middle when Gloria saves Lino in the lot standoff, but that was shown in the trailer so doesn’t count. The big twist comes at the very end.

Throughout the film, Gloria has been asking Lino to help her find Suzu because he promised. He dances around the topic a lot, but that’s just kind of how he is so it’s not really suspicious…until it is.

The ultimate plan is for Gloria to infiltrate the Miss Baja California pageant and win so that she can be invited to the Chief of Police’s room (yeah that rumor where he sleeps with the winner? HAHA NOT A RUMOR). Once there, Esparza’s men will attack and take him down so that she can find Suzu.

At the party, Gloria does find Suzu! But when she pulls Suzu aside to talk, she discovers something awful-Suzu was sold into a sex-trafficking ring run by none other than Lino Esparza himself. She has a tattoo on her hand that matches the one on Lino’s back-a tattoo logo.

So the whole time Lino was pretending to be looking for Suzu, he knew exactly where she was.

Filled with fury at this revelation but being taken to the Chief of Police’s room now, she decides to ruin the plan. She writes on a card to show to the Chief of Police that Lino Esparza is coming to kill him. This of course leads to a gigantic shootout that Gloria walks through (remember that footage from the trailer with her in the red dress? Mmm. Yep.).

There, she finds both Suzu…and Lino. Lino, still playing innocent, tells Gloria “see! I told you we’d find her!” But Gloria is having none of it. She asks Suzu to show Lino her hand with the tattoo. So Lino knows now, but even though Gloria’s pointing a gun at him, he doesn’t think she’ll shoot (this mirrors an earlier scene where he was teaching her to shoot and she had the gun pointed at him for a time). Unlike earlier though, she does take the shot. This ties in to the bigger theme of the film:

I have a lot of feelings about this dress

THE THEME

Underestimating women, but especially Gloria, is what I would argue to be the main theme of the film.

Throughout the entire film, Gloria is underestimated by every man she comes in contact with. Her supervisor? She “doesn’t get paid to think.” DEA guy Brian? Cool if she can bring them Lino, but if not, she’ll be another casualty in the standoff and not his problem. Henchman #1? He just doesn’t want her to distract Lino, but of course she can’t be the mole. Also, she’s a terrible cook who sets the kitchen on fire (newsflash: she did it on purpose as part of her plan and also you’re an idiot). And most of all: Lino Esparza. He thinks Gloria is fascinating and he likes her because she’s American, like he was. He senses some fight in her, but not enough to do anything about it. He degrades her by touching her, ordering her around, dressing her up, by owning her. He teaches her to shoot because he wants her to be able to defend herself on their next job because obviously she’s totally going to stay with him, but he does not think she will shoot him even when she’s pointing a gun at him.

Women are objects for men throughout the film. It’s ironic that part of the last job takes place at a beauty pageant, something famously ridiculed for the way it showcases women. Suzu is sold as a sex slave, and she’s entering this pageant knowing, probably, that if she wins she may have no choice but to sleep with the Chief of Police. Isabel is absolutely a sex slave for Henchman #1, and both she and Gloria are immediately delegated to cooking for the men at their hideout. Every party shown in the movie has obvious shots of women in tight dresses leading men out of room post-sex, shots of strippers, shots of girls whose only job is to look pretty for the men that own them in this world.

This movie does not end with Gloria taking a gun and shooting all of Esparza’s men in revenge, as well as every other horny guy there. She uses the gun on the Chief of Police, someone who canonically has taken advantage of and slept with who knows how many desperate girls simply because he can, someone who has groped not only Gloria but multiple girls throughout the film. She uses the gun on Lino Esparza, the man in charge of the sex trafficking ring that took her best friend, the man who tried to groom, abuse, and use her, the man who killed Isabel without a second thought because sometimes “sacrifices need to be made.”

And that’s it.

Once Lino is dead, Gloria grabs Suzu and they immediately surrender to the police.

I think that’s why many people (specifically all the old white guy reviewers on Rotten Tomatoes #I’MJUSTSAYING) don’t like this film. It was advertised as that big macho man movie except ohhhhh DUDE it has Gina Rodriguez in a tight red dress DUUUUUUUUDE!!!

Gloria is never objectified for the audience’s sake. She is objectified by the men in the film because that is the point-these men underestimate her and think they can own her, and they cannot.

Why?

Because of female friendship. Gloria’s quest to find Suzu is what drives her, and she never, ever wavers. When she shoots the Chief of Police, she is also shooting the man who would have forced Suzu to sleep with him if she’d won the pageant. When she shoots Lino, she is also shooting the man who sold her friend like a collectible trinket.

Despite being advertised as a big, violent movie with GUNS!, guns are never glorified in the way it was maybe advertised. Lino loves his weapons of course, but again, Gloria only uses it to bring two of her and Suzu’s and many, many women’s abusers down. Then, she drops it. She doesn’t need it anymore. In an age where there are violent shootings every day in the US, I admire this movie for not painting it as some kind of saving grace for Gloria-it was a tool to save her and her friend, and then, she was done.

There’s a lot of Lino dressing Gloria up and then staring at her while she just looks so, so, so very done

THE RELATIONSHIP

I have to talk a little about the Lino/Gloria relationship because I really appreciate the way it was handled.

It would have been incredibly easy to have some sort of “romantic” element added to it-Lino clearly at least lusts for her, and Gloria starts to see some sort of human side to him after he takes her to see his family.

However, it never went that direction, and I am so thankful for that.

Every scene with Lino and Gloria is kind of disgusting to some degree, which is exactly how it should be. He’s constantly staring at her, touching her, flat-out ordering her to strip, or messing with her hair. It’s never loving, it’s always possessive. And Gloria never reacts like maybe she wants it, ever-she’s always stone-faced and clearly trying not to like, scream. Maybe that’s just what I wanted to do.

Even when Gloria may start seeing some sort of good in him, this is immediately shattered by how easy it is for him to murder Isabel. This is a double-edged sword, because it was Gloria’s action of putting the tracking chip in Isabel’s phone (though granted, she did not know it was Isabel’s phone when she did it, she was on a time-limit) that led to her being labeled a traitor. But that’s all Lino needs to execute her, despite Gloria’s screams of protest. She begs to just be able to talk to him, maybe she can make him see sense, but Lino doesn’t let her, he wants her to be taken away where she can’t interfere.

This action solidifies Gloria’s feelings toward him. It SUCKS that Isabel dies, but in a way it’s necessary for Gloria to fully realize Lino as a monster. You could argue that the discovery of the link between Suzu and Lino also does this, but I think you have to build it gradually. Gloria’s furious at Lino, but she won’t do anything to him because her priority is Suzu. Once Suzu is found oh and also he’s the one in charge of that trafficking ring? Then all bets are off.

Basically, they could have added this Stockholm syndrome plotline to this, and I’m so glad they didn’t.

one of a couple different posters for the original movie

THE RE-IMAGINING

The poster above is one for the 2011 movie I mentioned earlier. It also got mixed reviews, but generally people seemed to like it, especially those people angry about this new movie.

I think because they share a title and a very, very basic plot connection, it’s easy to claim this 2019 movie is a remake, in which case it would be a very bad one. The main character is completely different and the Miss Baja California plotline is played way, WAY down.

Honestly, I don’t think it’s fair to call this film a remake-I would say it’s more of a re-imagining. Even the opening credits claim it’s inspired by the 2011 film, not based on.

Now, I haven’t seen the 2011 film, but from what I gather and see, the bullet imagery is played up a lot more in that film than this one. The point of that film is the infiltration of the beauty pageant-the point of this film is Gloria as a character and her friendship with Suzu. The pageant is never the point, merely a side thing.

Anyway, you’re welcome to do what you want of course, I just generally don’t think it’s fair to compare these two films since honestly, they seem to be very different. Should the 2019 film have been named something different, then? I mean yeah, maybe. But like The Power of Friendship sounds like a My Little Pony movie, so…

LOOK. AT. THAT. DRESS.

“OOF” MOMENT

Again, every scene where Lino touched Gloria just was GROSS and EW but we gotta give this one to the ending where Gloria is suddenly recruited by the CIA?????

Um…I mean cool she deserves it but also WHAT.

FAVORITE MOMENT

When Gloria found Suzu and gave her the friendship bracelet she’d been holding on to to show her that she’d been looking for her this whole time I JUST THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH I SUPPORT THEM.

same poster again because I couldn’t find an alternate one? Did they make any?

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO THIS MOVIE?

So listen-it’s honestly tough for me to recommend this movie. I saw a review that called it “genre-defying” and I agree with that. It’s hard to place this movie because it’s so…not what people thought. And that’s not a bad thing, at least for me. I did like it, and I loved the direction it took, but the violence is tough to watch. Again, I feel like it’s meant to be because it’s not directed as entertaining action scenes, which is good. It’s appropriately horrific, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch.

Still, the violence is not the entire movie. Gina Rodriguez absolutely steals the show and does amazing, and it’s so, so satisfying when she finds Suzu and wins. If you like typical action thrillers, you may not like this film. But if you like character-driven, tense films where the bad guys DEFINITELY LOSE and the good girls are incredible AND WIN, then I think you might like this one. Above all else, I think it does have a good story with great characters, and again, a very satisfying ending (prior to the CIA recruitment because that was just waaaaaay out of left field).

As a whole, I give this film…

3/5 FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS!!!!

Because we all know it, that friendship bracelet was a much bigger symbol to the film than a bullet, despite both film title and advertising.

TRAILERS TO WATCH OUT FOR

You would think that by now I’ve seen the Pet Sematary trailer enough to know and prepare for that stupid truck jumpscare in the beginning. I’m not, though. Lots of repeat trailers for this movie, but our new contenders are: Captain Marvel, which I will absolutely be seeing. I mean, Marvel finally giving a female superhero their own movie???? I’M THERE. Plus I would die for Brie Larson, much like I would die for Gina Rodriguez. Cold Pursuit looks…meh. It was so hard to tell what the movie was even about from the trailer, it was just like “LOOK! LIAM NEESON! Also explosions! Cars in trees! Loud noises! Excitement! LIAM NEESON AGAIN!” so um…right now it’s a no from me, unless there’s some incredible plot or I hear good things. But. Meh. And then there was Brightburn, which when I was taking notes in my phone I actually wrote “Brightburn what the GUCK” and I didn’t correct it because that feels a lot more accurate to how I feel about it. I mean, we’ve all been spammed with trailers for The Prodigy, and now this looks like almost the same film except the kid is like an evil..alien? I guess? That stupid jumpscare at the end though. Nope.

And that does it for this review!

Is Miss Bala a great movie? Not really. But I can appreciate and like things about it, and if you think you can too, I recommend taking yourself to the movies to see Miss Bala.

Or if you just wanna see Gina Rodriguez walk around in that dress with explosions in the background because honestly, price of admission, right there.

The Kid Who Would Be King Review

PlayerOneLeave a comment
the tagline just sounds like another day at school really

So this afternoon, I took myself to the movies and saw The Kid Who Would Be King, the next in a long line of remakes and adaptations of the King Arthur/Merlin/Morgana/Knights of the Round Table story.

I feel like I saw about zillion trailers for this movie but then I haven’t heard anything since it was released, so I truly didn’t know what to expect from it. I mean the trailer made it look cute and fantastical and I love almost anything Arthurian or whatever, but trailers can be verrry misleading.

I am happy to report that this trailer was NOT misleading (in most respects, more on that later), SO without further ado, let’s pull the plot from the stone and dive right in.

Pun game less strong, sorry about that.

so cheesy and ridiculous and also perfect

THE PLOT

The movie begins with an animated segment detailing the basic overview of the Arthurian legend for the audience’s sake. It’s a story many of us have heard before in some fashion, and it loosely covers the big points: Arthur pulled the sword from the stone as a kid, became a great king, gathered knights at a round table so they were all equal, fought Morgana, has a magic buddy named Merlin, so on and so forth (again, it’s a very basic overview and obviously cannot touch on every detail if you know the legend well. It sets up only what needs to be set up for the following story. This is likely why Guinevere was not included, among other things). It’s done in a sort of comic book-esque animation, and it’s quite lovely.

We then meet our main character Alex (Louis Ashbourne Serkis), a pretty average kid who does things like skip breakfast, leave his big homework projects to the last second the night before, and run to defend his best friend Bedders (Dean Chaumoo) from the school bullies Lance (Tom Taylor) and Kaye (Rhianna Dorris). He’s so determined to defend his friend, he actually gets into a full-out fist-fight with Lance. Later, trying to outrun Lance and Kaye after detention, Alex seeks shelter in a gated-off construction area, where he finds, you guessed it, a SWORD IN THE STONE. Well, okay, it’s a sword in a concrete block. BUT STILL.

Alex and Bedders joke about the sword being “The Real Excalibur” or not, and that night Alex is attacked at home by some kind of evil fiery underling, presumably one of Morgana’s (the wonderful Rebecca Ferguson). Around this time, Merlin (Angus Imrie) arrives and shows up at their school to watch over Alex and occasionally sneeze and turn into an owl (going by the extremely clever undercover name…”Mertin”). His cover is quickly blown when he realizes that the solar eclipse, the event that will apparently allow Morgana to escape her underground confines and enslave all of Britain, is actually in four days and NOT in four years, like he originally thought. This causes him to need to speed up the timeline a little, revealing his adult form (played by the one and only Sir Patrick Stewart) in order to convince Alex and Bedders of how dire the situation really is.

Once Alex and Bedders believe, they try to recruit Lance and Kaye to the cause around the round dining table. From there, they embark on an epic quest to train, find the truth about Alex’s father, grow as human beings, and recruit a giant army to defeat Morgana once and for all and save the world.

No pressure.

the real magic is Merlin’s never-ending neck

THE REVIEW

Listen I had a meeting this morning which means my to-do list tripled, so I picked this movie to see after because I assumed it would be lighthearted and enjoyable and I wouldn’t cry or feel too many emotions or anything, I mostly just wanted fun and escapism (this is why I’m seeing Miss Bala tomorrow instead because that’ll be anything BUT lighthearted and fun).

Beyond that, I guess I honestly wasn’t expecting much.

And listen, this movie? It’s delightful.

Is it groundbreaking in any way? Not really. Will it win any awards? Probably not. Is it a true cinematic experience that you feel in your soul? It’s not Black Panther, no.

BUT. It’s good. It really is. And it’s fun. And it’s relatively diverse. I think it would be enjoyable for kids and adults alike. It’s a great family movie.

More than anything else, it is chock-full of amazing, important, wonderful messages for kids. Kids watching this movie will come away feeling like they can do anything, and you know what? They absolutely can.

It doesn’t have incredible script-writing and heartbreaking moments like Pixar movies, it doesn’t have the budget, namesake, or even probably the staying power of your typical Disney movie, and best of all in my opinion, it does not have any pandering, stupid “kid-humor” like other aimed-at-kids movies.

Because the main cast we cheer for are all kids, and because it wants the audience to take their quest just as seriously as they do, it never for one second (except when plot-appropriate) tells the kids of the movie, or the audience, that they cannot have a heart-pounding, serious, and fun adventure story all of their own. It respects the kids in the audience just as much as the kids onscreen, and it’s extremely refreshing. You know it’s a kids’ movie just because of who the cast is and how the story goes, but not because of the jokes that can sometimes define (and ruin) a movie like this.

Again-is it groundbreaking and impressive? Not necessarily.

Is it important?

I think so.

Spoiler warning now in effect for the more detail-oriented breakdown of the review, if you’d rather watch it first and come back!

Morgana had the best theme of the entire score and you can’t change my mind

THE MUSIC

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Listen, it definitely had some good moments. The little acoustic theme that played in the beginning, and then when the characters started their journey altogether? Light and fun, loved it. The tree training battle music??? Quirky and weird and it was great. MORGANA’S EVIL MUSIC??? That was the best part tbh.

Overall, nothing about the main score really stood out to me personally. There was epic music when there needed to be (and there needed to be a lot of it) and there were sad elongated chords playing for the more poignant moments. But overall, you could put a lot of the music over footage from a separate adventure fantasy film and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. It didn’t feel like the score for Into the Spider-verse, which was so personalized and unique to that movie that it wouldn’t fit with anything else.

And maybe that wasn’t the point, and that’s fine. The main important thing is that the score didn’t detract from the film at all, and that’s crucial.

they are just babeys…poor babeys, children, pls save them

THE CHARACTERS

They are precious beans who need to be protected, thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

But really, part of what makes this movie so fun is how the characters are and how they interact with one another. By the end, I loved all the kids-and it didn’t necessarily start out that way.

Bedders was probably my favorite from the beginning-he’s just so supportive and excited about everything, and his moment where he stood up to Lance and Kaye to protect Alex (where usually it’s Alex protecting Bedders) was so sweet. Plus when he learns how to do actual magic as opposed to the magic illusions he was working on, he’s SO EXCITED and it’s so precious.

Lance and Kaye never really have development apart from each other, as they generally serve the same purpose in the plot-they’re the bullies, or Alex’s enemies, who get recruited and become knights by the end. They learn to fight for something other than themselves. Lance overcomes his selfishness and Kaye…they make a big-deal about how she is “callow” which is odd because they’re kids? Aren’t they all callow?? She doesn’t necessarily have a big moment to overcome that, although she does save Bedders during a horseback incident and she drives the getaway car in that one chase scene. They’re obnoxious in the beginning, as they are meant to be, and they’re wonderful by the end.

Merlin is an absolute dork the whole way through the film. When he’s a teenager, he’s lanky and overexcited and loud and wears the most ridiculous bright yellow rain boots, and when he’s an adult, he’s quirky Patrick Stewart. He strongly believes in the kids, as he tells Morgana in a pivotal moment, and he’s really the first adult character to do so, which is refreshing.

It took me the longest to warm up to Alex as a character, and I’m still not convinced I really like him by the end necessarily. Through the first half of the film, the quest is to find his long-lost father, whom he believes knew all along that Alex was “the once and future king” based off of the way he signed a copy of the Arthurian legend for his son. However, on the quest, they find out that the book signature was actually forged by Alex’s mother, and the truth is that his dad was no hero-he was an alcoholic who left the family. This does give Alex some interesting development-as Merlin explains, Alex is not a direct descendant of the original Arthur…and he doesn’t have to be. The sword “chose” him because of who he is, not because of any family connection. So from then on, Alex just has to believe in himself because of himself, and not for any other reason. It’s a nice moral.

There is a slight problem here, however. While I fully support the message of “you can be anything no matter where you come from,” it’s still a message and a plotline that they gave to a white boy. While it’s still incredibly important for him to believe in himself, it still stands true that Alex (and Lance) will have the least amount of problems growing up simply because of who they are. They are white males, they are naturally privileged, and they will continue to be. The message of believing in yourself regardless of your background is an important one, and a beautiful one-but wouldn’t it have been that much more powerful if it had been a plotline given to a character of color?

Regardless, like I said, it’s still an important message. And almost every single kid who goes to see the movie will come away having seen themselves on screen saving the world-how cool is that?

It kind of reminds me of when the new A Wrinkle in Time came out, and many people were disappointed because it wasn’t exactly like the book-but can you imagine all the little black girls who saw that movie, and saw a girl who looked like them being told over and over again how smart she was? And not in a condescending way, either-her love interest admired her because of how smart she was.

That’s the beautiful thing about stories like this: they let kids imagine that they can be the main character just as they are. They can save the world just as they are. They can do great things just as they are. They don’t get pandered to or patronized because they are children; they are simply believed in.

this movie is also known as The Kid who GOT TO HANG OUT WITH PATRICK STEWART

THE MESSAGE

I touched on this a bit (a lot) in the characters section, but there’s another side of it.

What makes this movie worth seeing isn’t the characters, it isn’t the plot, not the score, the cinnamontography (that’s a real word I swear), its take on the Arthurian legend, or EVEN Sir Patrick Stewart (he’s still great though). What makes this movie worth seeing, I think, is the message.

Like I said in the characters section, one big message in the movie is that kids can do anything, no matter where they come from. They can stand up for themselves, they can perform seemingly impossible tasks (like pulling a sword from a stone), or they can fight off an army of demons. It’s a great message, and another message that slides into that is that friendship is an incredible power all on its own. Alex invited the two people who helped make his and his best friend’s lives’ at school miserable and gave them an opportunity to fight alongside him. I don’t think the overall point there is that you should go around offering your local bullies friendship bracelets (although hey, why not), but rather to see them not as bullies but as people. Though it was touched on only lightly, Lance and Kaye had reasons for behaving the way they were. For some reason, maybe something in their home lives, they believe initially that the world is unfair and they can’t do anything to change it, so why try? They feel like it’s completely hopeless, and moreover, they themselves feel worthless. They got that message from someone in their lives. And they acted out because of it.

Alex and Bedders saw that in them, and tried to help them see past it. And it led to a really powerful, unassuming friendship, and lots of supporting each other when all hope was lost. Also, friendship hugs!! And cuddles!!!

But in my opinion, the strongest message of all is that the kids are the future. It’s cheesy, and it sounds like a campaign slogan for PTA president, but it is the message. It comes out the clearest for me during the final battle.

Merlin confronts Morgana before she goes to face off against Alex & Co., and it’s important to note that while their initial confrontation takes place when Merlin appears to be a teenager, he changes so that this next moment happens in his adult form. These are two adults facing off now.

Morgana’s stance is that she is owed the sword, and the power, because she is the last living Pendragon. And have you seen these KIDS??? With their “TOYS” and “TRINKETS????”

“Do you really believe in them?” she asks, because she doesn’t take them seriously-she flat-out asks Merlin if he chose children because he thought she wouldn’t have the guts to do anything to them.

Merlin says that of course he believes in them. Those kids have more courage and heart than you’d believe.

“We are the past, Morgana. Those kids are the future.” Merlin, in his adult form, says to her then.

Sound like a familiar argument?

This is crucial because Morgana is embodying what every adult in the film has said, has believed, up to this point: they’re just kids. The world will not be kind to them. We can’t baby them and have them believe in fairy tales. They’ll have to earn the good things in life, it won’t just be handed to them. It certainly wasn’t handed to us!

Merlin is the one adult in the film who stands against this (sure, Alex’s mother believes her son only after he summons the Lady of the Lake in their bathtub, but you can tell she’s still coming to terms with everything). He realizes that their time is over: these kids? Their time is just beginning.

I don’t want to get in to a whole generational war, not necessarily, but the metaphor is there.

And it’s important for kids seeing this movie to see that, to see not only themselves being awesome and saving the world, but to see that yes, many adults, many people from the previous generation will not believe in them…but some will.

Kids need to see adults believing in them, because they are the future.

protect these kids 2k19

MY THEORY

One of the many things that stood out to me during the film was this sense of bluntness about everything. In the beginning when Alex is heading to school, we hear a newscaster flat-out discussing how the world is doomed because more dictator-esque and authoritarian leaders are in power than ever before. I mean sure, but jeez, that’s a little, well, blunt. Then, Alex passes by a newsstand, and every headline is something like “DOOM.” or “THE TERROR CONTINUES.” I mean there is NO subtlety.

This is followed up by almost every conversation Alex has with an adult during the movie. When he speaks with the principal after getting in a fight, the principal tells him that his actions here will affect the rest of his life, he knows that, right? The world is not kind and it’s not going to take care of him.

Okay thanks for the pep talk…

Later he’s talking with his mom who tells him that his dad would never have wanted his son to be someone who believes in fairy tails or carries swords around.

I mean I really don’t think that exact topic would have occurred to him?

Even later, when Alex meets his aunt and learns the truth about his dad, she is not gentle with him at all. She says that his dad was not a good man at all, she doesn’t even know where he is, he doesn’t love them and never did.

I mean I get it’s a fantasy movie, but YEESH.

That felt a little too far outside the confines of reality, and those were all supposed to be real conversations, no magic to be seen.

What occurs to me, however, is that all of that makes sense if you think of it from a child’s viewpoint. A child might hear discussions of some dangerous leaders in the world, and translate that into a newscast about more authoritarian leaders than ever before. A child might translate long newspaper headlines into what they really are saying: “DOOM.” “THE TERROR CONTINUES.” A child might get in trouble at school and all they’d hear from the principal is that those actions affect the rest of their lives, even though they don’t (Alex is 12-you hear stuff like that in high school and it still isn’t true). A child would hear complicated reasons for a parent leaving and assume it’s because of them, because they believe in fairy tails and stupid things like that. A child would hear that a parent left because they do not love them.

Merlin has fascinating magic all throughout the film (every time he casts a spell it’s very Syfy’s The Magicians-esque), but one of the most unique things he does is cast a spell on an adult figure to get them to do what he wants. But what I noticed more than anything is that the spell silences the adult. Once the adult is silenced and not putting the kids down anymore, they can continue with their quest.

Morgana may be the embodiment of evil and Alex’s main enemy throughout the film, but another enemy is the adults in his life not believing in him and not trusting him. He hears all of that and translates it into something else, even if it’s not the message originally intended.

At the very end, Merlin congratulates the main four kids and, most importantly, tells them exactly what it is about them as individuals that helped them win. Merlin is the first adult to see them not as children with fantasies, but as fully-fledged humans. They’re still growing up and changing, of course, but they are people, just as they are right then.

He then says to them in my favorite line of the film: “A world is defined by its leaders. And what leaders you’ll be.”

Catch me CRYIN IN THE CLUB AT 6

no the real message is give kids swords, it’ll be fine I swear (I’m lying that’s not true at all don’t give kids swords)

“OOF” MOMENT

Like I said, this movie is not, as a whole, a masterpiece by ANY means. There are some acting moments that are just…yikes.

But I mean they’re KIDS OKAY.

Still, there are some moments between Alex and Bedders when they’re talking and it’s just…they’re reading a script y’all, that’s it.

There’s also a scene early on where Alex’s mother is talking to him and they’re both in the frame but she’s not actually looking at him she’s looking just past him and I just???

Also Merlin transforms into an owl in front of the whole school to convince them to join Alex’s army and when he lands he’s all moody teenager “HOW EMBARRASSING” but like…Merlin you’ve been doing that the whole movie. Merlin you wore a too-small uniform to school to spy on Alex. Merlin you said your name was “Mertin.” MERLIN.

FAVORITE MOMENT

I’ve said a lot about this scene already and why it’s my favorite, but nothing can beat that last scene between Merlin and the kids. It’s just really heartwarming and pure.

Also, the scene where the trees are training the kids how to sword-fight? Adorable. Wonderful. 10/10 training montage.

GET IT BECAUSE HE’S A KID AND THE FINAL BATTLE IS AT SCHOOL GET IT??? GET IT???????

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO THIS MOVIE?

Look, this movie is not perfect. I honestly had real mixed feelings about it up until the third act. And just because I like it and pulled a ton of metaphors out of it, doesn’t mean everyone will. It’s still, at the end of the day, a kid’s movie. The stakes are never that high. It’s not Lord of the Rings (although it is referenced! Twice!!), and it’s not going to win Best Picture because everyone knows that’s going to be Black Panther. Two years in a row. This year and next. Because I say so.

The thing is, if you have kids, I think they’d love it. And if you’re worried about sitting through a mindless kid’s movie with them, I can happily assure you that you will at least probably enjoy it, at least a little bit. Or if you just wanna take yourself to a fun, hope-filled movie about the power of kids and the younger generation, I think you’ll be satisfied.

It doesn’t accomplish anything great, necessarily. But I still think it’s important.

And if you’re worried that it’ll screw up the Arthurian legend (like one review I read? The person was like…real passionate about the fact that Alex was billed as being Arthur’s descendant and that’s IMPOSSIBLE based on the legend like CHILL FAM. It was marketed that way of course because it’s a character development moment for Alex and also??? It’s a kid’s movie), well I don’t really know what to tell you. Hollywood does stuff like that all the time. You’re welcome to make your own movie, though.

The point is, for me personally, I give The Kid Who Would Be King…

3.5/5 WEIRDLY GLOWING EXCALIBURS!!!

Yeah, Excalibur glows like a flashlight, idk what to tell you.

TRAILERS TO WATCH OUT FOR

Definitely a different caliber of trailers from what I’ve been seeing lately! We have Dumbo to start us off which…I have such mixed feelings about??? I want to like it, and it’s Tim Burton, but ughhhhh the original is one of my least favorite movies EVER. I’ll probably still see it just to check (plus like…Colin Ferrell) but I’m remaining cautious. UglyDolls is DEFINITELY on my list, okay, this is my aesthetic. I mean…UglyDolls??? Kelly Clarkson???? JANELLE MONAE????????? I’m there. Spider-man Far From Home cracks me up because I feel like at least part of Avengers:Endgame is ruined. Like I get it, but also…we’re all going into Endgame now knowing Peter’s gonna be okay. The real question is…WILL SHURI BE OKAY???? A Dog’s Journey is the continuation of A Dog’s Purpose from a couple years ago, and yeah I love crying about reincarnated dogs, give it to me. WonderPark looks like it could be really good…oooorrrr really meh. We’ll see. I don’t really have any feelings about Dark Phoenix because I haven’t really been following the X-Men movies at all, but I might watch them to catch up. The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part is a given since the first one is one of my favorites, and I hope the sequel does it justice. I have my doubts, since we all saw Lego Batman and Ninjago (or maybe we didn’t). Finally, Breakthrough looks…interesting? I want to look up the true story it’s based on, and there’s a good chance it’ll be REAL preachy. But maybe not. Plus, Chrissy Metz!! Making us cry about something other than This is Us this time! Also, Mike Colter!! It’ll be fun to see him as someone other than Luke Cage.

And that does it for this review! If you want a decent, fun, heartfelt movie to give you some escapism and a good time, I recommend you take yourself to the movies to see The Kid Who Would Be King.

Glass Review

PlayerOneLeave a comment
I really love everything about this poster especially because it tells you absolutely nothing about the movie, you think you know what’s going to happen?? YOU’RE WRONG

So yesterday, I took myself to the movies and saw Glass, M. Night Shyamalamalan’s (spelling?) latest mind-bending WHAT-IS-HAPPENING movie and also the sequel to both 2000’s Unbreakable and 2016’s Split.

Now when I saw Split, the big twist ending (shoving Bruce Willis in there to reveal that Split and Unbreakable are in the same cinematic universe, the Shyamaverse?) was kind of lost on me as I never saw Unbreakable. I loved Split, however, so I caught up and learned as much as I could about both films and their respective universes to prepare for Glass.

I still don’t think I was prepared enough. I mean what is it with movies this year and saying “oh?? you want a twist? Okay yeah. OH WHAT’S THAT?? MORE TWISTS????? OH LOOK HERE’S ANOTHER ONE!!!! TWISTS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!”

That’s not a bad thing either!! At least I don’t think so. A good twist (or seventeen) really makes you think AND makes you want to watch the film again to look for clues you missed. It’s diabolical really.

So without further ado, let’s break open this “comic book” movie and shatter everything you thought you knew about this universe.

Pun game still strong.

They put Sarah Paulson in this dramatic white raincoat so it would give you the illusion of everything being fine, guys, Sarah Paulson the angel is here

THE PLOT

We begin approximately three-ish weeks after the events of Split, but that’s not the important timeline detail for you to remember: just as Glass is coming out 19 years after Unbreakable, this movie’s events take place 19 years after Unbreakable’s events. While this INCREDIBLY cool music plays, we go back and forth between following David Dunn (Bruce Willis) in his trademark rain poncho and Kevin Wendell Crumb (James McAvoy) in his…kidnap factory. The usual. David is in a bit of a vigilante routine at this point (his cover is “I’m taking a walk”) but we see he’s in headphone contact with his son, Joseph Dunn (Spencer Treat Clark), while he walks. After taking down two punks who contributed nothing to the plot or society, we learn that Dunn & Son are trying to track down the person/persons responsible for all the kidnapped girls recently. David runs into Hedwig (one of Crumb’s personalities) on the street and gets a vision of the latest group of girls, leading David to track down the factory where the girls are being kept alone, despite his son’s wishes. David manages to free the girls, but he runs into The Beast (another Crumb personality) and the two have an eeeepic battle in the factory. It does lead to one of the girls being whacked by a table (although I guess all she gets is a broken arm?? They try to use this against David later but like if he hadn’t done anything she’d be Beast food????) and both David and The Beast breaking through a window to fall to the ground below, where suddenly somehow there are police cars and guys with guns surrounding them and Sarah Paulson telling everyone not to shoot. Through the headphone microphone, Joseph hears where they are taking his father and Crumb and he learns it’s a psychiatric facility.

Finally there we see Samuel L. Jackson’s Elijah Price (or as we better know him, Mr. Glass). Sarah Paulson plays Dr. Ellie Staple, and her job is to convince our three misfits that they actually have a very specific disorder that causes them to BELIEVE they are superhuman, when in actuality, they’re not, just normal people who are a little broken (GET IT??? IT’S CALLED GLASS???? SYMBOLISM!!).

The rest of the movie is a test on both the characters and the audience as everyone is forced to review what they know about these characters and if it is, in fact, all a lie, and what they’re going to do about it.

Bruce Willis just looked completely done the entire movie and honestly what a 2019 mood

THE REVIEW

Generally, Glass appears to be getting mixed reviews. There are people who loved Unbreakable and didn’t like Split so they don’t know what to make of this movie, there are people who loved both and had their own ideas for this movie and then were collectively disappointed and miffed when those ideas didn’t happen, there are people who hate the entire film but are still in awe of James McAvoy’s incredible, INCREDIBLE acting and his ability to flip from one character to an entirely different one in a matter of seconds. For me personally? I really, really loved it. And I love it more the more I think about it (as we discussed with Escape Room, my favorite movies are ones that make me think about them afterwards!). I thought it was frustrating and poignant in powerful ways, and heartfelt when it needed to be. We’ll get to the characters later, but it was incredible to feel myself questioning why I was rooting for the “bad guys.” Were they really the bad guys in the end? I was questioning everything the whole way through and I LOVED IT.

Every detail felt carefully placed, from the music to the color to the camerawork. It was a distressing ending on one hand but an empowering ending on the other. It was funny when it needed to be, heartbreaking when it needed to be, suspenseful when it needed to be, and made me want to punch Sarah Paulson in the face. And I love Sarah Paulson!

Okay, time to go into further details so SPOILER WARNING if you haven’t seen the movie yet!! And this is a Shyamalan film, so you know there’s a twist. Or, like I said earlier, a whole lot of twists. If you’re on the fence about the movie but you liked Split or Unbreakable and generally like Shyamalan films or this sounds like something you’d enjoy, I recommend seeing it first before reading further. If the details don’t bother you and you’re okay being spoiled before you see it, read on!

*insert mandatory “I’m here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative” joke*

THE MUSIC

YOU GUYS. THE MUSIC. THE MUSIC!!!

Ohhhhhh MAN the music was great! It was so strange and anxiety-inducing when appropriate, and then it would switch and suddenly be really heartfelt and sad and you were sitting there like “whY aM I cRYinG??” Apparently the composer, West Dylan Thordson (also composer for Split) also mixed in some key themes from Unbreakable so it fully was a cinematic universe down to even the music?? I just. UGH. I can’t say enough about it. Even the track titles fill me with emotion (I mean, “Kevin & Casey”?? REALLY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS.)

Notable music moments include the opening track with the montage and anxiety and opening credits flitting all over the screen, it was an experience, the moment when David is slumped over in his room remembering moments from Unbreakable but questioning his powers, the big parking lot showdown, and of course that entire finale piece. And again, the finale piece is called “Origin Story” which is like oh, look, I’m crying again.

why would you do this, Sarah, WHYYYY

THE CHARACTERS

Absolutely one of my favorite elements of this movie and this TRILOGY have been the characters. Mr. Glass and David are PERFECT foils to each other, and the way that Kevin is revealed to be connected to them both is just heartbreaking. None of them are perfect by any means, of course: Elijah is a genius mass murderer, Kevin is a broken kidnapper/cannibal (does it count as cannibalism if it’s The Beast personality?), and even David is weak, quick to believe Ellie, and often acts without thinking (okay not as bad as the other two BUT the point is none of them are perfect superheroes, okay). All the characters are tied into the overall symbolism of the film: when you look at them through lenses (Mr. Glass as the genius evil mastermind, Kevin as his beastly underling, David as the superhero, Ellie as the caring, reality-driven psychiatrist, Joseph as the starstruck little boy, Casey as the battered final girl, and Mrs. Price as the mother of a mistake), you do not and cannot get the full picture. Elijah has only ever wanted a body that could keep up with his intellect, and if you were in his situation, wouldn’t you? Kevin’s personalities developed as a way to protect him from his incredibly abusive mother. David has massive survivor’s guilt both because of the train incident AND his wife is dead now too. Ellie is blinded by her belief that what she’s doing is right. Joseph never saw his father as JUST a superhero but as a whole person. Casey put her uncle behind bars and genuinely cares for Kevin as a kindred spirit; she is not happy about outliving him, or about him being caught initially in the first place. She is not hiding her scars from the world anymore! Mrs. Price loves Elijah and believes he is capable of good, but the world was not good to him.

There are so many sides to every character, not just Kevin with his multiple personalities. You initially want to feel one way about them because of how they’re presented, but as the movie goes on, you realize you can’t do that. These are not two-dimensional characters on a screen, these are whole, broken people in awful situations, and aren’t we all? We cannot dehumanize any of them. Even Ellie, after the horrid reveal, breaks down in a hallway and screams, showing she is not as perfectly put together as she seems. She’s scared, and angry, and human.

I could go on forever, I really could. But really, hats off to Shyamalan for characters that are so well-developed. You want them to do well, and it breaks you when they don’t. When they can’t.

After you see the movie, seeing this room just makes you cry all over again

THE ART

I have to talk about the scenery, costumes, and general design all in one category because it all connects together and tbh visually this film is absolutely a work of art.

One of my favorite elements of The Sixth Sense is the use of color, and in that film, it was the bright red seen throughout that gave clues. Color plays an equally important role in this film, and it goes from bright, to muted, to bright again, and then finally to just what I would call rich. It mirrors the mental and emotional state of our characters, it gives visual cues, it sets up Ellie as a sweet, caring pastel individual when really she is full of evil, so on and so forth.

Every character, as seen in the shot above, has a specific color that is kind of theirs. It was also used in another theatrical poster for the film. Elijah’s color being purple is something that carried over from Unbreakable; it’s a color of royalty and power. Kevin’s color is kind of a mustard yellow, and it’s very reminiscent of Split, with the sickly lighting of the zoo facility and the bright fall leaves of Casey’s hunting memories. David’s color is interestingly enough a sort of teal, which mixes both the idea of blue being both a “hero” and “good” color psychologically to the fact that his weakness is water. He’s constantly surrounded by the very thing that haunts him.

IT’S JUST

Ellie’s color is a pastel pink, although she really just keeps a pastel color palette throughout the film (when she’s not wearing stark white). It makes her seem gentle and like she truly wants the best for our three misfits, which makes it all the more frustrating when she seems to be torturing them instead and then oh, wait, yeah no she’s completely evil. Great.

Though the use of color is the most obvious artistic aspect to the film, the camerawork is also incredible. There are multiple scenes where the camera takes the viewpoint of Mr. Glass, so we see everything from his point of view (sometimes even tilted slightly since his head seems to be permanently flopped over when he’s sedated). There’s a moment where Joseph storms out of the hospital and the camera follows him, flipping upside-down and around to show Joseph’s mental state-is everything he knows, everything he so strongly believes in, really a lie?

There are extreme closeups, reflections, a strong emphasis on the visual of shattered glass, again, I could go on and on and on and on, and I still probably wouldn’t catch everything.

This is why I love watching The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Split multiple times-it’s a layered cinematic experience, and you catch something new every single time. I will absolutely be adding Glass to this list (even though that will mean crying a lot more).

Pictured: three wholesome beans who need protection from this world

THE TWIST(S)

Because it ain’t a Shyamalan movie if there ain’t a TWIST.

Or like 12 billion.

I guess the initial twist is that Elijah has been switching his medication and only pretending to be sedated, but that’s an early-on reveal and COME ON, did any of us really think he was letting them sedate him??? It’s Mr. Glass, y’all. Let’s be real. (“let’s be real” she says about…a movie character who is fictional).

There’s an interesting semi-twist where the audience, just like the characters, may be starting to believe that there truly is nothing supernatural about them-they’re just normal, if broken. It’s sad, man, but fear not-they actually ARE superhumans! The Beast IS real, Elijah IS a genius, and David really IS unbreakable. Hoorah!

The next twist serves to further connect all three characters: Kevin’s father, who was Kevin’s role model, and who left Kevin alone with his mother with no explanation which meant ~time for multiple personalities and lots of abuse~, actually DIED. And not only that, he was ON THE SAME TRAIN DAVID DUNN WAS ON IN UNBREAKABLE.

Mr. Glass, like he says in the film, created both Kevin as The Beast and David as the superhero.

WhaaaAAAAAAAAAAT!

And now you’re thinking cool! So that’s how they’re all connected, and how they’ve been all connected! Where can we go from here? Will they show the world they exist?? HOW EPIC WILL IT BE???

aaaaaaaand then they’re dead.

No.

Really.

Kevin starts us off by revenge-crushing Mr. Glass’s shoulder and punching him in the ribs. He then falls out of his chair, unable to hold himself up, and with each impact you hear his bones breaking (GET IT BECAUSE THE MOVIE IS CALLED GLASS??? GET IT????). He crawls over to his mother, who sits with him while he coughs up blood, I’m assuming from his ribs breaking and puncturing various organs. It’s…yeah.

Kevin still wants to fight David, but Casey gets to Kevin and manages to talk The Beast down. YEAH. She hugs him and asks Kevin to “stay in the light with her for a little while” (CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB). The Beast becomes Kevin, and just when you think everything’s fine, Casey notices a red laser light on her shoulder, and when she turns to look, the light is now on Kevin, and he gets shot. The shooter, we see, has some kind of black clover tattoo on the inside of his wrist. Kevin collapses in Casey’s arms, various personalities say goodbye to her or talk about pain (Hedwig in particular asks Casey to make the pain stop and you hear that sound? That’s my heart breaking). Finally, Kevin comes back into the light and says he’ll stay in the light till the end. He dies in Casey’s arms.

David is pulled aside by a group of masked awful terrible people who start holding his head down in a pothole of water. Ellie comes up and asks David to take her hand, where he gets a vision of her in a creepy dining room with other creepy evil people. She says that in the comic books there’s always some evil organization trying to stop everyone-but they’re not like that. They’re not evil. They’re just right. This means that the ENTIRE DAMN TIME she was being sweet to them and gently trying to convince them they have a disorder, she KNEW that they actually WERE SUPERHUMAN and she was just TORTURING THEM. David notices that Ellie also has the black clover tattoo. Ellie walks away and the masked people finish drowning David. We later see Joseph, who was separated from his dad, running to his dad’s body and sobbing.

We cut back one last time to Elijah, talking with his mother. It was a little hard to make out, but Elijah and his mom are discussing his life being a limited release, and she doesn’t know how it ends because he never told her. Elijah simply says that no, this was never a limited release…it was an origin story.

So that’s it, right? Our three misfits are dead, and the supervillain got away with EVERYTHING.

Except NOPE.

WE AIN’T DONE YET.

Ellie goes back to her secret black clover tattoo society of evil declaring that everything is fine, and she’ll move on to the next city and do the same thing all over again. The entire movie, our three misfits have been questioning “why are we the only ones??” and now we know why-there have been more, there are more, Ellie’s just finishing them off. Before she leaves, Ellie stops in a comic book store (perhaps to gloat?) and overhears some comics fans discussing the mastermind trope. They say that the mastermind always has a real plan behind a fake one-and no one sees it coming.

Ellie realizes that there may be something to this, so she goes back to the hospital to make sure that all security footage of the misfits has been erased. The guy working there says yeah for sure, except oh NO Mr. Glass is a genius you FOOLS. Mr. Glass downloaded the security footage along with a monologue of sorts and sent it to his mother, who (I’m assuming) sends it to both Joseph and Casey. The three meet up and sit together in a train station (BECAUSE TRAINS!!! UNBREAKABLE!!!) and watch as the footage goes viral. The superhuman truth is out there now-people know they exist.

And other superhumans may realize they’re not alone.

Ellie realizes that this was Mr. Glass’s plan all along. It’s interesting to note that during the final battle, Glass refers to Casey, Joseph, and Mrs. Price as “the main characters’ entrance” when they arrive. Because remember, it’s not a limited edition-it’s an origin story.

cAtcH mE CRyiNg iN tHE CLuB

“OOF” MOMENT

The only real “awkward” scene for me (there is an unfortunate lack of crazy dance scene from Hedwig, although he has a rollerskating scene) is in the beginning when Ellie and her soldiers interrupt The Beast’s and David’s fight. How…did they find them?? How did they get set up to surround them so perfectly??? I just…what?

The entire ending death montage is absolutely heartbreaking and I hate it, but the other real gutting moment is after that meeting in the pink room when Ellie got into their heads and we see David just crouched in a corner of his room all broken and sad and doubting and I just Bruce Willis looks so old and sad here I just please give the man a hug please.

FAVORITE MOMENT

Honestly there are so many good ones, but one that totally stands out is the first time Casey comes to visit and she talks with the various personalities and we see that her touch is incredibly healing to Kevin and that’s also when she says she put her uncle behind bars for what he did to her and just YES GIRL. YES.

Also the scene where Ellie realizes she’s lost is INCREDIBLY satisfying.

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO THIS MOVIE?

If you read this and think it sounds interesting, if you like Shyamalan movies, if you like pretty movies, if you like movies with an uplifting ending after all hope seems lost, if you like the actors, or if you just wanna marvel at James McAvoy’s incredible work with every one of his characters, I say go for it and take yourself to this movie! If this doesn’t sound like it’s something you’d enjoy, I don’t think it’s a movie you need to see. I think it’s a great movie and I really, really enjoyed it, but I also think it’s not necessarily for everyone! But in general, I give this movie:

4.5/5 COLOR-CODED SHARDS OF GLASS!

Yes everyone meet our new rating system! It’ll change depending on the movie, of course. If it’s a movie I think EVERYONE should see regardless of it being your cup of tea or not, I’ll give it that coveted 5/5 somethings.

This movie didn’t quite make it there, but I still think it’s quite good and I recommend giving it a try! You’ll cry a lot. And laugh a little! And want to punch Sarah Paulson.

(I still love her)

TRAILERS TO WATCH OUT FOR

We had a couple repeats (Pet Sematary, Miss Bala, and Happy Death Day 2 U) which we’ve discussed already, but we got some new ones to look out for! The Best of Enemies looks amazing, it’ll definitely be an emotional rollercoaster, but like an important one. Plus we know overall how it ends because of history, so the ending can’t be too sad hopefully please I have no more tears. Fighting with My Family actually…looks really good??? I was so skeptical because the poster made it look just weird and like another The Rock flick filled with explosions and bad CGI, BUT this looks surprisingly heartfelt and funny and like…good?? Us looks AMAZING. It was so fun to see the trailer on the bigscreen for the first time! I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m TERRIFIED and that movie will give me nightmares for YEARS probably, but I’m hoping Jordan Peele can give us another social thriller filled with great characters and things to make you THINK. And also lots of jumpscares probably which like not my favorite, but I’ll try it for Jordan Peele. The one trailer that made me just flat out say NOPE was The Curse of La Llorona. It has the potential I’m sure to be a fascinating urban legend-based horror, but that was the MOST ANXIETY-INDUCING TRAILER IN THE WORLD THAT IS EVERY CHILD’S WORST NIGHTMARE PLEASE GET THEM OUT OF THAT CAR. PLEASE.

And that about does it for this review of Glass! I’m sure I’ll find more and more I love or maybe even dislike about it as time goes on, but I’ll say it again, if this sounds like something you’d enjoy, might even like, or you just wanna see James McAvoy play 20+ characters and switch between them in an instant, I recommend taking yourself to the movies to see Glass!

Escape Room (2019) Review

PlayerOne1 Comment
Despite the poster, there is a surprising lack of jigsaw puzzles in this movie. Or skeletons, actually.

So this morning, I took myself to the movies and saw Escape Room, which I’ve been curious about since the trailers were released. I love the idea of escape rooms, I’ve played through The Room and all its sequels multiple times, give me some good ol’ puzzle solving and I am SO there! While I was expecting some scares, I was hoping there wouldn’t be anything too gruesome since it does carry a PG-13 rating. Hopefully there would be more clever atmospheric scares than gory death scenes, and I was right!

(Fun fact: did you know that there were two movies that came out in 2017 also called Escape Room? I didn’t until I was trying to find pictures for this movie! Apparently, those two movies are…not great, though I can’t personally vouch for them.)

THE PLOT

Escape Room starts off in, funnily enough, an escape room! It initially looks like a lavishly decorated living room, and all is calm until Logan Miller drops through the ceiling. He’s limping, beat-up, and in full-on panic mode as he hobbles to a complicated looking number-maze-lock thing on the door. He realizes that he needs four numbers, but as soon as he pulls on the 1, the wall opposite him starts closing in. Great. We’re right there with him as he struggles to look for clues to find the four numbers needed as more and more of the beautiful room gets destroyed and crushed behind him. He finds the four numbers needed, so he thinks, but they don’t work, and we watch as he slowly gets crushed…..

…..and then we flashback to three days prior. Here we meet three of our main characters, Zoey (played by Taylor Russell), Jason (played by Jay Ellis), and of course, Ben (played by Logan Miller). Please note that Ben seems slightly more put together here, as in, he’s not being crushed in an escape room…yet. These three characters are vastly different from each other, and they each receive a mysterious puzzle box from someone they know. The puzzle box leads them to Minos Escape Rooms with the promise of ~fabulous cash prizes~ if they can solve the unsolvable escape room. It is here we meet our other three main cast members: Danny (played by Nik Dodani), Mike (played by Tyler Labine), and Amanda (played by Deborah Ann Woll). After Ben presumably breaks the doorknob in the waiting room, the six unfortunates discover that the waiting room IS the escape room, and the game has begun. The rest of the movie is, you guessed it, an escape room! We learn throughout the rest of the film more about the characters and why they were chosen for this deadly game through eerily specific details in all the rooms, and also, who sent them here in the first place?

There’s a lot of really morbid puzzle-solving. Like, a lot.

it’s like if the Annabelle doll grew up and started working for escape rooms

THE REVIEW

This movie is really, really fun. That feels wrong to say about a “psychological horror-thriller,” but I swear it is fun. In my opinion, the movie does a fascinating job of revealing minor character details throughout without dropping the big twist until the right moment. I love things like this where you feel like you have to pay attention to every detail otherwise you’ll miss something and honestly maybe you should watch it again to really get everything?? I live for stuff like that. It was distressing because of what was happening and exhilarating when something finally went right. I really enjoyed it as a whole, and I think my opinion of the movie got even better the more I thought about it afterwards. Those are my favorite kinds of films-the ones that make you think about them afterwards.

Now it’s time to escape into the next room of this review, (I dunno if I’ll be able to keep up the pun game for every review, fam) so Spoiler Warning now in effect, and I really recommend for this movie that you see it first completely blind to any spoilers or major plot details!

this room? This room right here?? This is the worst room, hands down

THE MUSIC

The music for this film was really unique when I noticed it, and it’s one reason I want to watch it again, because I’m sure there were notable music moments I missed. The score really set the stage for uneasiness and suspense, and it reminded me of the music played in every movie where someone’s trying to hack into a computer under a time limit. You know the one. Notable music moments include the opening song that sets the room we see Ben fall into, the song that plays during the montage of Ben, Jason, and Zoey trying to solve their puzzle boxes, the end credits music, and of course, that AWFUL distorted rendition of Petula Clark’s “Downtown” that plays as a timer in the upside-down Pool Room, pictured above. Bad room. Worst room. Hate it.

Zoey is all that is pure and good in the universe

THE CHARACTERS

Overall, there were a lot of likable characters in Escape Room, which is kind of unfortunate because many of them don’t, well, escape. All the characters were unique, and I appreciated how each of them had different reactions to the stressors in each room, according to their character. Zoey is my absolute favorite, she was a delight to watch the entire film, and I so appreciated her being the absolute brainiac of the group. More genius WOC roles in movies, please!! There was also a great character arc for Ben, which I really, really enjoyed, and there was a lot of heart given to both Mike and Amanda as well. Unfortunately, Danny isn’t around long enough to really be developed, and Jason turns out to be a survivalist asshole with quite a superiority complex. But generally, you felt for all the characters, and you wanted to see them escape, which meant that their death scenes generally hit you just as hard as they hit the survivors. Danny’s death is a shocker for all of them, especially Ben, and the way Amanda’s death hits Zoey is heartbreaking to watch but it puts Zoey into hardcore survivor badass mode, which is pretty great. This does mean, however, that Zoey is determined to bring down the corrupt AF corporation behind Minos Escape Rooms, which cool, but also based off that last scene, NOOOOOOOOO!!

This scene tricks you into thinking everyone will be fine

THE SCENERY

Now when I first saw the trailer for Escape Room, I thought that each room would be designed for one of the characters specifically. That’s not actually the case, but each room is drastically different and incredibly deadly, with character-specific details woven-throughout. They’re all designed in such a way that you could see them being a legitimate escape room in the real world, except they all have some kind of ACTUAL deadly twist, as opposed to actors and fake consequences. The little details were really clever and sometimes kind of heart-wrenching. The fire and closed-off vent crawl triggered Amanda’s PTSD in a really gutting scene and introduction to her character. The antler trophies in the room pictured above each represented one of the well-known reindeer from the “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” song, which was rough for Ben because of his flashback and rough for the audience because that is clearly insinuating that the reindeer have been slaughtered which like, rude, leave Christmas out of this?? My least favorite room is the arctic winter awfulness simply because it was devastating watching them work together to both deal with Danny’s death and try to melt the key needed out of the center of a solid block of ice while they’re sharing ONE coat among them. Ugh. But a very close second is that stupid upside-down pool room. Design-wise it’s great, but overall? Hate it. Hate what happens. Nope.

Oh hey look! There are skeletons in this movie!

THE TWIST

Okay, if you’ve read this far and haven’t seen the movie yet, trust me when I say you really probably wanna see it first before I continue.

For everyone else? Here we go.

Escape Room has actually, a couple twists when you think about it. The initial twist is, of course, the fact that all the dangerous traps are actually real and very deadly. The stakes are REAL high.

The next twist comes in the room outfitted like a hospital. Each character is drawn to a specific bed, set up differently. It turns out, each character spent time at some point in the hospital, and each bed is a perfect recreation of their room. Through discussion, they learn that each of them was the sole survivor of something traumatic that happened to them (we get little flashes about what these events could be throughout the film). Zoey figures out that whoever is running the escape room must want to see who, among them, is the “luckiest of the lucky.”

After a couple more rooms and a couple more deaths, we catch up with Ben, who did indeed survive getting crushed in the lavish living room (so I guess technically he just didn’t get crushed). He hobbles into some sort of warehouse with a large screen that shows each of their pictures, and all of them, save for his, have a large red “X” over top. In his picture, he is labeled the “WINNER.” A bearded British man enters the room to reveal the next twist: this entire thing was set up by a group of bored, rich people who are fascinated by the human will to survive. British Beard proclaims that humans have always loved watching other humans in near-death situations, and they have run these escape rooms multiple times, sort of like an experiment, to try and figure out what it is that makes up the ultimate winner (sidenote: notice how this is also kind of a dig at the audience to the film? After all, aren’t we also paying to watch humans survive in impossible situations for entertainment? Granted, it’s all acting, but still…). It’s a very Hunger Games-esque twist, and British Beard boredly states that he really didn’t think Ben would be the one to make it out, his money was on one of the more fit characters (um, rude?). Ben, absolutely bruised and battered beyond belief at this point, just wants the prize money. All his new friends are dead, and he should probably go to a hospital.

The next twist comes when British Beard says something like “when a horse wins a race, does it get the prize?” and then he tries to choke Ben to death with a wire. Ben is able to get out of the choke hold by taking a piece of wood out of his leg and stabbing British Beard. It still looks like British Beard will be the ultimate victor until…

BAM he gets shot in the back by our next twist: Zoey didn’t die after all! They make sure British Beard can’t follow them and they hobble out into the sunlight.

We ain’t done yet, though, as Zoey is later seen with a group of police officers, headed in to the Minos building to take down the corporation. However, when they bust down the door, it just looks like an abandoned warehouse, with decaying furniture everywhere and graffiti smothering the walls. Zoey, panicked, points out that no, no, this was the lobby! And the vent was right there! And-

She notices that there’s a specific phrase graffiti-ed over the “vent”: “NO WAY OUT” which, she figures out, is an anagram for “WOOTAN YU”, the name of the doctor that’s been splashed all over the movie and, theoretically, the evil mastermind behind all this. Zoey realizes that even THIS is a part of the game!

We STILL AIN’T DONE THOUGH, and we jump ahead to 6 months later, where Zoey and a very cleaned-up Ben are meeting for coffee (they’re sweet and I love them). Ben would very much like to leave everything behind, please, but Zoey refuses. She found headlines explaining away the deaths of all the previous characters, and she’s convinced they would have had headlines, too. They weren’t supposed to win, and they did. Zoey is able to track down what she believes to be the coordinates to Minos headquarters, saying she has plane tickets, let’s go. Ben agrees. GET IT.

STILL. NOT. DONE. We cut to a plane that appears to have lost an engine, but wait, it’s another escape room? The flight attendant and a man on board frantically search for numbers and a key to get into the cockpit, but when they do, the pilots are knocked out, and there’s no way to control the plane, and they crash….

in a SIMULATOR. The flight attendant complains about getting her shoe stuck on something AGAIN, ugh, and the fake plane resets while various people in hazmat suits walk around looking creepy. A silhouette on a screen asks about the survival rate, and a smug guy says “4%. We have their flight info.”

It’s a brilliant setup for a sequel (please, PLEASE give me Zoey punching the living daylights out of this Dr. Wootan Yu, PLEASE!!!) and a creepy reminder that, just like Zoey said, they weren’t supposed to win, and technically? They still haven’t.

(sidenote: does anyone else think the flight attendant looks suspiciously like Zoey’s roommate who goes home for the holidays?? ARE THEY ALL IN ON IT???)

this is a totally normal escape room guys, I swear

“OOF” MOMENT

Honestly, I really didn’t think there was a particularly awkward or cheesy moment in the film. However, I will mention both Danny’s death and Mike’s death in particular, because they’re infuriating and real hard to watch. Plus it absolutely breaks Ben both times and I just…please help him. Get him a blanket and like, a cozy book or something. Also, initially the “NO WAY OUT” twist drove me crazy because?? LET THEM BE HAPPY, PLEASE.

FAVORITE MOMENT

Hands down, I have to give this to Zoey. We assume she dies due to the poison being released in the air, but in a fun moment, two guys in hazmat suits come into the room, talking about cleaning up the bodies, and they see an oxygen mask. When one of them says “pfft an oxygen mask? What would she use that for?” Zoey appears behind him with a pole and yells “TO BREATHE, BITCH!” and absolutely whacks him so she can escape. I LOVE HER.

nah I’m good thanks

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO THIS MOVIE?

This is another one that I think is entirely up to you! If you like escape rooms, crazy puzzles, good characters, fun twists, and a decent thriller, I say go for it! If it’s not your genre, no worries. I’m not super into crazy gory thrillers myself, and we don’t see any gory death scenes (the exception might be Jason, there’s some blood there, and British Beard gets shot a couple of times). I would say there IS a seizure warning for one of the rooms: when Ben and Jason enter the TV static room, the rest of the scene plays out with a whole lot of strobe light and weird camera effects. It’s kind of tough to watch in general, so be warned!

TRAILERS TO WATCH OUT FOR

Many of the trailers were similar to Aquaman (Miss Bala, Pet Sematary, Godzilla: King of the Monsters), but they added Happy Death Day 2 U (similar to Pet Sematary, probably won’t see it alone if I do see it) and The Intruder (which I probably just won’t see in general, not really my jam, unless I hear it has some amazing plot thing that wasn’t featured in the jump-scare-y trailer. Sheesh, between this and Pet Sematary, when are people gonna learn to just not move into weird old houses?? STOP IT).

And that’s the end of this review! If you like mystery thrillers with deadly puzzles, good characters, and a whole LOT of twists, I’d say give this one a go! It’s not a groundbreaking movie, per se, but I think it’s enjoyable and interesting, and I keep wondering about the details I probably missed! So if that sounds like something you’d like, I say take yourself to the movies and see Escape Room.

(2019, not either of the 2017 versions. Unless that sounds like something you’d enjoy, of course.)

Aquaman Review

PlayerOneLeave a comment
They knew they could get me to see it by putting sharks on the poster

So last night, I took myself (and my dad) to the movies to see Aquaman, the latest movie released in DC’s so far slightly-less-than-successful attempt at a cinematic universe, depending on who you ask. I realize I’m a few weeks late to this party, but let’s dive right in, shall we? (Pun completely intentional).

THE PLOT

Aight so the movie starts off in a massive storm of some kind and we follow a guy trying to tie his window shutters down so they stop slamming against his house and jump-scaring the audience. He’s torn away from his task, however, upon seeing the body of Nicole Kidman splayed across some rocks down by the water (I mean, wouldn’t we all get distracted?). Kidman plays the Queen of Atlantis named Atlanna because of course that’s her name, and Temuera Morrison plays Tom Curry, her lighthouse keeper savior. The two form a quick bond in a nice montage that feels very much like Splash, with like a little bit of The Little Mermaid in there I guess, but Splash! We jump ahead in time to Atlanna telling a story about Atlantis and a very special trident to her young son (this is an important plot point) before a whole bunch of aquatic stormtroopers shoot up the house and demand Atlanna return to Atlantis. After a fun little fight sequence, Atlanna decides she must return to keep her son and her beau safe. Jump ahead in time again, and we catch up with a navy submarine being overrun by pirates. They are interrupted by none other than Aquaman himself, who ruins their party and saves everyone aboard (except for the pirates, whom he leaves for dead in a decision that will definitely come back to haunt him later). Aquaman (whose actual name is Arthur) is hanging out with his dad, Tom, in a bar when a group of burly biker guys interrupt to ask if they can get a picture with good ol’ fishboy (“fishMAN” Arthur corrects him, lest we forget this is a VERY MANLY MOVIE, OKAY). On their way home, a massive tidal wave knocks into well, everything, including their truck. A mysterious redhead (Mera, played by Amber Heard) shows up to save Tom’s life, and to also demand that Arthur return to Atlantis to challenge his half-brother Orm before he becomes Ocean Master and starts a war with the surface. So um. Yeah. Arthur, bitter about the whole Atlantis thing because he was told they executed his mother, Atlanna, just because he was born, isn’t crazy about it but also doesn’t think he can just stand by while all these humans die. The rest of the movie is a weird mix of an epic quest story line, a family drama story line, and a royal politics story line. Also, fish! Lots of fish. And Jason Momoa as Aquaman is shirtless a lot, which works well to show off the excellent tattoo work all over his chest and arms (it’s gonna make fanart a nightmare, like Maui from Moana all over again).

Mera and Arthur chat with Willem Dafoe (his character had a name but…I mean it’s Willem Dafoe)

THE REVIEW

So in my opinion, overall, Aquaman is a very strange movie. It’s a good time, for sure, but it’s also just a whole lot of things all at once. It’s very pretty to look at it, and the actors overall do a brilliant job, and it serves its purpose well as a superhero flick. In my opinion, I can’t put it on quite the same level as Wonder Woman, but it definitely comes close! As I said, it’s a fun movie, and I appreciate that it never really took itself super seriously. Yes there were intense moments that it did not shy away from, and to even it out there were incredibly dorky and ridiculous moments. I wouldn’t say it was my favorite film ever, but it was fun and I’m glad I saw it. I mean, there were cool sharks being ridden around underwater like toothy horses. Also, Julie Andrews cameo!! So with my general overall feelings of the film out of the way, let’s dive deeper (pun still intended) into different elements of the movie, which means Spoiler Warning ahead if you haven’t seen the film yet and want to without having any major details given away!

Mera and Arthur descend to the Kingdom of the Trench in a truly nightmare-esque sequence

THE MUSIC

I am a major movie music nerd, so one thing I will always discuss is the music. The movie overall had a very fun, superhero-esque score. Very epic, very “let’s go knock over buildings and save people.” The usual. Notable music moments for me include the initial pirate introduction in the beginning (they have a very cool villain theme) followed by when Arthur interrupts them (Arthur gets an electric guitar theme in the midst of the orchestra, which is a fun, quirky addition and kind of sums up his character before he even says anything), the chase scene when Mera and Arthur are escaping Atlantis, when Mera absolutely waterbends a bunch of wine in Sicily into spears, and the moment pictured above when they descend into the Kingdom of the Trench (visually it’s a terrifying scene, and the strange music does not help but damn is it cool). For non-orchestral music, two songs that stuck out to me were the cute song played when Mera and Arthur eat flowers in Sicily (I wish I was kidding) and the first end credits song, which I’ll discuss a little more later.

These characters look like they belong in two entirely separate films

THE COMBAT

Because it is, of course, a superhero movie, there’s a lot of combat. It’s relatively enjoyable to watch, the exceptions being the pirates first invading the submarine in the beginning (that’s just sad and uncomfortable, especially with all the mass shootings in the news the past few years) and the massive CGI fight at the end because…it’s just real hard to follow tbh. BUT generally the one-on-one fights are incredibly fun to watch because they’re beautifully staged! Plus the underwater fights are extra fun because they had to add in the lack of like, gravity rules and also air. Notable fight scenes include the one above where Atlanna absolutely decimates a group of aquatic stormtroopers, Arthur vs. Orm Round 1 and 2, and the beautifully shot and edited fight in Sicily.

this is basically the entirety of the movie, just throw in a couple sharks

THE CHARACTERS

Ehhhhhhh…they’re okay. Honestly there was no particular character I got super attached to. Naturally, Arthur is basically a big dork, and you could tell Jason Momoa was just having a lot of fun with the part, so that meant his character was pretty likable. Willem Dafoe’s character got like one instance of development when he stood up to Orm and got thrown into a prison cell, I guess? Hard to tell, he doesn’t stay there long and it’s like super easy for Mera to break into for some reason. Both Mera and Atlanna are likable because yay females! But what bugged me is that they had little-to-no personality traits. Atlanna? She’s a queen. That’s…that’s about it. Oh, wait, she’s also a mother, so she loves both her sons. Also she somehow fought her way through the Trench and lived there for 20 years, even though it’s completely glossed over how she did it. Mera and Arthur barely made it through and she’s just like “yeah I fought through just like you did, how? Not important. Know what is important? The TRIDENT.” Mera takes on the roll of the princess stuck in an arranged marriage to a jerk prince she doesn’t love and also she can waterbend with the best of ’em. I’ll delve more into the forced romance that I guess is also supposed to serve as character development even though it doesn’t in a little bit. This is something that always bugs me in superhero flicks-the women are hardly ever full characters. They’re there because they typically have to participate in a romance plot, sometimes they get kidnapped, sometimes they fight because they’re badasses, but that isn’t a character trait. We got flashbacks of Arthur learning to fight-what about Mera and Atlanna? Why do they know how to fight if they’re forced to wear pretty dresses and watch their betrothed fight from the safety of the royal box? Now, I would believe they are more fleshed out in the comics. But for the sake of this movie, they largely serve as decorations. They can fight, sure, but they almost seem unbreakable because of it. We see both Arthur and Orm weakened and broken after a tough fight, and it helps to humanize them, but Mera and Atlanna are simply perfect at fighting. The worst we see happen to Mera is a little bruise on her cheek that serves as a plot device to get Arthur to be all “YOU COULD HAVE DIED AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY FAULT” (i.e., development for him, nothing for her). They can’t get beat up because they have to keep looking pretty.

THIS IS A VERY MANLY SUPERHERO MOVIE OKAY IT ONLY LOOKS LIKE BARBIE MERMAIDIA OKAY

THE SCENERY

Damn this movie is pretty. I saw it in 3D which normally I’m kind of “meh” about, but I thoroughly enjoyed it for this movie! It was fun to feel like you were swimming through Atlantis with them. All the underwater scenes were absolutely gorgeous, and also the um..the hidden Earth’s core oasis place was very pretty. In 3D, the little butterflies flitting about everywhere were quite lovely. In contrast, the descent into the Trench was absolutely gruesome and perfectly creepy. Also, in the little Atlantis history lesson segment, above-ground Atlantis was so pretty! It’s just gorgeous and neon and there are FISH!!! EVERYWHERE!!!!!

this dress is so impractical but so ridiculously pretty I want 12

THE COSTUMES

To go along with the gorgeous scenery, the costumes are gorgeous as well. All of them are extremely sea-creature inspired, which I appreciated, but I also wish there were more costumes like Mera’s jellyfish dress there. They had a whole ocean to work with and most of the costumes are just like…unitards covered in scales. I mean they’re pretty and I know, I know, ~it’s from the comics~, but if they can whip out one jellyfish dress for one scene, I think they could have whipped out some like, manta ray capes and lionfish armor (Black Manta’s costume does not count because…I mean that’s a bug helmet, that’s not a sea creature. That’s..that’s like a giant fly). I’m just saying. Also…again, I realize they’re pulling from the comics, fine, but can someone please explain to me why Atlanna’s scale-suit has a cool decorated turtleneck thing while Mera’s is like, super low-cut? Like, REALLY. And why is she wearing heels with that outfit? I can’t imagine that’s super practical underwater. Probably just as practical as they are above water. Whatever.

is this a superhero movie or National Treasure 4?? No one knows
#couplegoals

THE ROMANCE

Okay so I am a huge romantic, I freely admit it. And sometimes superhero movie romance is the best! Tony and Pepper? Iconic. Steve and Peggy? Cute and also I’m crying. That ridiculous upside-down rain kiss in Spider-man? Magnificent. Nakia and T’challa? Absolutely amazing. This movie claimed to have two romantic plots, but we all know who the real couple is…It’s Atlanna and Tom, there is no contest. I mean, they had a super cute Splash-esque montage in the beginning, and also, I am SO glad they got to reunite at the end. I mean find you a man who will go down to the docks at sunrise every DAY for 20 years because he refuses to believe you’re dead and he always held out hope. Also, the height difference is adorable. In contrast, Arthur and Mera felt extremely forced. Again, I realize they’re a thing ~in the comics~ so they had to do something, but it’s hard when it seems like Mera’s only reason for having feelings is because Arthur is NOT Orm. And like they have a little bit of banter and he ate flowers with her? (Again. I wish I was kidding). Now, granted, that epic underwater spinny kiss they have, while maybe inappropriately timed (hello??? BATTLE?????), was pretty great. I’m glad they got something because the rest of their moments were just…meh. “ohhh no they got scared and suddenly grabbed hands!!” “ohhhh no she slipped and fell in his arms aND Now tHEir FacEs aRE reALly clOSE!!!” Here’s hoping we get some real development for them in the next movie…

As I said earlier, the end credits song is really kind of unique? The only way I can see it making sense is if it’s about Atlanna and Tom’s relationship, which is really interesting! The song is clearly a love song, and it’s really sweet, and definitely not your typical superhero-movie-end-credits-epic-song (that comes after this one). It’s another reminder that love is the most powerful force of all, although sometimes it helps if you can communicate with sharks (Aquaman is actually a Disney Princess).

On a separate note, I really appreciate how both this movie and Wonder Woman focused on the power of love? I mean one of the last lines in this film is Arthur saying how his parents’ love “saved the world.” They never shied away from how important Atlanna and Tom’s relationship was. Which leads to a theory I have…Mera says that, roughly, marriage alliances are not forged out of love, it’s for political reasons (typical). She says it like “I’m getting married to him, of course I don’t love him.” (it’s the one moment for her I thought could really give her some interesting character stuff…I mean obviously she doesn’t love Orm, so to some degree, love could be all new to her and Arthur is like her first crush). Atlanna initially finds Tom after escaping an arranged marriage herself-what if, having known about the whole trident prophecy thing, she wanted to escape to find a human, have a kid, all while knowing that kid could unite both worlds and save everyone. She planned it all along. I’m sure she didn’t plan on actually having feelings for Tom, but I mean, her plan did work. Plus she got a sweet, devoted husband.

“OOF” MOMENT

In this segment, I will discuss a rather awkward, weird, or just kind of “oof” moment from the film. Aquaman could potentially have quite a few, and while I’m torn between a number of cheesy dialogue scenes, the eating flowers scene, and the…interesting last shot of the film that involves Jason Momoa jumping out of the water in slow motion while saying “I AM AQUAMAN” *cue guitar solo*, I’m awarding it to the introduction to Orm and Arthur’s first fight, when Arthur says “prepare him for the Ring of Fire!”

…I’m sorry, the what?

Close runner-up is when Orm says he wants to be “Ocean Master” with a straight face.

FAVORITE MOMENT

There were lots of little moments I liked, many of them in the beginning montage with Atlanna and Tom. However, I think my favorite moment is when Arthur and Mera are walking around Sicily before everything goes to hell and Black Manta shows up. There’s a cute moment when Arthur gives Mera a coin to throw in a fountain, and Mera in turn gives it to a little girl nearby. The little girl makes a wish and throws the coin, and Mera quietly does some waterbending effects that makes dolphins and sea turtles jump and dance out of the water. The little girl goes ballistic and I relate!!! If I had Mera’s powers, I’d be doing stuff like that all the time. Close runner-up is the scene with Julie Andrews as a giant sea monster. What a queen. Another close runner-up is the scene with young Arthur being bullied at the aquarium and then a shark straight-up tries to break the glass to protect him.

SHOULD YOU TAKE YOURSELF TO THIS MOVIE?

Overall, this is a very fun, pretty movie. There are a lot of really great moments as much as there were moments and details that frustrated me. I wanted to like Mera more, I did, they just didn’t give me anything to work with. But again, Jason Momoa absolutely steals the show as he’s meant to, and it’s nice to see him having so much fun. Plus, FISH!!! EVERYWHERE!!!! If you like superhero movies, I definitely recommend this one. If you’re not a superhero person, I think you can definitely skip it. There’s nothing in it that makes me think everyone should see it (unlike, say, Black Panther), but it’s good. Plus, if you like fish, you’ll probably like this movie. There are a lot of them!!

TRAILERS TO WATCH OUT FOR:

Of the trailers shown before this movie, the ones I’m definitely going to see are Glass (I really enjoyed Split and most of Unbreakable, so I’m looking forward to this one), The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part (listen, if you ignore Batman and Ninjago, the first movie is still a beautifully heartfelt film about a father and son reconnecting and it’s just a fun time??), and of course, Avengers: Endgame (hope I can see through my tears). On my maybe list are Miss Bala (I mean, it basically looks like your typical big-guy action movie but centered around a woman of color, which I am all for supporting. Plus, Gina Rodriguez! I just hope the story’s good because this one looks REAL violent), Godzilla: King of the Monsters (I say reluctantly because I was not a fan of Kong: Skull Island and I haven’t seen the other Godzilla movie apparently in this universe…but this one has gigantic animal friends in it. And Millie Bobby Brown and Sally Hawkins), and Pet Sematary (this one I will probably only see if I can drag someone with me, hell no am I seeing this one alone, that trailer is creepy. I did like the reveal of the title in the trailer though, that was well done).

That’s all for this review! If you like superhero flicks or you just want a good time with a lot of fish and shirtless Jason Momoa, I say you should take yourself to the movies and see Aquaman.

And…Action!

PlayerOneLeave a comment

Hey there everyone!

I am the Filmennial, and welcome to my movie review blog!

Sometime last year (or maybe it was sooner, I didn’t used to go see movies a lot-but that all changes TODAY quite literally as I’m seeing something tonight and I already have a ticket for tomorrow), I noticed that before almost every movie you saw, there’d be a little clip of the director and/or some actors from the film talking a little about the process and to thank you, the audience member, for supporting the arts.

Now I don’t know how the rest of you feel, but movie tickets can be expensive, so I for one was delighted to hear that someone appreciated my hard-spent cash (it still wasn’t quite enough to squash the buyer’s remorse, but that is something I carry with me even if I’m buying something necessary, like aspirin, or goldfish crackers).

But more than that, it got me thinking-as an artist myself, I do like to support the arts in whatever way I can. Yes, Hollywood is riddled with atrocities, but that doesn’t erase all the hard work and all the talented people both in front of and behind the cameras.

So, this year I did what any sane strapped-for-cash millennial would do, and I succumbed to AMC’s A-List deal (#notsponsored). I mean really, I live about a mile from a movie theater, and who doesn’t love going to the movies? The next step, of course, still as a perfectly sane and still-strapped-for-cash millennial, was to start a blog and throw my opinions out there!

With these reviews, I’ll be seeing any movies that interest me (so not necessarily any movie that comes out in theaters because some of them…meh) and reviewing them here for your reading (but mostly my writing) pleasure.

I’m not a professional reviewer by any means, but I like to consider myself someone with more of a common person opinion about movies. This blog and my A-List tickets are a way of being kinder to myself this year, and treating myself to an art form I love. I’m a 21-year-old bisexual female artist, and this year, I’m taking myself to the movies. You are all welcome to come along.

Treat yo self. — Parks and Recreation

the filmennial header!